beffqwerty's Profile
Mood:
beffqwerty is
happy but broody
About Me:
Female, 18, Woking - United Kingdom, member since Apr 2008
I'm 18, i enjoy listening to music, watching movies and i love animals. I have 10 cats at the moment, although 7 of those are tiny kittens who are adorable, I love to sing and act.
Interests:
One mess after another
Apr 17, 2008 08:21PM
- 0 comments
Well, its 2am just gone and i find myself awake again!
I finally phoned up the benefits people today, they've been screwing me around and i've been avoiding sorting it because i have trouble talking on the phone to people (i tend to panic and hang up). They're sending me out my form and all i have to do is take it in and that'll be fine.
However, i will only be getting around £45 a week, which although it'll support me for food won't pay the rent. I'm really stressed as me and my partner want to move out of my mums and into a place of our own. Its not just because we want privacy and space, it's because whenever i'm around my mum my anxiety and depression go nuts! She's always yelling at me and i have to tidy up after her and everyone or she threatens to kick us out. Even my partner is getting more depressed and angry about it, and he didn't believe me at first when i told him how bad she was to live with. She's an alcoholic but i tried talking to her about it and she just got defensive and told me to leave it. I don't know how much longer i can live with this, since i've been here i've self harmed twice and i constantly think of ways to leave all this **** behind. I used to do that but not nearly as often and i could usually cheer myself up by being with my partner or reading a book, but its stopped working now. I have 6 months to wait til i can see a counsellor/therapist and i keep feeling overwhelmed.
I've been told i can't work for 6 months but if i don't then i can't afford to move out and my mum is starting to come between me and my partner, we're arguing more and keep snapping at each other. I don't want to mess up this relationship like i have every other one, especially not because of my mum! I don't know what to do anymore! I can't live here but i can't move out, i can't work but i need to so that i have the money to get away from here, and just as i start sorting my health out a bit my stress levels go sky high and i end up feeling worse everyday. I just want everything to stop and leave me alone. I want to get away from it all and not be up all night wondering if my life is ever just going to be normal and peaceful :(
I've had a really messed up life and it just won't stop and i'm so sick of it all
Rant over, i can't stop crying and its making it hard to see the screen.
This isn't me trying to get attention i just needed to let it out before i go nuts!
I finally phoned up the benefits people today, they've been screwing me around and i've been avoiding sorting it because i have trouble talking on the phone to people (i tend to panic and hang up). They're sending me out my form and all i have to do is take it in and that'll be fine.
However, i will only be getting around £45 a week, which although it'll support me for food won't pay the rent. I'm really stressed as me and my partner want to move out of my mums and into a place of our own. Its not just because we want privacy and space, it's because whenever i'm around my mum my anxiety and depression go nuts! She's always yelling at me and i have to tidy up after her and everyone or she threatens to kick us out. Even my partner is getting more depressed and angry about it, and he didn't believe me at first when i told him how bad she was to live with. She's an alcoholic but i tried talking to her about it and she just got defensive and told me to leave it. I don't know how much longer i can live with this, since i've been here i've self harmed twice and i constantly think of ways to leave all this **** behind. I used to do that but not nearly as often and i could usually cheer myself up by being with my partner or reading a book, but its stopped working now. I have 6 months to wait til i can see a counsellor/therapist and i keep feeling overwhelmed.
I've been told i can't work for 6 months but if i don't then i can't afford to move out and my mum is starting to come between me and my partner, we're arguing more and keep snapping at each other. I don't want to mess up this relationship like i have every other one, especially not because of my mum! I don't know what to do anymore! I can't live here but i can't move out, i can't work but i need to so that i have the money to get away from here, and just as i start sorting my health out a bit my stress levels go sky high and i end up feeling worse everyday. I just want everything to stop and leave me alone. I want to get away from it all and not be up all night wondering if my life is ever just going to be normal and peaceful :(
I've had a really messed up life and it just won't stop and i'm so sick of it all
Rant over, i can't stop crying and its making it hard to see the screen.
This isn't me trying to get attention i just needed to let it out before i go nuts!