What else could happen?

Today is monday! My doc is supposed to be calling me back. Im tired of bending and im about to break. I cant handle any of this any more! The pain is always there. Finding new homes,  spreading threw my body like a virus. More issues always rising. I want to be healthy, smiling, no pain. I want a doc to finally give me a pain med that would work! something, anything, hell I'll even try a nsaid if it would hep more than what im trying, all these meds they give me I feel like there condescending me. Like after alive been on and been threw like vicodin could help. Then I take to much, so Im sure my liver is shot and Im gonna get in trouble with my pan doctor. But what am I supposed to do? I always am faced with the same choice, either get out of pain right this minute, and worry about tomorrow tomorrow, or suffer every second. I dont know why I always choose to get out of pain now. what can I do? I AM SO TIRED! TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING IN THIS MUCH PAIN! ALWAYS! EVERY MINUTE! AND NOW I HAVE TO SIT HERE DEGRADING MY ELF AND URINATE ALL OVER MY SELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN! WHY! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?