NIGHTS ARE WORSE FOR ME

It seems when the sun goes down and it gets dark, that's when I feel the worst. I look forward to mornings and I "think" it's because I don't like being alone. Somehow I connect nights with being alone, and that is bad. I enjoy time to myself . I enjoy doing things like being here and other things like potting plants or watching a good movie---if I can set through it! LOL Sometimes it's hard for me to concentrate. It takes awhile for me to get back on track, and sometimes my mind is sharp and right on target.

The bad news is I have irreversible memory loss, the good news is it is treatable, but I will be on the medicine for the rest of my life...LOL LOL

Are nights worse for anyone else? Does it matter where you are or is it the same at home as it is anywhere else? Does the weather affect it? Do you think I associate being alone with my childhood, where I was left alone almost every night with my younger sister while my parents were out drinking? I mean someone can be in the next room, and I feel the lonliest feelings and I DONT KNOW WHY! When I have someone in my bed, I have to be touching them. If I wake up and they are gone, I freak! I spent a whole year on my own just getting to know myself. I found out a lot about myself and it was good. But I have learned even more over the last three years. And...

I am never really "alone", I live with my best friends and one of them is always with me. I guess I either hate nights or love them. It's almost three o'clock and I am sitting up on the computer????????? Is it because I don't want to go to bed until daylight? What makes me a night owl and why do I hate nights?