bebango's Profile
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bebango is
really sore and needs a second opinion.
About Me:
Female, 27, NIagara Falls - ON, member since Apr 2008
I'm 27 with a wonderful husband and we have a 4 year old daughter who has PDD..
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Is Life supposed to be this hard?
Apr 11, 2008 04:35PM
- 5 comments
I sometimes wonder how I ever made it this far. Life isn't always easy and I know that we have our ups and downs...I mean if eveything always went right, or the way we wanted it , we wouldn't have mistakes to learn from.. I thought my life was so difficult growing up. Not being able to get away with things living at home with my parents . I would whine and complaine how life is so unfair...
Now I'm 27 and I have a 4 year old daughter Diagnosed with PDD.. (Pervasive Developmental Disrder) What a Life changing experience this has been! I remember the day I had her..I remember thinking, It takes so long to love people you meet.. to gain there trust and friendship.. but when you see that little one and hold them for the first time, you love them instantly. You've never met them before and it's as if you've known them and loved them for years.. It's so amazing how this happens. The first two years were great... (a dream come true) I had my perfect little family.
Then after her round of needles were givin to her she suddenly wasn't herself.. Our lives changes so dramatically.. I totally did not see this coming..Her attitude wasn't the same, she slaps me , punches me, swears at me , pulls my hair, spits on me , throws things at me and not to mention she destroys everything. She can just talk normally she has to shout all the time. My husband and I have been together for 7 years now and never fought.. we had pretty much one fight a year.. and since she has developed this problem we fight all the time .. I find myself wondering "is this gonna last? Are we going to make it through this?"
My parents and some family members put the blame on me, saying "she only acts that way because the way you raised her! They are not here and they don't see what goes on.. when we go out and they all see her.. she acts different , she behaves. They say she don't have a mild autism she is a normal child.. and nobody believes us.. but as soon as we get her alone with us it starts.. Tantrums that go on for hours...normal kids don't do that,, or at least there tantrums don't last that long.. I have everyone tryng to tell well just do this and just do that If It don't work then the problem must be you and how your raising her..I cry on a regular basis.. sometimes I wonder how I can store so many tears..and how I can handle so much stress.... I figured that God only gives us what we can handle.. "he must have alot of faith in me" because I don't know how I get through it sometimes! All I can say is that I take it step by step and day by day! Thats the only way I can survive ..and just pray that tomorrow will be better then today..
LIke I said earlier .. I thought life was so unfair when I was younger and now I have this to take care of and deal with everyday.. it's so hard, "what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger" I never had faith in myself until now..To be able to have the strength to deal and cope with all this..day after day!
I'm stronger then I've ever imagined..JUst to wake up every morning and look into her eyes remindes me why I do this over and over everyday..Shes always my little princess and for her I am truly greatful.
Now I'm 27 and I have a 4 year old daughter Diagnosed with PDD.. (Pervasive Developmental Disrder) What a Life changing experience this has been! I remember the day I had her..I remember thinking, It takes so long to love people you meet.. to gain there trust and friendship.. but when you see that little one and hold them for the first time, you love them instantly. You've never met them before and it's as if you've known them and loved them for years.. It's so amazing how this happens. The first two years were great... (a dream come true) I had my perfect little family.
Then after her round of needles were givin to her she suddenly wasn't herself.. Our lives changes so dramatically.. I totally did not see this coming..Her attitude wasn't the same, she slaps me , punches me, swears at me , pulls my hair, spits on me , throws things at me and not to mention she destroys everything. She can just talk normally she has to shout all the time. My husband and I have been together for 7 years now and never fought.. we had pretty much one fight a year.. and since she has developed this problem we fight all the time .. I find myself wondering "is this gonna last? Are we going to make it through this?"
My parents and some family members put the blame on me, saying "she only acts that way because the way you raised her! They are not here and they don't see what goes on.. when we go out and they all see her.. she acts different , she behaves. They say she don't have a mild autism she is a normal child.. and nobody believes us.. but as soon as we get her alone with us it starts.. Tantrums that go on for hours...normal kids don't do that,, or at least there tantrums don't last that long.. I have everyone tryng to tell well just do this and just do that If It don't work then the problem must be you and how your raising her..I cry on a regular basis.. sometimes I wonder how I can store so many tears..and how I can handle so much stress.... I figured that God only gives us what we can handle.. "he must have alot of faith in me" because I don't know how I get through it sometimes! All I can say is that I take it step by step and day by day! Thats the only way I can survive ..and just pray that tomorrow will be better then today..
LIke I said earlier .. I thought life was so unfair when I was younger and now I have this to take care of and deal with everyday.. it's so hard, "what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger" I never had faith in myself until now..To be able to have the strength to deal and cope with all this..day after day!
I'm stronger then I've ever imagined..JUst to wake up every morning and look into her eyes remindes me why I do this over and over everyday..Shes always my little princess and for her I am truly greatful.
