waitn838's Profile
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waitn838 is
moving back home to my friends and family
About Me:
Female, 28, NC, member since Oct 2007
everybody has their own story...heres a piece of mine...i moved from PA to NC in Sept 07...i have been living with my bf and am very much in love with him...i was preg Nov 07 but had a mc in March 08 .... im still devastated by the mc but im working through it and the s...
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what is wrong with these forums!!!!!
Apr 22, 2008 10:01AM
- 18 comments
i have been on medhelp for awhile now and when i was TTC i had so much support and i went through each month ending in a BFN...i got my BFP and then met the ladies on the pregnancy forums....everybody was so supportive and it felt great...
sadly that pregnancy ended in a mc and in a way i feel like ive lost my mind but i continued to try and keep in touch with the pregnant women...so here i am TTC and there is barely any support in the fertility forum...its so hard to get a response and its frustrating
then as soon as those women get BFPs its like they forget about us women TTC...whether we were preg and with them at one time or not those TTC women need support
i am completely frustrated and feel like there are so many "fake-like" people....seems like you're only good enough to talk to when you are in their class of people...its not right
it seems like there is major support lacking in many of the forums and mabye im the only one that cares...these ladies have helped through one of the worse experiences of my life and i was so thankful for that
now i feel like im a burden to them...and its not right
i think my time on these forums is drawing to a close...maybe my welcome has been worn out and i need to look elsewhere to get that feelling i once had coming to these forums for help and support
sadly that pregnancy ended in a mc and in a way i feel like ive lost my mind but i continued to try and keep in touch with the pregnant women...so here i am TTC and there is barely any support in the fertility forum...its so hard to get a response and its frustrating
then as soon as those women get BFPs its like they forget about us women TTC...whether we were preg and with them at one time or not those TTC women need support
i am completely frustrated and feel like there are so many "fake-like" people....seems like you're only good enough to talk to when you are in their class of people...its not right
it seems like there is major support lacking in many of the forums and mabye im the only one that cares...these ladies have helped through one of the worse experiences of my life and i was so thankful for that
now i feel like im a burden to them...and its not right
i think my time on these forums is drawing to a close...maybe my welcome has been worn out and i need to look elsewhere to get that feelling i once had coming to these forums for help and support
Oh I'm so sorry you feel this way I for one try to keep in touch with those still TTC if not in the fertility forum but sending them a note once in a while I wish more ppl would understand the pain and frustarttion you must be feeling....and know I'll be here for you any time you need me....
((HUGS))
Brandi
((HUGS))
Brandi
I'm so sorry you feel that way, I haven't seen that at all. Life TTC is such an emotional up and down and everyone is at different points at different times, and some are able to respond at some times and not at others. I have seen lots of responses and support. Is there one thing in particular you didn't get responded to on? If so, I am so sorry and I would love to see if I can answer or give my opinion. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult and so emotional and I know how traumatic it is. I don't think the BFP'ers forget, I think they get excited and then when it passes maybe they feel unwelcome when so many are struggling, they don't want to make the hurt any worse, KWIM?
im not trying to make anybody feel bad...its a combo of effects
it just seems sometimes that people on the fertillity forum only come to ask questions and dont help support others TTC...but trust me not every person on there is like this...i just feel it was so much more supportive last time I was TTC then this time
and the preg women....im happy for them...many of them have overcome losses and other things in their life...i wish nothing but the best to them...but its nice to also have some advice for them once in awhile...sometimes i truly feel forgotten...honeslty its like "she's not preg anymore so i dont have to answer her" which i know is harsh but thats what im feeling....again its not everybody
but its frustrating....the overall feeling in these forums seems to be so different
it just seems sometimes that people on the fertillity forum only come to ask questions and dont help support others TTC...but trust me not every person on there is like this...i just feel it was so much more supportive last time I was TTC then this time
and the preg women....im happy for them...many of them have overcome losses and other things in their life...i wish nothing but the best to them...but its nice to also have some advice for them once in awhile...sometimes i truly feel forgotten...honeslty its like "she's not preg anymore so i dont have to answer her" which i know is harsh but thats what im feeling....again its not everybody
but its frustrating....the overall feeling in these forums seems to be so different
I have been ttc for almost 2.5 years with no success. When my depression hit I joined fertility forum, about 6 months ago. I personally received a TON of support there from women struggling to conceive as well as those already pregnant. Tanker was one of the first people to respond to my first post (I was getting ready to have my laparoscopy) and she has always been very helpful. Yes, many ladies disappear after a BFP but some do stay. I made many friends on the fertility forum that I stay in touch with regularly as they go through the ttc rollercoaster. I never had a m/c (I never had a BFP) so I could not be helpful answering your questions but we can all empathize with the awful pain and loss that you had to endure. I am very sorry that we seem unsupportive but I just wanted to let you know that we are all following your journey and hope you get another BFP soon!
