Mood:
crecco is
sorry I haven't been much help lately, I've just been so tir... [More]
About Me:
Female, 47, Olney - IL, member since Sep 2007
Was dx with stage IV ovarian cancer with mets to the liver in Nov. 2005. Have been on chemo since 1 week after dx. Am currently on avastin/abraxane.
I live in Southern Il
... [More]
Interests:
I enjoy reading, rock hunting, Spongebob, and making new friends., Gardening  
 |  Del.icio.usYahoo BookmarksFacebookGoogle Bookmarks

My Sierra

Apr 29, 2008 11:03AM - 28 comments

  Been crying all morning and decided I needed to vent to myself and maybe it would help a little. A lot of us have our pets that mean everything in the world to us but we just do not talk about them on the forum too much so as not to take up space that is irrelavent to cancer. I posted my picture with Co-Co, my 11 year old baby, but I have had another dog that is my outside dog, named Sierra. She is 7 1/2 and was the last in a litter of puppies from a pit bull we had several years ago. She was part pit bull and part something else. But she was a sweetheart. I just could not keep her inside like I wanted too as the pit in her came out and she was jealous of Co-Co. I spent time with her everyday in a huge pen in the back yard. I had a chair out there so she could sit in my lap like she loved to do so I could rub her belly. she would just lay back in my arms like you would hold a baby and insist that i pet her continuously. About a month ago she started having small siezures and had started losing weight. I called the Vet and took her in just knowing that she had cancer and I would have to have her put to sleep. After her exam, (blood work, temperature, heart rate, ect) the vet found that she had heart worms. He explained that there is a treatment and what all it would involve. They kept her all day and gave her the first of three shots. When I got her home I had to keep her in a small confined area to keep her as inactive as possible. So I had sectioned off about a 10x10 section in my barn, filled it with a ton of straw, a big open box and lots of blankets, along with her food and water. She had to have medication every day, a steroid and an antibiotic. I thought that she was doing pretty good. Last Fri I had to take her back in as she would not eat anymore. The vet gave me some dog food just for that and a big syring and for several days I had to force feed her. But she had started eating it out of my had so I thought that was a good sign. I went out several times a day and sat with her and got her to eat for me. She was always so glad to see me. I would sit down and she would come over a lay beside me and i had to pet her the whole time. If I stopped, she would reach for my hand with her paw and pull it back to her. Mornings were always special because she was so glad to see me. This morning I went out, ready to feed her and sit with her awhile. I went out and pushed the door open expecting her to be there wagging her tail, just like always, but when I walked in she didn't move. I guess it was to much for her, she wasn't able to keep fighting. I am just devistated. I have had to call my sister and brother in law to come out and help me to bury her as I just can not do it.
  I know I am rambling on and some of you are thinking, " well it is just a dog" but I am one of those who considers my pets, my family. As many of you know, I live alone, so her and Co-Co are just that, my famliy. I am not writing this to expect sympathy by any means, I just need to let my feelings out and writing is a perfect way to do that.
  I asked my brother in law to make me some kind of marker (he works some with wood) so that I can burn her name into it. Then I want to coat it with a preservative so it will withstand the weather. I found a perfect place for her in my backyard. Under three huge, bushy apple trees, that are all very close together. It is very pretty out there right now. I am just so glad that my BIL came out to do this for me as I would have never been able to do it myself.
  Ok I have rambled enough. I guess that this is kind of my own memorial service for her. I am still crying but I feel a little better now. I am going to miss my "baby weezy" (my nickname for her) and her big smiles she had for me everyday. (Yes, she was actually one of those dogs who would "smile" when she was happy, and she smiled at me every day when I went out there).  Bye baby girl, Mommy loved you.

Comments
Post a Comment
by silver&gold, Apr 29, 2008 11:30AM
Dear Chris,
Im so sorry to read about your dog ,its not surprising that you feel devastated because they become such a big part of the family and are so loyal . I  can understand how sad you feel at the moment and send you my best wishes .
  
Angie

by msjazz, Apr 29, 2008 11:37AM
Dear Chris,   I am so sorry for your loss. I too have 2 dogs right now, have always had 1 or 2 at a time. It breaks my heart that you worked so hard to help her. I treated another setter yrs ago for htwms and it was really hard on him. He did make it, but it was touch and go. My sister tried on one of hers and he wasn't able to stand the treatment either.
I had a golden ret. before missy, that passed away from old age and heart failure. I took him 30 miles by myself to a friend in the country to bury for me at 2 a.m.. That is a friend, poor fella had to work the next day.I am glad your sis and bil helped you.
Hope you feel better soon.
I am stopping before I cry,   another pet lover.......Donna


