So I finally got my internet back. Really bad lightening storm, phone lines under ground had to be replaced. Found out the ethernet port to my dsl box was fried. Got my new dsl box yesterday, hooked it all up and still the same thing. :S SO I grabbed the laptop and it worked fine and now it's also the ethernet port on my desk top, ugh!! lol
So I've seen a 2nd urologists and he definitely comfirmed my Interstitual Cystitis..he was it was "moderate" stage. He wanted to put me on Elmiron and Vesicare. Well I called and they said it would be $1200 and something dollars :O. SO I found out my insurance doesn't even cover Elmiron (that's the one I NEED) and the Vesicare with insurance is still $185 :S. I called the dr. 's office back. They sent out papers to fill out for an assistance program. Hopefully I can qualify and get the Elmiron cheaper if not free.
THEN I got to thinking. This medicine hasn't been tested on anyone trying to get pregnant or pregnant. I'm so torn. I'm Sooo tired of hurting all the time but right now Brian is in his 3rd month of Clomid. We decided that we're doing the 3 months instead of 2 since it actually takes 3 months for new sperm to make. SO IF his count hasn't improved I go on Elmiron and hopefully put this into remission and maybe go another route then. Right now, I just can't handle it anymore. I can't treat this without hurting the other and I'm soo tired of living a life of constant pain. I feel as I'm depressed, nothing ever goes right...I stay at home mostly all the time now. I help my dad occasionally when I feel like it because most times I feel like laying in bed because of hurting. Brian called yesterday just to see if I even got out to the house..he doesn't want me to become a "hermit" but when you don't feel like it..you just don't feel like it. I don't want to sink into a deep depression because of pain and I'm at a breaking point. I catch myself walking around in a daze...I'm not as active as I used to be. In a days time I've been known to mow the grass, mop the floors, wash the dogs and their beds and wash the cars. Now I'm good to bathe the dogs and do some light house work. I get by...and rarely do the extra. I'll mow grass but that's it..never anything extra. I'm soo tired of hurting, emotionally, physically and mentally. Physically hurting for the last 15 years now has definitely took a toll on everything, my body and my mind especially. I'm not trying to sound like a debbie downer, but this is where I get 90% of my support and encouragement from. My family has no idea about anything. My mom knows I hurt as does my husband but that's about it. The others just don't understand how bad.
So the plan is...get DH in after the 3 months are up for his SA (praying there's at least some difference) and if so we'll try..if no difference at all..I have to treat this IC. If anyone knows anyone who has dealt with this please let me know. I've found a page on Facebook where there's several people I can relate to... It's just like TTC..it's always better when you know someone who knows what you're going through. I don't expect my family to..
Also the monster in law is driving me nuts.. I swear I'm going to wind up in an insane asylum because of her. Brian my DH is her BABY..and omg I married him and took him away from her..even though she has 3 others sons and a daughter. Anyways after her husband passed away (brian's dad who I loved to pieces) she got scared to stay by herself. Instead of just admitting it..she has "spells" with her stomach. She gets gas built up blah blah blah, but instead of taking something and walking it off..she'll sit her lazy a$$ around and let it keep building. I could go on forever about her..but she ruined any chance of me ever having anything for her YEARS AGO!! So she called DH the other night during one of her "spells". At 8:30 pm he had to go get her to spend the night with us (omg I'm fuming at this point) because she supposedly can't see to drive at night. She gets over here..goes right to sleep. She claimed she was in soo much pain..but how do you manage to get comfortable enough to sleep? Anyways, next day same thing.. dH went fishing..I was pissed he left her here at our house for me to pratically babysit. I left and went to my moms :). So I get back up here and she is putting on a show BIG time. She's shifting side to side in the recliner..I was furious..I said.."do you want to to got the ER?" She says.." I don't know waht I need to do..I can't eat, everything hurts (yet she had a full breakfast), long story short..I tell DH I'm going to ER with her..he's on his way home from fishing. SO they check her vitals..Blood pressure is better than that of a 20 year old. I know when I'm hurting..my blood pressure runs a little high..hmm.. anyways..they admit her on chest pains because we all know they're not going to admit you for freakin heartburn. UGH. So after 4 days of being in there she's fine..imagine that!!! All test show normal..no signs of inflammation or problems. I could type ALOT more but I don't have time lol. I have no idea why in the heII they baby her...ugh. They treat her like a freakin 4 year old and she's got them all fooled. I was up there one day at the hospital, just me and her. They brought lunch in there..grilled chicken sand. side mayo and veggies to put on it. They had bowl of veggie soup..a dessert..with her tea and juice. This was the 1st full day in hopsital. Mind you she's still in SO MUCH PAIN from eating and gas.. So she ate..her chicken sand.. some veggie soup and ALL of her dessert. Told DH that night she didn't eat much at all because of hurting and gas..until I told him what she really had. UGH.. I swear..I need something for nerves..she's driving me nuts!!!!! Oh and come to find out..my niece and nephew usually spend the night with her every now and then because we all know she's scared to stay alone, anyways..come to find out..this spell magically come on when no one has spent the night for 2 nights in a row. Ironic huh??
I've tried my best to keep up with everyone with my phone lol.. only so much you can do on a smaller screen lol. I'll be checking in for sure now!! :)
Just wanted to say thank you soo much to all my friends here. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything!!
This IS never ending. :(