Truce: Recovery from Tardive Dysmentia, Tardive Psychosis and Tardive Dysphrenia Continues

  It was a good day. Everyone is at peace now. Why? Well let's say I "defused" things. On the family end someone was right to ask what the psychological elements were of the dysphoric hallucinations from tardive dysphrenia of "the Victorian era." Well I'd say the family runs like a matriarachy. Thus the "persona" of Cossette a "rebellion". If I "believed" it I wouldn't be posting psychotic thoughts on a public thread. Those specifically are neurological and accompany dystonic spasms. Why are they in remmisson now? The ginkgo (as carefully supervised by my neurologist) stopped them by adjusting dopamine levels. He is still researching the Lacosomide. That is FDA approved and just hit the shelves but although its an official anti convulsant its only in the animal model for tardive. He doesn't mind that aspect but there is the potential of liver damage. He has to find out more. As for the family a "truce" is a good word. I believe in equality between family members. I had no means to take over. But "you have a deteriorating medical condition" "you should live in a group home" "maybe you need more help than you think"?? No one wants to be referred to in that way. I do need accomodations for my disability but I would be the one to explain them. There will be a meeting with the accountant. That will be discussed and put in writing and notarized by family members. But I did agree perhaps my approach was too antagonistic so in discussing things with the family I took the lead in setting up a meeting at an IL center so that the need for a home attendant could be presented to my grandmother in a positive manner. It had not been presented to her that way before. We have a doctor and a dentist in the family and a researcher in audiology (who often looks up case studies for me to give to my neurologist, he can access clinical sites). They are all "specialists". I respect their knowledge. I stated that my knowledge in disability advocacy should be respected as well. But once I found out how to present it in a positive constructive light it was. A family should be a democracy. There is no need for authoritarianism. And yes the genes for bipolar do seem to run throughout the family. Some people have acknowledged it. Some are working on it. Some maybe should. But then again we've also had a lot of creative minds and political activists over the century we've been here and before then. We should accept our disabilities and how we can redirect any negative energy.
  Last night there was a severe thunderstorm. I wasn't afraid. That's important. Before recovery from schizoaffective it would have terrified me. And during the tardive dysphrenia the whole apartment seems like a haunted house. So my mind due to synaptic disruption (tardive dysphrenia) had taken a step backwards to the 19th century. And there were psychological elements behind it. My mother is going to approach treatment and at this point understands the need for it and will disclose to other family members so they don't say "I've never seen it" or "maybe you created it" (I'm a fellow traveler before recovery I often experienced full agitated mixed states, why would I put down a fellow consumer and when is a disability an insult?). But with the mental recovery close to full and the "unknown" aspects of tardive dyskinesia (tardive psychosis, tardive dysphrenia, tardive dysmentia) being treated we have the workings for a new generation of antipsychotics. And an understanding of new criteria under study in a way we didn't before. We can say we've reached the 21st century and I know the 1990's was supposed to be the "decade of the brain". I like the concept but let's advance treatment one step further to whole new modalities. It would have seemed like a nice goal but a bit implausible then. Now it isn't. My synapses are functioning more and more. Maybe over time they will start to function more on their own. Neurons can regrow. Its happenned to family members with minor strokes. And now the only "unknowns" are questions everyone wants to find out. Can my mental recovery be duplicated? I believe researchers everywhere are seeking an answer. And how can that be applied to other people? Its not just a matter of being homebound and gradually seeking accomodations to get out and about. I want others to recover as I have. And for anyone who is working to acheive it I do look for positive findings. As with the family we are all working together. I credit the researchers and their dedication and I hope I can say I was able to in some way help explore new pathways for others to travel. The family is at peace. My mind is at peace as well as my neurons. May other people experience this as well.