Some Input

Dec 04, 2013 - 9 comments

So DF recently switched companies within his career path. In going to this company he went on hoping to advance from assist mngr to mngr to district mngr and upwards rather quickly. On this app he indicated relocation was not a option for him.
He has recently met ALOT of the big wigs, people who havent come into his store or any stores for years. They are coming to meet and talk with him specifically. Yesterday he happened to meet with a VP of something. And he basically told DF straight out that his wants arent likely to happen given the growth in our area for the company is pretty well complete, they are however going to be opening 500 stores throughout the mid west and west coast etc within the next 2-5yrs, and they are looking at him for that. They state its easier to take someone from within and place them into the new store with experiece verses starting fresh makes sense.
He also stated that although DF maybe better qualified and have more experience than say someone else going for the position if the other applicant says they will relocate, well they are going to get the job over DF.
The VP said they understood its a family, and life changing decision not something to be taken lightly
Now DF has no family, he would up and leave tomorrow. Its my family that is here.

I want to support DF in his career and I know what he does is all for the good of the family. Its hard for me to think of moving more than a car ride away from my family
I always wanted Quinlan to have that once a week family dinner(which in reality we did for a while then it stopped), the holidays with one another(this is what airplanes are for), things like that

I guess Im nervous and its not something we have to decide today or tomorrow but in the next few months and the move would be in next couple of years at this point or at least thats our understanding.
I just want Quinlan to have the best possible life with all doors open for her. I want her to be happy,healthy, safe and know she is loved beyond words.
I dont want her to feel the void of not having family and loved ones around, I dont want DF busting his A$$ to provide for us and make a better life only to miss out on the joys of Quinlan.

DF has basically put this on me. If I think its best we stay put and raise Quinlan here we do, if I think its best and a better opportunity for the family to move we move.
Thats alot on someone's plate!!

I know in my heart the right thing to do is move when the offer presents itself. Its more $, which will help us put Quinlan through college and aide her in achieving her dreams in life. It will help us save more for retirement and be able to do the things we want to do once that time comes. Where now we live in a old money area. If we took our salaries now for example and moved down South we could have a "mansion" for less than we pay for what we have now

And thats not important to me its just an example of one of the benefits in setting ourselves up to be prepared for later in life.

I dont know. Not really sure what the point of this journal is other than to let it all out and I dont know what would you do? Move your "family" away from family to better yourselves or stay make it by your not well off your not struggling really either, and have family and loved ones close........

Oh also we would move/settle before Quinlan enters school.
I dont want her establishing those precious forever relationships and then ripping her heart out and making her be that ackward new kid.


**NOW Df's old company came back to him with a offer of more money, the understanding so they say of why he left and basically saying he loses nothing(opportunities, vacation etc) having left and he will start right back where he was

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by KTowne, Dec 04, 2013
I had a very similar situation a few years ago with DH, his job asked him to relocate and he would've picked up and moved because he and his family aren't close, but like you, my family and I are extremely close and I want my kids to grow up being very close with grandparents, aunts, etc. In the end, we didn't end up needing to move - the company didn't end up expanding and he got to stay put. In the end my decision was to go with DH, my most important "family" was DH, my son and I (Chloe wasn't here yet, lol), more important than grandparents and aunts, uncles, etc. If it's going to give her a better future financially, I think that's more beneficial than having your family super close. And I'm ALL about family, so I know how it is, never left my town or within 5 minutes of my parents, lol! It's not like you'll never see the family again, and holidays will always be worked out, my sister moved 4 hours away and I see her every birthday and every holiday. I think just weighing pros and cons, thinking long and hard about it and do what's in your heart, there is no right or wrong here, both ways, Quinlan and you and DH will have a fantastic life, and that's all that matters!!

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by Ellen038, Dec 04, 2013
Maybe he could stay where he's at for now and look for another place to work in the meantime. It sounds like it will be a while before they would expect him to relocate OR If he said yes and happen to change his mind closer to the time serious talk of relocating happened what would happen? Things may work themselves out on their own. Something better could certainly come along between now and then and moving wouldn't be an issue. I would be annoyed at the fact that they are putting him in this situation knowing he doesn't want to relocate. (That is probably my poor attitude talking right now though.) I would do what your most comfortable with. At the end of the day you have to be happy with the decisions you make. A person can have many jobs but they only have one family.

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by specialmom, Dec 04, 2013
I also have been in this situation.  My husband stuck to his guns for me and has never accepted any positions that required relocation.  

The thing about family is that even if you don't see them all the time, you know they are there.  Family often likes to come to soccer games or school plays.  They can be called to baby sit if needed when you are invited to an adult only event.  though dinners have stopped, they could resume any time.  That's irreplaceable. ,

My husband could be making more money for sure.  We could live anywhere in the US and he's turned down jobs in China, England, Germany and South America (various locations).  But here we are in the Mid West with family a short drive away.  That is worth it to me.

My husband is stable in his job.  If he weren't, that would be a different story.  If it were a question of 'having' a job verses not having one, well, then we'd move.  But if we can keep in the same job he has and live here, that is preferable and the choice we've made many times over at this point.

