Hard to be Happy

I feel like a sh*tty person at the moment. In June of 07 I miscarried for the first time and it was by far the most emotional upset of my life. At the time my FH's cousin was pregnant and expecting a baby girl. After the m/c I couldn't stand to be around her. It wasn't her 'per-say' it was seeing her pregnant and knowing that I wasn't pregnant any more just tore me up inside. Then when she delivered in Oct. and it came time to visit her and the baby, I just couldn't bring myself to go and I felt awful. Then in Feb of 08 I found out that I was pregnant and was excited but scared all at the same time. My best friend had also come home from SC at this time and told me that she TOO was pregnant. How awesome, huh? Best friends pregnant together due 11 days apart! Sadly, that pregnancy ended in a m/c too. I love my best friend and I am soo soo happy for her, but when I saw her last week when she came home again and I saw her baby bump, I had to turn away and just cry. I felt so bad for her b/c it's not her fault and no pregnant woman should 'feel bad' for being blessed! And again...my FH's OTHER cousin just had a baby on Monday, no surprise...here I am crying my eyes out and feeling jealous of these beautiful new mommys who I DO care about, but have a hard time doing so right now. It really is so hard to be happy for others b/c I am so twisted with emotion inside. I've been seeing a therapist to help work through it all, but I'm begining to think it's a lost cause! Just needed to vent!!!