Hi there,
Is there anywhere you can go with your daughter (that she likes) to get a break? I used to go to IKEA (do you have that in the USA?). If you have a special needs kid you can pre-book them into the creche. The service was for an hour and it was free. My son loved going there. I would go and sit in the cafe with a magazine and just get an hours peace to re-charge the batteries.
Try to remember to tell eachother that you love eachother (about you and husband). We also went through a hard time. And even now my husband finds it harder to deal with my son, and if he really kicks off and my husband is losing his patience, my husband will just leave. I used to resent always being the one left to cope with him or be the one who always had to return home with him whilst everyone else continued enjoying themselves. But my son and I do have a really powerful bond, so I may have equally resented it if my husband had been the one to take over with my son. I don't know.
But my son has got alot better. All of these children do develope and do learn and do move on. Things I really strugged with two years ago are no longer relevant.
He wanted me to chase him today, and I said "I can't because I really need to go to the loo". He looked at me and said "if you run it will make you wee?" I said "yes". He found that hysterical and I couldn't help laughing and how he was laughing at the image of his mum running after him and wetting her pants. But then thats boys and toilet humour.
Is there anywhere you can go with your daughter (that she likes) to get a break? I used to go to IKEA (do you have that in the USA?). If you have a special needs kid you can pre-book them into the creche. The service was for an hour and it was free. My son loved going there. I would go and sit in the cafe with a magazine and just get an hours peace to re-charge the batteries.
Try to remember to tell eachother that you love eachother (about you and husband). We also went through a hard time. And even now my husband finds it harder to deal with my son, and if he really kicks off and my husband is losing his patience, my husband will just leave. I used to resent always being the one left to cope with him or be the one who always had to return home with him whilst everyone else continued enjoying themselves. But my son and I do have a really powerful bond, so I may have equally resented it if my husband had been the one to take over with my son. I don't know.
But my son has got alot better. All of these children do develope and do learn and do move on. Things I really strugged with two years ago are no longer relevant.
He wanted me to chase him today, and I said "I can't because I really need to go to the loo". He looked at me and said "if you run it will make you wee?" I said "yes". He found that hysterical and I couldn't help laughing and how he was laughing at the image of his mum running after him and wetting her pants. But then thats boys and toilet humour.
lol that's funny..kids and there imaginations! haha
yes , thats the situation Im in with my husband, everytime she starts to get mouthy he walks out and says "I can't handle this!" I deal with it alllll day and he comes home from work and sees her maybe an hour a day and can'y handle it...what the heck is that? must be nice...to come and go as you please and expect the other one to just deal with it.., but one thing that has come out of all this is I now see what kind of person my husband really is and how he has no concideration for my feelings...or never plays with his daughter because he complaines hes to tired...I tell him all the time that he needs to grow up and take some responsibility but he just finds a way to turn it around on me ..
yes , thats the situation Im in with my husband, everytime she starts to get mouthy he walks out and says "I can't handle this!" I deal with it alllll day and he comes home from work and sees her maybe an hour a day and can'y handle it...what the heck is that? must be nice...to come and go as you please and expect the other one to just deal with it.., but one thing that has come out of all this is I now see what kind of person my husband really is and how he has no concideration for my feelings...or never plays with his daughter because he complaines hes to tired...I tell him all the time that he needs to grow up and take some responsibility but he just finds a way to turn it around on me ..
I believe that people get to the same destination by different routes. Try not to judge your husband. I know it is difficult not to. Just get on with life. I found that when I stopped nagging and bitching and just got on with it that he seemed to help more. In many ways my husband knows that I have the closer emotional relationship with my son (and daughter). My husband is a workaholic, so I can't complain that he doesn't do stuff, because he actually does more than he should. In many ways he puts himself into work as a therapy for how he copes with our son's diagnosis. I know my husband loves me and the kids, he just doesn't say it unless he is drunk! Now I just accept he loves us and don't question so much or demand he does what I do. He is different and does what he does.
I am the one who goes to all the therapies and meetings and school stuff. My husband came to a Play Therapy session once (where we were to be taught ways to interact and play with our children). He spent most of the time outside smoking, and I know he will never go again and he isn't interested to learn how to 'Play'. Your husband may literally not know what to do with your daughter, and he may feel inferior compared to you. But I think that mums just can't put ourselves first and walk out 'because we can't do it anymore'. When the **** hits the fan (pardon my language), it is usually mums that clean it up. But I am not saying you should never get a break or some time for yourself. Work that into your routine. I make sure I go out with friends at least once a month. My husband babysits. He lets them stay up till midnight and eat biscuits and pop and get all hyper. But I wouldn't change him for the world.
This is my husband: my daughter wanted a puppy, so one morning my husband announces (first time) to everyone that "today we are going to get a puppy". I said "are you mad, I'm not going to be cleaning up after it all day long". "Don't worry", he said, "I will walk it and wash it and clean up its poop from the garden". Five years later he has only taken it for a walk once and even then he took it somewhere in the car and let it out to run about for 5 mins (whilst smoking a fag), and then came home again. I won't fall for that again.