by marie3B, Apr 29, 2008 11:50AM
Chris,

I am so sorry. I had a brittany for 16+ years. She was more like a sister than a pet. When Brandy became so ill she could not walk on her back legs I would carry her outside and hold her up to relieve herself. This sounds gross, but I am  a nursing assistant, so it was easy. I did this for a while until the look in her eyes let me know she was done fighting. After I had her put to sleep I was crying so hard that a policeman pulled me over. He thought I was drunk i was driving so swervy. It was because I was too teary-eyed to see! He was nice and offered to follow me home. I am truly sorry for your loss. Brandy has been gone for years, but i still sing her song. Remember "Brandy, You're a Fine Girl"?  Love, Marie

by Jan214, Apr 29, 2008 12:59PM
Dearest Chris,

Oh honey, I am so very sorry.  Losing a companion whether human or not is so very difficult.  So much of your day is planned around being there for your pet and it is a loss that takes time to get over. You SHOULD come on here looking for sympathy.  What are your friends for if not to be a strong shoulder.  I hope no one on here feels that they can't come to their friends for emotional support whether it be about cancer, pets, BF's, spouses or a bad hair day.

I am sorry about Sierra.  I have never been a pet person, (I take my moms view, if you are keeping that dog you better name it mom cause I'm outta here, okay she didn't talk like that) but I inherited a little Pekingese.  She was 8 when I got her and she weighed 8 lbs.  I was VERY reluctant at first, but she won me over.  Whenever a doorbell would ring on TV, she would go tearing to the front door.  At night before I went to bed I would line 3 milk bones on the bed and she would sniff each one, knock it on the floor and go to the next one.  If I just picked one up that got under something and laid it out, when she came to it she would knock it towards me and stare at me until I got a fresh one out of the box.  She liked to hide them around the house to come back to.  Towards the end she kept getting urinary tract infections and I had to make her a homemade dog food.  I got this recipe from my vet and it is really good for all kinds of ailments for dogs or older pets that have digestion problems.  Mix hamburger, rice, 1 chopped up boiled egg and a handful of crushed up tums for the calcium.  No kidding.  She liked the orange flavored ones the best.  I would make a big batch and freeze it in her meal size and than pop it in the wave.  It was a lot less gross than pet food.  I NEVER got used to that smell.  Really, though, I faulted myself for her illness because I would give her ham and she probably shouldn't have had it, but I only gave her a little on top of her regular dog food.  I switched to turkey on my Drs advice and we still had to call it ham or she wouldn't eat it.  I have a great picture somewhere of her sniffing a turkey carcass from Thanksgiving that we put on a silver platter and put on the floor for her.  Yes, we watched for bones.  The girls made her a christmas stocking that had ribbons and they tied milk bones on it every year.  She was 14 when she passed on and that is old for a Peke, but I wasn't ready at all.  If I could find another little peke like that I would get another one in a heart beat.  Actually, I have thinking about talking to Cory about a cat.  I don't have the energy for a dog, but cats are so distainful of people that they can go days without coming to look for you.  

Again, I am really sorry Chris.  Call me if you want to talk or I will call you later to check up on you.  Why don't you put together a Sierra scrapbook with pictures and grooming bows or whatever, that might help a little.
Love,
Jan

by ChrisP2236, Apr 29, 2008 01:26PM
Chris,
I just wanted you to know how very sorry I am about your dog.  I still miss our first dog, Murphy - we had him almost 16 years when we had to put him to sleep.  We also lost a cat that we loved to pieces after 8 years - I still expect to see him in the pool house when I got outside and they've both been gone about 8 years.  We cried for days after losing each pet. I think it's just natural to grieve when we lose these dear companions.  I like Jan's idea of a scrapbook. I'm also glad that you had family to help you with this, and you have us to grieve with you too.  
Hugs, the other Chris (P)

by dawnlyn, Apr 29, 2008 02:06PM
Chris,
Chris,

I am so sorry to hear about you dog, Sierra.  I had a boxer named Cain...He was excellent dog...Big sounded tough but really as gentle as a lamb.  He was my baby.  I had him before by boys came along he was a great companion In the winter time I used to let the big brute sleep in our bed, hubby was not too crazy about that...But is was a big bed.  When my boys came along, Cain was very protective and gentle with both.  When Cain got sick my husband was going to take him too vet....I said my goodbyes before he left....I knew.....So many tears.....Pets are just like family members.  They are so loyal and understanding.....That was 16 years ago.  We have a beagle now who looks like UNO the famous one, but ours is a little plumper.....She is a great dog....

