Detox

Detox went wonderful, I finished what I thought was a total detox and came home feeling like a new woman. But the sorrow of this story is they sent me home on a medication called suboxone and what they don't tell you is yes it is a opiade agent with a beta blocker but when you take your last one you still go into full with draws. So the beta blocker didn't allow me to get the high from the codine but it kept just enough codine in my system to keep me from going into full with draws. So now my body is aching, sweats, chills, I feel horrible and wish I had a corner to crawl into and just die. How many more freaking days is this going to last. I had to take one half of a vicodine today to even get my body to moving. I had no energy to even get up off the couch and felt like I was going to pass out. The half gave me enough to make me feel like I can breath on my own but who the hell wants to breath. Oh if I could start over again, and know what I know now, trust me it would sure be a different story for certain. My house if starting to suffer because of the neglect of doing anything, I don't feel like cleaning at all. It's all I can do to feed my poor pets. I suffer from this damn anemia to and I'm taking all the vits I can take and not sure they are doing any good. I wish my daughter was living closer to me, she is such a strength it's unreal. I think she is in deniel though and god knows she has enough on her plate to deal with. And it's not supose to be that way that you lean on your kids but rather your kids lean on you. I see my life falling all around me and I feel alone, very much alone. I'm almost 62 and what a way to end ones life. Am I going to be 66 and feel the same way, god I hope not. So for all of you taking suboxone if you think its the magic cure don't let it fool you, IT"S NOT BY ANY MEANS, it's only a mask of the real problem.