I am the one who goes to all the therapies and meetings and school stuff. My husband came to a Play Therapy session once (where we were to be taught ways to interact and play with our children). He spent most of the time outside smoking, and I know he will never go again and he isn't interested to learn how to 'Play'. Your husband may literally not know what to do with your daughter, and he may feel inferior compared to you. But I think that mums just can't put ourselves first and walk out 'because we can't do it anymore'. When the **** hits the fan (pardon my language), it is usually mums that clean it up. But I am not saying you should never get a break or some time for yourself. Work that into your routine. I make sure I go out with friends at least once a month. My husband babysits. He lets them stay up till midnight and eat biscuits and pop and get all hyper. But I wouldn't change him for the world.
This is my husband: my daughter wanted a puppy, so one morning my husband announces (first time) to everyone that "today we are going to get a puppy". I said "are you mad, I'm not going to be cleaning up after it all day long". "Don't worry", he said, "I will walk it and wash it and clean up its poop from the garden". Five years later he has only taken it for a walk once and even then he took it somewhere in the car and let it out to run about for 5 mins (whilst smoking a fag), and then came home again. I won't fall for that again.
lol thats funny you mentioned that.. my husband wants a dog too he just mentioned it a wek ago and I told him the same thing"im not walkin it (yaddy yah!) but yes you are right ! I love my husband he does alot forus and I don't doubt that in the least.. I just wish he'd pay a little more attention.. thats all. But I guess he might come around eventually... and I do ***** at hime alot, but I have my reasons.lol we all do!
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about the struggles, but I believe there is hope for understanding. I was diagnosed with PDD NOS at age 6. I too went through a period of normalcy (as my grandma recalls and regressed some time around 1 1/2 or so.
If the shots caused it, I doubt it. If the shots triggered something that led into it, I can't fully rule it out... I'm not going to make a conclusion on something I can't prove. It could just be a correlation, after all. Regardless of cause I am what I am. I have my set of strengths and weaknesses.
As a child I did not like being held.. I didn't like being held back and prevented from exploring. Light touches tickled and itched. Firm hugs felt good as long as I welcomed them. Unfortunately I did not know how to communicate that.. I'd squirm and try to break free. If I couldn't break free, I'd feel stress.
In retrospect I think a lot of my violence and self injurious behaviors came from not being able to identify what I was feeling and how to cope with those feelings. They felt intense but I thought for some reason I must handle them on my own. And if I couldn't handle my feelings on my own, then I became angry with myself and aggressive, because I thought something along the lines, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop this feeling?" The same thing with pain. I doubt I was any less sensitive than anyone else; just it didn't dawn on me I "need" to do some of these things.
One of my greatest strengths I believe is my curiosity and desire to learn things about the world and myself. The greater I "know thyself" the stronger I become, and the better I can find out what I am feeling and cope with those feelings. For me feelings are like cause and effect. If I can identify the cause, then I can know how to deal with it next time or resolve the effect. It's a different way of thinking, but it's no less important than any other thought type. For me a lot of learning is like studying science. I learn from trial and error and experimentation.
That's something that your daughter will have to go through, but it can't be forced upon her. I guess it means having to be patient and remain as calm as you can. If your daughter is like me, I am very sensitive to anxiety around me. If you're anxious, I become anxious. I become anxious that you are making me anxious... That tension builds up... In those cases what I really need is a break. That way we can settle the matter when we are both calm.
If the shots caused it, I doubt it. If the shots triggered something that led into it, I can't fully rule it out... I'm not going to make a conclusion on something I can't prove. It could just be a correlation, after all. Regardless of cause I am what I am. I have my set of strengths and weaknesses.
As a child I did not like being held.. I didn't like being held back and prevented from exploring. Light touches tickled and itched. Firm hugs felt good as long as I welcomed them. Unfortunately I did not know how to communicate that.. I'd squirm and try to break free. If I couldn't break free, I'd feel stress.
In retrospect I think a lot of my violence and self injurious behaviors came from not being able to identify what I was feeling and how to cope with those feelings. They felt intense but I thought for some reason I must handle them on my own. And if I couldn't handle my feelings on my own, then I became angry with myself and aggressive, because I thought something along the lines, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop this feeling?" The same thing with pain. I doubt I was any less sensitive than anyone else; just it didn't dawn on me I "need" to do some of these things.
One of my greatest strengths I believe is my curiosity and desire to learn things about the world and myself. The greater I "know thyself" the stronger I become, and the better I can find out what I am feeling and cope with those feelings. For me feelings are like cause and effect. If I can identify the cause, then I can know how to deal with it next time or resolve the effect. It's a different way of thinking, but it's no less important than any other thought type. For me a lot of learning is like studying science. I learn from trial and error and experimentation.
That's something that your daughter will have to go through, but it can't be forced upon her. I guess it means having to be patient and remain as calm as you can. If your daughter is like me, I am very sensitive to anxiety around me. If you're anxious, I become anxious. I become anxious that you are making me anxious... That tension builds up... In those cases what I really need is a break. That way we can settle the matter when we are both calm.
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