I don't know you, but have been on MH for a very long time. I know from my own experience (I have had two babies while a member here and also 2 m/c's) that when you have been in a group of women who are TTC and you get pg while your friends do not, it is a bittersweet thing. You want to scream from the rooftops that you are pregnant and talk about every little thing, but you don't because you do not want to hurt your friends who are still desperately TTC.
I don't think it is something malicious, they are probably trying to avoid the impression of rubbing it in and feel the easiest way is distance.
And you will find it goes in cycles. Some times it is one big lovefest, others it is a warzone.
Good luck to you.
I don't think it is something malicious, they are probably trying to avoid the impression of rubbing it in and feel the easiest way is distance.
And you will find it goes in cycles. Some times it is one big lovefest, others it is a warzone.
Good luck to you.
i dont mean to offend anyone...i just needed to vent
I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you are. Honestly, I've never experienced a m/c and never really "worked" at TTC. For me pregnancy just came naturally when it came. Never put a whole lot of thought into it. Just enjoyed the BD. I have nothing to offer in advice. I read your posts all the time, but I just don't have anything to bring to the table. I do try to post my support and prayers for you. I hate that you are going through all of this. Lots of baby dust your way! I know you are TTC conceive again and I hope it comes fast for you. God Bless!
hi i new at this so not even sure how i get on the fertility forum. but i have been trying for 3 yrs to get pregnant. I did...... then m/c at 6 weeks. i was so gutted. felt lonely and missed the baby even tho i didnt see or feel it. maybe that silly i dont no.
dont go and keep in touch. id like that. tell me more about yourself?
katie
dont go and keep in touch. id like that. tell me more about yourself?
katie
Hopefully we get our bfps together - at least we know we'll always have each other LOL!!
I don't think anyone could be offended by your feelings. I hope you get your bfp soon.
I'm sorry you are feeling neglected :( I try to check in as often as I can and post as much as I can. At least I try to post where I have some knowledge. If I don't know, I still try my best to help even if I have to look it up on the web. I work from 7am til 5pm and do most of my posting from work. Sometimes I don't get a chance to check in as I would like. Darn job, they expect me to work, too?!? lol
I don't know if you were here then or not. But many of the women on the 35+ forum are over there because of some posters here. Two or 3 posters got mad at them for posting pics of u/s and updating us on their progess. I know they felt bad and moved over there. Sheila, Kelly, Brandi, Perty, April, etc. I don't remember who they were that were posting the threads, but they made it clear they did not want our pg sisters posting here. So many of them were here on the Fertility Forum for a very long time. It wasn't an easy road for them and I am so happy for each one of their successes. I wish the ladies that made those posts had not. I miss them being here, too. They are not snubbing us. They are trying not to "rub it in our faces" as the other posters said. (((hugs)))
I don't know if you were here then or not. But many of the women on the 35+ forum are over there because of some posters here. Two or 3 posters got mad at them for posting pics of u/s and updating us on their progess. I know they felt bad and moved over there. Sheila, Kelly, Brandi, Perty, April, etc. I don't remember who they were that were posting the threads, but they made it clear they did not want our pg sisters posting here. So many of them were here on the Fertility Forum for a very long time. It wasn't an easy road for them and I am so happy for each one of their successes. I wish the ladies that made those posts had not. I miss them being here, too. They are not snubbing us. They are trying not to "rub it in our faces" as the other posters said. (((hugs)))
vent away - that's one reason we are here... but so sorry you are feeling this way... I've been through two m/c's - no children yet and it is so hard to see person after person get their BFP on here and kind of disapear - although a lot of ladies have stayed in touch w/me even after getting that BFP... I'd like to invite you to a group we have going (found my ttc friends):
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/490352
This is where I find the most support... I've gotten to know these ladies and it's so much easier to ask them questions than it is for me to post a new question - I get more responses, and I feel like I really know the people who respond. It's been kind of quiet in there lately, and we'd love to have more join in... so feel free! Good luck to you and let me know if you need someone to talk to! HUGS!!!
