PDD: What All Parents Need to Know.
Apr 18, 2008 02:41AM
- 5 comments
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Keep in mind "developmentally delayed" doesn't mean nothing will come at all. It just means it will come in its own time, regardless of whatever timeline is set for "average"
~ MJI
Please pass this message on to anyone who needs to know this.
At one time on my first assessment at age 2 my parents were led to believe I was mild to moderately retarded and would likely not make it to high school, possibly not even the 6th grade.
Not only was I mainstreamed in the public school system, but I graduated high school top 10% I am an adult and seeking to help people understand autism in a different light than the "doom and gloom" propaganda out there.
It shows how much the docs know at such an early age....
~ MJI
Please pass this message on to anyone who needs to know this.
At one time on my first assessment at age 2 my parents were led to believe I was mild to moderately retarded and would likely not make it to high school, possibly not even the 6th grade.
Not only was I mainstreamed in the public school system, but I graduated high school top 10% I am an adult and seeking to help people understand autism in a different light than the "doom and gloom" propaganda out there.
It shows how much the docs know at such an early age....
Hi MJ,
My father also had Developmental Delay. He couldn't read or write until in his early teens. He left school age 14 having spent alot of his time 'in the sewing class' because the teachers throught he was unteachable. He trained as a mechanic and then joined the army and used to service tanks etc. On leaving the army he went on a training course about the new binary computers. Eventually he was employed by the Post Office as their chief engineer for the Midlands/North East England, and was their main trouble shooter sent all over the country. So, yes, I would agree that DD is just what it says 'a delay', and there can be 'catch up' later on.
My father also had Developmental Delay. He couldn't read or write until in his early teens. He left school age 14 having spent alot of his time 'in the sewing class' because the teachers throught he was unteachable. He trained as a mechanic and then joined the army and used to service tanks etc. On leaving the army he went on a training course about the new binary computers. Eventually he was employed by the Post Office as their chief engineer for the Midlands/North East England, and was their main trouble shooter sent all over the country. So, yes, I would agree that DD is just what it says 'a delay', and there can be 'catch up' later on.
waw,how reliefe to now that. 2 young members in my family suffer from DD. it is god to know it is a matter of time!
thanks sis
thanks sis
Hi MJ,
Thanks for posting. My son is in the process of being diagnosed with...PDD? Autism? SID? The more I read the less I believe. It is difficult to subscribe to a diagnosis when the only criteria are the symptoms and no one can point to an underlying physiological problem with any degree of accuracy. I am not questioning the existence of these disorders, I am just amazed at how little we really seem to know about the whole host of "disorders" associated with Autism.
The Little Man is very very smart. Has amazing sense of direction, really good visual/spatial skills. He just turned three and he can identify the planets and is fascinated by all things astronomical. We are teaching him to spell and sound-out words. He loves big words and will always choose the longer word to show-off. However, his verbals skills are significantly delayed. Speech can be disjointed and not necessarily in sentences. He can definitely communicate, but it is not at the same level as his peers. This, of course, frustrates him.
This verbal delay exacerbates his social skills which are already impaired. He has problems playing with other kids. If something goes "not according to plan", for example, if another child compromises his Lego structure, it is the end of the world. We have helped him learn how to deal with these instances by calmly explaining what to do and what not to do and having him repeat back us the operating procedure in these cases. Sounds good, and has helped but certainly hasn't solved the problem....not yet.
Another post spoke of a child pulling her hair. Yup. Been there and am still there. Nothing I do or say can convince him that pulling my hair isn't funny. I have also been smacked and bit. We are working on these behaviors. Zero tolerance has had some effect. Any hair pulling, even a little tug, now results in a time out. I'm not sure if he understands why it is unacceptable (we always explain, as calmly as possible, that yanking my hair from my skull is inappropriate and then have him explain to us why it is inappropriate) however, he does understand consequence.
Well, I have rambled on....BUT I DO HAVE A QUESTION!!!!
Did you have any huge social problems? Did you have problems figuring out how others were feeling? How did your parents help you?
