Elmo869's Profile
Mood:
Elmo869 is
very depressed and missing my mom so much.
About Me:
Female, 31, Spring - TX, member since Apr 2008
I am a mother of two wonderful boys.They are 10 years apart. The oldest is 11 and the youngest is 1. I suffer from depression. Recently my mother passed away and my dad died 6 years ago.
Interests:
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Depressed Soul Diary Pt1
Apr 22, 2008 06:20AM
- 0 comments
My mind races knowing that you are gone. I hear them telling me that you are no longer here. My desperation catches up to me and there is no where to run, no where to hide. The pain lingers on as the time passes by. You are all that I think, dream and envison of. I want you to hold me again. Smile at me, tell me that I am stupid for doing whatever it is that I might be doing.
My eyes filled with tears as I vision this so call Life. This life that I have made for myself. My heart aches, my blood boils, my mind races, and my breathing slowly stops. I am entering the dark hole that I once called home. My swollen eyes don't like what they see. My heart yearns to go Home. The question where is Home. I know that Home is not in Texas. I know that my mom's house will no longer be my Home. Where can I go and be at home?
I visioned my life being so different. My dream was that at these age, I would be in love and married to my true love and have two kids and that my mom would take care of my kids and that there would have been peace between both sides of the family (mom's and dad's). I visioned myself having a career and being independant.
I want to break free from these shackles that binds my ankles together. I want to break free from this rut that I call life. I want to break free from my depression. I want to break free from this life.
I don't want life but death doesn't want me. I plead for mercy for my soul. I hurt the people that I love. I am blinded by the rage, anger and hatred that I can't enjoy life. I am blinded by the pain of my mom's death. I am furious that my family have deserted me in the worse way. I am screaming for help but to no avail. I look for help but no one wants to hear. I seek death but they stop me and bring me back. But Why? To leave me again. To have me suffering more.
My crushed finger hurts from typing. My body shakes knowing that there is no one here to warm me up. What did I do? I am paying a very high price. Everyone says that God does things for a reason, Please Lord help me undertsand your reason. Please Lord have mercy on me.
My eyes filled with tears as I vision this so call Life. This life that I have made for myself. My heart aches, my blood boils, my mind races, and my breathing slowly stops. I am entering the dark hole that I once called home. My swollen eyes don't like what they see. My heart yearns to go Home. The question where is Home. I know that Home is not in Texas. I know that my mom's house will no longer be my Home. Where can I go and be at home?
I visioned my life being so different. My dream was that at these age, I would be in love and married to my true love and have two kids and that my mom would take care of my kids and that there would have been peace between both sides of the family (mom's and dad's). I visioned myself having a career and being independant.
I want to break free from these shackles that binds my ankles together. I want to break free from this rut that I call life. I want to break free from my depression. I want to break free from this life.
I don't want life but death doesn't want me. I plead for mercy for my soul. I hurt the people that I love. I am blinded by the rage, anger and hatred that I can't enjoy life. I am blinded by the pain of my mom's death. I am furious that my family have deserted me in the worse way. I am screaming for help but to no avail. I look for help but no one wants to hear. I seek death but they stop me and bring me back. But Why? To leave me again. To have me suffering more.
My crushed finger hurts from typing. My body shakes knowing that there is no one here to warm me up. What did I do? I am paying a very high price. Everyone says that God does things for a reason, Please Lord help me undertsand your reason. Please Lord have mercy on me.