But that is us.  You have to decide what is best for you.  I also live in a suburb in which many transient people have moved to when transferred by a huge corporation headquartered here.  These folks live in super nice houses, have made friends, and do what they have to do.  They also seem happy.  

So, you kind of have to do what you feel is best.  And include your husband's feelings into that.

I felt strongly that I didn't want to me and my husband has given into that.  I moved every couple of years growing up for my dad's career.  It impacted me so that now I value roots.  I never had those growing up and wanted to have it for my kids.  So, we stay put.  

Okay, wow.  Hope you didn't mind all that input.  Wishing you the best in making this decision.  On the plus side---  it is wonderful to have options in this economy.  peace

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by adgal, Dec 04, 2013
Hey you!  It's been a long time - sorry I've been out of touch for so long.

It's a tough decision, no question.  I can tell you that I adore my family, am very very close to them.  Yet here I am in Calgary with not a single family member on either Warren or my side here.  And I will tell you honestly, it's tough.  I miss them.  We have the phone and Skype, but with every Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner I miss, every birthday that they can't just come over (or us there), I miss them.  Terribly.  The reality is though that neither Warren or I can make there what we make here.  So, we make it work.  We have very close friends who are like family now.  We make sure that Ryder knows his family and sees them as often as we can.  I cannot honestly say which is better.  I would love to be close to my family again, but I also know that there is a financial reality, so we need to be here.  Given that Ryder is an only child makes it even harder as I worry that he is missing out on all of that family time.  I don't know, honestly not sure which way I prefer.  I know I miss them, but I also know that struggling financially my whole life isn't something I want to do.  Maybe that makes me selfish, but I do like being able to afford the activities and things.  If I had to do it over again, still not sure which way I would go.  No help I know, it's really only something you can decide.  No matter what though, know that your family will always love you and your child, and in my experience, will always be there no matter what.

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by plumber43, Dec 05, 2013
Hi Lee,
     Big decision! Did I read correctly about his last job? They offered him more money? I don't blame you for not wanting to move. I've moved a lot in 47 years. Family is everything. Mine live all over but now my kids and grandson are here. DH wants to move to fla. I hate winter and would love it, I think but want to b near my kids!
    It's not for a few years you have time to think about it.
Whatever you decide I'm sure will be the right decision!
Hugs,
Mel

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by Sheaby, Dec 05, 2013
There's not much to be said that hasn't been said already.  We have been put in a semi-similar situation.  I live in a REALLY heavy military area - to the point people are shocked when I say I'm born and raised here - and always avoided military men.  Along comes Greg, who is in the Navy.  I knew when we met, the chance of relocating was inevitable.  Instead, he's being medically retired because of an injury sustained in a car accident.  If he doesn't find a job when he gets out, he has job offers in both Michigan and Florida.  My whole family is here, and I'm pregnant.  My moms first grand baby.  But I made the decision a long time ago, that I would follow Greg because he is my family, too.  That my mom is just a visit away, and we have great technology for being able to "see" everyone daily if we want.  Like many have said, in the end, you have to make the best decision for your family.  If it provides a better opportunity for growth, it may be worth the sacrifice of moving.  If it will end up the same there as it is where you are now, it may not be.  It could be a gamble, but the greater the risk, the greater the reward.

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by krichar, Dec 05, 2013
Well... If its closer to me im all for it, lol!! But i know what you're saying. If i was in this situation i would do it... As nice as it is to have then around its also nice to not... And DH and the boys are my family now, wherever they are is my home. Ive learned that sometimes you dont need to be blood to be family and i have friends that i trust more with my kids then my own family... Its really up to you but if youre close to me i promise to visit often :)

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by Bnl1024, Dec 05, 2013
I'm going through that right now. DH had the chance to go out of state at the end of my pregnancy and I didn't want to. Which it's way more money. He has family here and so do I. I told him I would let him know when I felt comfortable with moving to another state. And now is our time to go. Blakely is about to be 5 months old and I'm ok with leaving. But we're still keeping our house here and getting an apartment in Arkansas in January! Money is a lot in this lifetime. I feel if family wants to see you they will come and if you get homesick then make a weekend trip. It's about what's best for your daughter in the long run. She's not going to remember what's going on right now anyway. I always remind myself it's all about LONGTERM.

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by Hopeful4aBlessing, Jan 10, 2014
Hey long time! Hope you are well! I know I'm late to this party but here's my 2 cents. With technology today the way that it is, and jobs the way that they are, I'd say go for it! Where family is will ALWAYS be home, BUT there are so many opportunities waiting out there! When my dh was in a similar situation I was torn because I'm close to my family but in his current position he wasn't goign anywhere and there were better doors to be opened. I had my first real heart to heart with my dad while dh was out of town for said interview, and my dad gave me some advice I'll never forget.... in short, he said, when you agree to marry someone, they become your family. It's not easy to make the tough decisions but it's what we need to do sometimes. You can always go back but you can't always make opportunities like that arise. So, go for it, give it your all and who knows, great things might come from it!:)

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