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/490352
This is where I find the most support... I've gotten to know these ladies and it's so much easier to ask them questions than it is for me to post a new question - I get more responses, and I feel like I really know the people who respond. It's been kind of quiet in there lately, and we'd love to have more join in... so feel free! Good luck to you and let me know if you need someone to talk to! HUGS!!!
I don't think anyone should be offended by your feelings and I don't think they have forgotten about you. I went through years of infertility and my friends were all getting pregnant. They distanced themselves a little because while they were happy they also knew I was miserable. Alot of us that have kids are on the maternal forum - maybe we could offer you some support and advice when you want it. Good luck and try to stay positive.
I have to agree with you! Sometimes I feel the same way. I try to respond to everyone and I do apologize if I mad you feel forgotten..... There are times that I post a question and it seems like no one even reads it.... they used to blame it on not having any pics up and then we put pics up and still nothing..... I agree it was much better before. I came on somewhere around Oct.-Dec. and found it much much warmer on here...... I hope that you get your BFP soon! I know that you deserve it and so will your baby! Good Luck and you can always talk to me either here or on myspace........
Good luck and keep your faith, stay positive!
Good luck and keep your faith, stay positive!
Don't worry about venting....that's what one of the functions of this forum is anyway...to let us get it out.
& don't worry...we didn't forget u...its just sometimes hard to find you and find out how you're doing; and sometimes, once you get your BFP, you're worried that you might make those TTCing depressed, and that's the last thing we want to do.
I popped over today to the fertility forum to try and check on a few people and saw that you may have a BFP...how many dpo are you...are you going in for a beta anytime soon?
Sending you tons of hugs and SSBD!!!
& don't worry...we didn't forget u...its just sometimes hard to find you and find out how you're doing; and sometimes, once you get your BFP, you're worried that you might make those TTCing depressed, and that's the last thing we want to do.
I popped over today to the fertility forum to try and check on a few people and saw that you may have a BFP...how many dpo are you...are you going in for a beta anytime soon?
Sending you tons of hugs and SSBD!!!
I am so sorry that you feel those who are pregnant are neglecting those TTC. I had been trying for a very long time, and after multiple IUI's eventually did IVF and finally got my BFP. I had been checking in on the fertility forum and read many posters who did not want those who were pregnant posting on the fertility forum. So I stopped posting. I would gladly give any advice I had to offer those TTC as I know the struggle they are going through. I could not read the lines on your test as they were blurry, but I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. good luck.
I am so sorry you feel that way, but it is good for you to vent and get it off your chest. I believe that MedHelp needs a separate forum for woman who are just TTC naturally and have one for woman that have to get injections and take medications in order to become pregnant, i.e. Fertility Problems Forum. I think if they separated it, it would make things easier. I am going to start TTC within the next few months to give my 20 month old a playmate, but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable posting on the Fertility forum, just because I already have a child and I in a way I would feel bad since I have already been blessed and they are trying so hard and going through so much pain and frustration, that I can't even fathom. I did not plan my son, he was our pleasant surprise, so I am hoping next time around it will come just as easy. I wish you the best and lots of luck with planning your family.
I know how you feel, so I tried the baby dust coomunity and find it to be a "click" and definatly feel unwanted. When i go back to work this week i probably won't be on this forum very much, i prefer the today's parent forums, they have a preconception one, then you move up to 1st trimester, 2d tri and 3rd, then they have them for your kids...they also have a seperate fertilty one for people with more ttc problems. I'm sorry with what you went through this week, i didn't know what to say so i didnt say anything till i could find words to comfort you. Tomoorow we go to the city to see the specialist, get all the fianl results and the autopsy. It will be a hard day. You will get your bfp soon. I know it.
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