Apr 09, 2008
Sorry about the lack of posts and activity. Just been busy with work, very down and depressed. Just really worn out. I had a spinal tap Monday which is another story but I have a wait of three weeks to find out if any thing comes back.
The thing that is making me wonder right now is the tingling in the lips and tongue. I noticed this a few years ago around the time I would get hungry or eat. I thought maybe it was a blood sugar related symptom but doctors have told me that this is not a blood sugar related issue. I've tried googling it and neurological symptoms keep coming up, either that or low blood calcium.
In any case, the MRI came back normal so it's hard for me to think that there is something neurologically going on when I've had two MRIs in the last year, both which are normal. But I have the tingling in the lips/tongue, the other night I was headed to bed and suddenly I got almost like TV "snow" over my vision and slowly blackness started to come in from the periphery until there was a pin hole of light and then my vision went completely black. I didn't pass out but I felt dizzy and my head started to throb. I couldn't see so I stumbled forward to the bed (which I was only like three feet from) and laid down. After a few seconds, my vision gradually came back from the blackness. I don't understand this ... it's happened a few times over the years but it's not ever been something I worried about (not sure why I never worried).
I'm quite sure every thinks I'm insane. I spent 6 our of 9 hrs at work crying. I'm at the point where even simple things that aren't upsetting or overly joyful make me weep. The slightest hint of stress and I start bawling. An especially rude co-worker called me a "cry baby" the other day and that hurt but I just said "yeah, what of it".
I'm really start to think I'm loosing it. My guy in CA made me promise yesterday that I wouldn't do anything self harming b/c he's afraid I'll get so depressed that I'll cause myself harm. I have promised to not do that but certainly, I'm really down. Every day I feel more and more out of control and more nuts. I just want to give up and let it go. Suffer in silence and not see any more doctors. I feel like a loser. :-(
My head is hurting and my lips/tongue are still tingling. This drives me insane. I can't figure out why this is happening. If I have another dr or nurse say "that's impossible" b/c my tests come back negative, I'll scream. I can feel it, isn't it real? Maybe I am insane.