Jun 05, 2009
It is now June 5, 2009, 10 months after the above re-occuring incident; after 14 Physicians (Specialist & PCP's), 5 Hospitals (including a renowed University in Florida), 27 different medications, 18 of which I cannot take (including 4-statins) nothing or no one positive has stepped up to 'march to the beat of the drummer'. I am fatigued, frustrated, angry, and on the edge of just giving up the ghost. Oh God; when does it stop?
Living in the United States, a democrcy, having full coverage Medical Insurance, being aware of my body, how it works and reacts, my feelings are poor. But I am an Advocate for Quality Healthcare and most people do not ask the questions,RISK VERSUS BENEFIT, they just do or take whatever they are told, trusting the Pedestal sitting Physician or the Nurse 'lip serice', because Doctor said so, and she wants her payhek on Friday. In 2009, Quality Healthcare is NOT a privilege, but rather my RIGHT. Where have all the 'passionate' Doctors gone? Who anymore puts the patient and their problems before the greed of money? If you have such a person, HOLD ON TIGHT, as you are in the minority.
My deceased husband had a similar incident - illness, that went on for several years. One day he must of weighed the pro's and con's of continuing . He chose to end his life and committed suicide in our home.
To this day MARV, I forgive you. You know it took a year or so, but I got thee with the spport of our dear friends. Ater spending 24 years, 11 months and 6 days, I now understand what you were actually mentally and physically going through. Being able to forgive has helped me to put one foot in front of the othr, everyday, and not turning into the bottle, drugs or some other vice. I miss you and only believe The Father has forgiven you also and now there is PEACE for you. Because I loved you so, you have given me courage each day. We shared everything; but that day, you could share no more. I am thankful for our years and all we did together and accomplished. I am proud of your occupation as well as my own, and I know you loved it, second to me. There are floorboards in Heaven, made out of stars, and I know you are watching me. I will continue everyday, and will find that Soul down here to help. distantwings