Any suggestions, with details if you can, would be great.
Thanks for posting. My son is in the process of being diagnosed with...PDD? Autism? SID? The more I read the less I believe. It is difficult to subscribe to a diagnosis when the only criteria are the symptoms and no one can point to an underlying physiological problem with any degree of accuracy. I am not questioning the existence of these disorders, I am just amazed at how little we really seem to know about the whole host of "disorders" associated with Autism.
The Little Man is very very smart. Has amazing sense of direction, really good visual/spatial skills. He just turned three and he can identify the planets and is fascinated by all things astronomical. We are teaching him to spell and sound-out words. He loves big words and will always choose the longer word to show-off. However, his verbals skills are significantly delayed. Speech can be disjointed and not necessarily in sentences. He can definitely communicate, but it is not at the same level as his peers. This, of course, frustrates him.
This verbal delay exacerbates his social skills which are already impaired. He has problems playing with other kids. If something goes "not according to plan", for example, if another child compromises his Lego structure, it is the end of the world. We have helped him learn how to deal with these instances by calmly explaining what to do and what not to do and having him repeat back us the operating procedure in these cases. Sounds good, and has helped but certainly hasn't solved the problem....not yet.
Another post spoke of a child pulling her hair. Yup. Been there and am still there. Nothing I do or say can convince him that pulling my hair isn't funny. I have also been smacked and bit. We are working on these behaviors. Zero tolerance has had some effect. Any hair pulling, even a little tug, now results in a time out. I'm not sure if he understands why it is unacceptable (we always explain, as calmly as possible, that yanking my hair from my skull is inappropriate and then have him explain to us why it is inappropriate) however, he does understand consequence.
Well, I have rambled on....BUT I DO HAVE A QUESTION!!!!
Did you have any huge social problems? Did you have problems figuring out how others were feeling? How did your parents help you?
Any suggestions, with details if you can, would be great.
I've lived with social problems most of my life, but the real problem with me I think is lack of motivation. Most of the time I am fairly content talking with my family members without reaching out to other people. It's not really a problem yet, but I do realize I can't rely on my parents/grandma for my socialization needs. Right now I'm at the stage of realization but not putting it into practice consistently.
With myself I have to CHOOSE to be with people and share with them my interests without taking over... Easier said than done. I have to keep in the back of my mind if I've rambled on and spoken several paragraphs, it's time I should let the other person speak their few sentences ever so often.
Right now it's mostly realization...and if I can catch myself try to put into practice. A lot of social behavior has to be learned and unfortunately by trial and error. I tend to find breaking down and analyzing failed interactions more helpful than general social stories. My biggest gripe as a child was the social story worked good in the "role play setting" but if I dare tried it in the "real" world for any situation...it would be just as embarrassing.. For instance it seemed to me the social stories made it like you can just go up to people and ask, "May I be your friend?" Most nice people would say yes, but I wouldn't hold my breath for another 3rd grader to say "yes" especially if they are poorly socialized themselves... It's not just the autistic person needing social stories, but I believe all children need some kind of education how to treat each other with respect, even people who appear or act vastly different from the norm.
I'm sure I diverged far and not answered your initial question. It's a difficult one to answer. General guides are more helpful than nothing, but they have to be tailored for the individual situation, and also mentioned in a way the child won't feel they are being talked down to. That was and still is another gripe I have. For some reason if people start telling me how I should behave, I start to back up and feel vexed to a varying degree. That being said, a lot of socialization has to be learned the hard way for it to really "stick" in my head. If I'm open to asking, then I can be told what I did wrong. But if I am not open to asking, then you're just going to get me feeling annoyed. Experience helps. The more I remember from past situations, the more I'm prepared for new situations. I've also learned over the years "formulas" to imagine certain outcomes and look for certain visual and verbal cues.
