Keeping Track of My Recovery "The Passage of Time" Recovery from Tardive Psychosis, Tardive Dysphrenia and Tardive Dysmentia Continues

  As the days pass I feel more and more like myself. My identify is stabilizing. The dissociation is mitigating. And my awareness of space time function is improving. When a family member would state about "the passage of time" it would call up the idea of death and when they woke me up (as I had to leave) with the phrase "its time" I was in a dissociative state and thought it was the end of my life. That thinking is disappating. And today is the last day of the Clonidine patch so things would be at their worst. Why aren't they? Well the Piracetam is working. That is not a psychiatric treatment. And the psychosis is not from schizoaffective (which I am documented as recovered from). And the claims on the web about it "enhancing cognition" are untrue (as the studies about gingko that was found to be relatively useless in this regard). But Piracetam and gingko are helpful on tardive dyskinesia in clinical studies. I don't suggest you try study medications on your own. In fact the opposite. And everything I take is monitored by my providers as part of a clinical study. With a clinical study you do take a risk but its an approved one, to benefit science (and help other people potentially). You are not going out on a limb. What is found in me when published will be a "finding" not a "fact". One person's recovery is not clinical proof. I'm sure everyone read about the clinical study where that girl survived having rabies by being put into a coma and being given massive doses of antibiotics. The attempts to duplicate that didn't work. That's how research works. But she's alive and functioning. One person's recovery still is important. Had they not tried she would not be alive.
  There is much research on the glutamate antagonist antipsychotics and no reason they should not be approved. But it will be a targeted medication unlike glycine which is a powder and in the studies used alongside a conventional antipsychotic (such as the study medication LY2140023). And ss for research on treatments for tardive dysphrenia, tardive psychosis and tardive dysmentia I believe what was tried on me once finalized and published will form some ideas. And those ideas could lead to more research. We shall see. I work with the system and the researchers are the ones to take the lead. I have contested disability discrimination (outside of the medical and psychiatric system) as was done with that home attendant that neglected my safety. And I am contesting the denial of home attendant coverage by appealing it. You can expect with any government benefit to be denied. And to know how to appeal it. But what am I experiencing now? Well the color scheme was changed. The "olive green" at the time (right before the Piracetam) captured the feeling of dysphoric mania from tardive dysphrenia. And the gustatory (taste) hallucinations of tardive psychosis that have a particular taste associated with each color. And at the record store the other day I picked up a used copy of the Cure "Faith". The singer I believe stated he experienced depression at one time. And the song  on it "the Drowning Man" captures not just depression and alienation (as it depicts) but (for me) the choking spasms of dysphagia. Not very pleasent but..
   Today that is almost gone. And now I am listening to Miles Davis. My mood is stable. Why? Well I know that ginggo and Piracetam and rhodiola are used in studies on tardive dyskinesia and for me have done much to help the tardive dysphrenia, tardive psychosis and tardive dysmentia. My world is returning again. As to "why" I believe science doesn't know exactly and this point but I am working with the system to update them. I accept my physical disability, the suicidal ideations are gone because the dystonic and dysphagic spasms mitigated and in a standard sense the family is uniting around me. And I call people by TTY. Its just another means of communciation. What if someone said to you "the only person who can help you now is yourself"? Well sometimes that's true. You have to want to recover. To work with your provider as well. And to know that any accomodation for your disability may have to be contested. But if in recovering what you did could help others would it then be time to think of yourself? No. In having recovered with a lot of "unknowns" its time to help science fill in the blanks. This photo I found of Hawk Mountain is a "trigger point" as at that time I first had acquired tardive psychosis I had perceptual hallucinations and dissociation for the first time in my life. Now that has nearly vanished. Why? And why is it worth understanding. So as I always conclude people can have the mental recovery I did without the neurological disabilities. And I add so the neurological disabilities can be treated...