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Day 1

Sep 13, 2013 - 10 comments

Took my b12 and 5 http first thing this morning!!!!  One thing I realized last night as I was starving after coming Hm from working a 10 hr day and being up since 3:45 am w my son throwing up.  Is that I came Hm and started stuffing my face.   I need to be careful this go round as gaining weight is a HUGE trigger.   I get depressed then want to pop a pill.  Last time at about the one month mark my lovely pink cloud lifted and depression hit.  So I started taking Prozac.   Within 3 days I gained 5 pounds.  (Umm that freaked me out).  So That's when I began slowly taking them again.  On the weekends then you know how it goes.   I never really freaked out on them and took a whole bunch.   But for me taking any amount is just not going to work BC I want to be Close to my awesome God.  I want to be HERE.   All of me.  My emotions and all.  

So today I will be careful to not over do it on food.   I will hop on the treadmill and see what I can muster up after working my 40 hrs in 4 days.  I also need to start reading my bible again.  That's one thing I didn't do last time around.  I needed to rely on His stregnth to get through this.   He is my strength!!!!  My source of everything!!!!  

Ok day 1 here we go.   I'm ready to tackle this beast head on.   For I know I am Not alone ever in this battle.    Thank you Jesus.   I also love all the support of you guys.  I need you all!!!!  Love Chris.  Lets have a great day.   Ready for a roller coaster ride.   Lol.  U guys wil here me go up and down I'm sure.  But I'm hanging on tight this time

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by luvabugga, Sep 13, 2013
That rollercoaster's got nothing!!  Big stupid, dumb jerk rollercoaster...lol.  Before you know it you'll be through the big scary dips and coasting to the end!  Stay focused on the long ride!!!  You got this!  You WILL do it!

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by SmilingBright, Sep 13, 2013
You are so right!!!!  Thank u so much luvabugga!!!!!

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by toothfairie, Sep 13, 2013
Girl i'm still SO proud of you!!  and so proud of you for flushing your stash!!  you will do this girl....i have faith and I know you do as well....and you know how to reach me anytime....sorry I wasn't awake yet this morning.....hahaha!!  

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by VICourageous, Sep 13, 2013
Well Chris it looks like some do not know you were here before and did this once. I know this time U will be more alert on what causes the Triggers and keep your Guard up better. Be tough and keep those Boxing gloves on. See You have a lot to offer to the new ones that think they got it beat in a week..Ha!! Right! You should jump in and let them know..Maybe this is the kind of Words the Lord wants you to spread around here..lol
AND as far as using the excuse to use for 5lb weight gain..Come on Girl we are talking about 5lbs Geeez that will come & go anyway. Just always remember that it is the Brain that gets affect so bad..So you do not want to be messed up in the brain and be a Yo-Yo..You are very Beautiful and You work hard on it, but just be very careful not to let it be a Trigger & that Social thing..OK?? Give Yourself some Credit here Girl..You are a GREAT, LOVING CARING, KIND SOUL and we Love you around here..Bless U Always & Forever Dear.

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by toothfairie, Sep 13, 2013
GREAT post Vic!!!!  :)))  

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by SmilingBright, Sep 13, 2013
Aww Vic. Thank you my girl.   You made me laugh BC it's very true.  This is definitely not beat in a week.  Lol.   Omg!!!!!! I had No idea how hard this stuff really was to beat. You guys are all heroes in my book!!  Seriously takes guts, grit, bravery and alot of HARD work to get and keep your sobriety!!!  I am totally ready to follow in your footsteps.  I pray that the challenges I face while going through this process that I will remember to continually look To HIM first and foremost for help.  
I CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength !!!    I will come up w a list of scripture that will help strengthen me so when the devil comes knocking I will be guarded w His word at all times.  

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by luvabugga, Sep 13, 2013
I'm familiar with her story.  I know it's not her first time....but I'm feeling confident it's her last!  I may not post much, but I ready daily on everyone's struggles and triumphs.  It's what keeps me grounded. It's been 9 months since I stopped all the medication....and I don't ever want to go back.   When I do post, I just try to keep it light and upbeat....and just try to put a different spin on it.

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by SmilingBright, Sep 13, 2013
Wow luvabugga!!!!   9 hardwon months for you.  That's awesome!!!!!  I have seen u around just didn't know your whole story.  Thank u so much for the support!!!  It means alot.  

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by VICourageous, Sep 13, 2013
Did you look into the Celebrate Recovery?? lol

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by SmilingBright, Sep 13, 2013
Not yet Vic.  But gearing up to go to church on sun.   And I have some scriptures I will post in a bit that I will have handy. As I know I will need them.    Game on Vic!!!   I'm doing it right this time.   God is in this equation all the way this time!!!!   Love u.  And thanks for checking on me.   I will ask about recovery on sun.   Love u

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