How to learn those formulas is like asking an artist "How did you learn to paint like you do?" or a writer "Where did you get all your ideas from?" Ummm... some people likely can answer these easily, but I can't and I doubt many writers/artists can either. There's a lot of individual learning and how much is learned depends on the person's ability and willingness; willingness being the bigger factor over ability. If someone lacks the ability but has the willingness, they'll likely go a lot further than someone who has the ability but lacks the willingness.
That applies to self injurious and abusive behavior. There has to be a lot of self learning and understanding to be able to recognize ones triggers and how to cut them off at the pass. I may not be able to control the anxiety and panic I feel during a meltdown, but I can choose what I do in that meltdown. I may not be able to stop crying, but I can choose not to bite my hand/arm/pull my hair, hit my head etc. I may have the strong (and overwhelming) compulsion to do one of those things, but I can still say no and find something else to do, even if I may have only a small window of time to react. It's a lot better to divert and punch a pillow or bag of socks, than it is to hit my mom... It also takes having to go against the grain emotionally...I may feel compelled to continue that argument, but if I start to feel my emotions get out of control, it's time to just break off and leave the person than persist.
There's also the ornery times where it may be fun to lash out against my sister or do strange things like put paper in people's hair to see their reaction (when I was younger), but once again that's something I had to learn not to do over the years. Having my little sister grow up to be bigger and taller than me is one good motivator to be nice. ;-) It also makes a big difference once I learned that other people are in "fact" like me and perceive the world in a very similar way to me and not only that can see me as well as I see them. It's a theory of mind thing that has to be learned before true understanding of other people can occur. (As far as I know) I put "fact" in "" because it is still something I can never know 100% truth without having the chance to actually physically perceive someone else’s viewpoint for myself to "prove" it. I am about 99.99999999~% sure which is close enough.
I suppose one way that may help is if your child asks questions such as if you can see yourself in the mirror like he can see himself is to say yes and try some fun games along with that. I'd ask similar questions as a child but get weird looks for answers. It only made it harder and took longer for me to fully understand the concept until someone could establish my "scientific hypothesis" is in fact right...
With myself I have to CHOOSE to be with people and share with them my interests without taking over... Easier said than done. I have to keep in the back of my mind if I've rambled on and spoken several paragraphs, it's time I should let the other person speak their few sentences ever so often.
Right now it's mostly realization...and if I can catch myself try to put into practice. A lot of social behavior has to be learned and unfortunately by trial and error. I tend to find breaking down and analyzing failed interactions more helpful than general social stories. My biggest gripe as a child was the social story worked good in the "role play setting" but if I dare tried it in the "real" world for any situation...it would be just as embarrassing.. For instance it seemed to me the social stories made it like you can just go up to people and ask, "May I be your friend?" Most nice people would say yes, but I wouldn't hold my breath for another 3rd grader to say "yes" especially if they are poorly socialized themselves... It's not just the autistic person needing social stories, but I believe all children need some kind of education how to treat each other with respect, even people who appear or act vastly different from the norm.
I'm sure I diverged far and not answered your initial question. It's a difficult one to answer. General guides are more helpful than nothing, but they have to be tailored for the individual situation, and also mentioned in a way the child won't feel they are being talked down to. That was and still is another gripe I have. For some reason if people start telling me how I should behave, I start to back up and feel vexed to a varying degree. That being said, a lot of socialization has to be learned the hard way for it to really "stick" in my head. If I'm open to asking, then I can be told what I did wrong. But if I am not open to asking, then you're just going to get me feeling annoyed. Experience helps. The more I remember from past situations, the more I'm prepared for new situations. I've also learned over the years "formulas" to imagine certain outcomes and look for certain visual and verbal cues.
How to learn those formulas is like asking an artist "How did you learn to paint like you do?" or a writer "Where did you get all your ideas from?" Ummm... some people likely can answer these easily, but I can't and I doubt many writers/artists can either. There's a lot of individual learning and how much is learned depends on the person's ability and willingness; willingness being the bigger factor over ability. If someone lacks the ability but has the willingness, they'll likely go a lot further than someone who has the ability but lacks the willingness.
That applies to self injurious and abusive behavior. There has to be a lot of self learning and understanding to be able to recognize ones triggers and how to cut them off at the pass. I may not be able to control the anxiety and panic I feel during a meltdown, but I can choose what I do in that meltdown. I may not be able to stop crying, but I can choose not to bite my hand/arm/pull my hair, hit my head etc. I may have the strong (and overwhelming) compulsion to do one of those things, but I can still say no and find something else to do, even if I may have only a small window of time to react. It's a lot better to divert and punch a pillow or bag of socks, than it is to hit my mom... It also takes having to go against the grain emotionally...I may feel compelled to continue that argument, but if I start to feel my emotions get out of control, it's time to just break off and leave the person than persist.
There's also the ornery times where it may be fun to lash out against my sister or do strange things like put paper in people's hair to see their reaction (when I was younger), but once again that's something I had to learn not to do over the years. Having my little sister grow up to be bigger and taller than me is one good motivator to be nice. ;-) It also makes a big difference once I learned that other people are in "fact" like me and perceive the world in a very similar way to me and not only that can see me as well as I see them. It's a theory of mind thing that has to be learned before true understanding of other people can occur. (As far as I know) I put "fact" in "" because it is still something I can never know 100% truth without having the chance to actually physically perceive someone else’s viewpoint for myself to "prove" it. I am about 99.99999999~% sure which is close enough.
I suppose one way that may help is if your child asks questions such as if you can see yourself in the mirror like he can see himself is to say yes and try some fun games along with that. I'd ask similar questions as a child but get weird looks for answers. It only made it harder and took longer for me to fully understand the concept until someone could establish my "scientific hypothesis" is in fact right...
Another social thing to consider: A lot of the time I think I blundered, when really I acted normal considering my feelings and situation.
I have a tendency to beat myself up over what I "Should" have said over what I really said... For instance, one time I was exhausted, dehydrated, and felt like I would faint. Some lady in her car snapped at me asking if I could walk a little faster.
All I could do was stare back at her and try to focus into her eyes with a freown on my face. I wish I could have walked up to her and said, "You know I've been walking out in this heat and I think I may faint and all you're concerned about is how slow I am walking?" I wish I could have added, "You're really sensitive aren't you?" But no... That never happened... I just keep it in the back of my head for the next person if that happens...
I may feel bad that I missed the oportunity for a really good comeback, but I have to realize my physical state of mind. If I really felt like I was going to faint and the only thought on my mind was to not drop on the street, chances are I couldn't have walked up to her window and said what I wanted. Then there's also the chance she wouldn't react like I would hope for in my head. Times like those I have to let go and realize I am in fact human. I'm not perfect and I don't always have to say the right thing at the right time (though it would be a true blessing). After all this is the real world, not a movie or piece of fiction. (With movies and fiction there's plenty of time for the writer to tailor conversations to make the most effect.) It doesn't workt hat way in the real world.
I have a tendency to beat myself up over what I "Should" have said over what I really said... For instance, one time I was exhausted, dehydrated, and felt like I would faint. Some lady in her car snapped at me asking if I could walk a little faster.
All I could do was stare back at her and try to focus into her eyes with a freown on my face. I wish I could have walked up to her and said, "You know I've been walking out in this heat and I think I may faint and all you're concerned about is how slow I am walking?" I wish I could have added, "You're really sensitive aren't you?" But no... That never happened... I just keep it in the back of my head for the next person if that happens...
I may feel bad that I missed the oportunity for a really good comeback, but I have to realize my physical state of mind. If I really felt like I was going to faint and the only thought on my mind was to not drop on the street, chances are I couldn't have walked up to her window and said what I wanted. Then there's also the chance she wouldn't react like I would hope for in my head. Times like those I have to let go and realize I am in fact human. I'm not perfect and I don't always have to say the right thing at the right time (though it would be a true blessing). After all this is the real world, not a movie or piece of fiction. (With movies and fiction there's plenty of time for the writer to tailor conversations to make the most effect.) It doesn't workt hat way in the real world.
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