Again I wanted to let you know how sorry I am.  Big (((Hugs)))

Love,
Dawnlyn

by msjazz, Apr 29, 2008 02:25PM
I am laughing and crying  at the same time. Look Chris. how your Sierra has sent us all memories of past pets we loved. She sent us those memories through you.      Love    Donna

by marie3B, Apr 29, 2008 02:27PM
Donna, You are so right. I just got done looking at pictures of Brandy when she was a tiny puppy! Marie

by SimplyStar, Apr 29, 2008 02:27PM
Chris,  I am so sorry hun, it is so hard to lose a long time loved pet, since I was a newborn , until just 1 year ago, there was always dogs and cats in my life,  the attachment is so close, with dogs especially, their love for us is so total, they show their emotions, so easily to read, they don't ever hold back that companionship  because of a harsh word or rebuke, I remember every dog that has ever shared my life with me, they were all so precious and to this day I can picture the little Black Cocker that was my companion when I was a toddler till I was a teen ager,  many Beagles  followed,  each one different and yet so faithful, then we started with the Fox Terriers, the last one was my hubbys companion through out his illness and death, that dog grieved along with the rest of us, I lost Wookie, just last year, and refuse to let the kids get me another dog.  I feel it would be unfair to another dog to live with me  at my age. I listened to Wookie cry night after night curled up in my hubbys recliner, where they had spent so many hours. All my kids have dogs, in fact Leslee has 3, she callls them her hairy children,  Do I miss having a dog, you better believe I do. The saying that Dogs are Man's best friends, is not an exageration, it is the truth. I hurt for you Chris, and send you  a big hug,   Marty

by SimplyStar, Apr 29, 2008 02:35PM
Just a added note, I find it difficult sometimes to remember names  of friends, but I can recall ALL the names of all the dogs I have had in 78 years.

by Morrowville, Apr 29, 2008 04:11PM
Dear Chris,

I am so sorry for your loss, my family always had dogs (when I was a kid my family bred German Shepards).  Since I've become an adult, I've gone with Golden Ret, Yellow Labs and Choc. Labs.  Hershey was my last dog, a choc lab.  She was my first female dog, and when we lost her after 9 years, my Gracie lost her best friend.  Grace is 17 now, and we still have times when we remember something Hersh did and cry because we miss her so.
We believe in pet heaven, and think kindly how happy Hersh is now, and how she is meeting our other pets and probably talking about us!

Bif, Dugan, Trooper, Hersh (my adult dogs) we miss you all.  

My 2nd husband thinks dogs are only for outside, (he grew up in the country) and doesn't want us to get one until we have an outside pen.  So we have a cat.  Jan, they don't make up for dogs, due to the reasons you yourself mentioned... cats don't need us.

I hope Sierra is meeting my dogs and they're having a laugh together at how silly we are.

hugs,
Donna

by Sandymac, Apr 29, 2008 04:14PM
Oh Chris, I'm so terribly sorry.. And she wasn't JUST a dog .. I've gone through this so many times and it never got any better.. When my last cats died a few years ago -- they lived to be 17 & 19 which is a long life even for an indoor cat, I just grieved and grieved...

Have you even heard of "Petloss.com" and the Rainbow Bridge???Sorry if this has been addressed in previous posts, but it is the most beautiful web site... Of course you will cry and cry your eyes out !! but I think it's good for us. They have a wonderful message board. I was really glad to have found it.. They even have a little ceremony every Monday night.. I'm confidant in writing this  here.. I probably wouldn't elsewhere..But please check it out . Think if you even google "Rainbow Bridge" you will find it.. I get teary even now thinking of it..

Be good to yourself, and I'm truly sorry,
Sandy

by crecco, Apr 29, 2008 06:33PM
   Thank you all. I will check out the sites you listed above but probably not yet this evening. I wanted to tell you about the
e-card I recieved. It was a pet loss sympathy card and was absolutely beautiful. Sent "Especially to Me"  In Memory of Sierra.
It had a puppy and a rainbow on the front and a beautiful message inside. But the best part of it was the music that played with it. It made those great big crocodile tears just roll down my face. I forget the site now, but i will go back and see what it is in case any of you want it. Thanks for sharing my loss, it means more than you know.
   Love you all, Chris

by kimmywah, Apr 29, 2008 06:50PM
Hi Chris,

My deepest sympathy for the loss of your darling Sierra.  I thought my heart would break when we lost our ridgeback 'Kahn'.  There is something special about a relationship with a dog.  I guess it is that absolute unconditional love that never seems to waver, that trust and that knowing that their eyes tell you every day.


The Rainbow Bridge story
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Peace and love....Kim

by cirella, Apr 29, 2008 06:54PM
Oh Chris!  I'm just now reading this.  I'm so sorry that you've lost your little baby.  Our pets are never just animals.  They are in our lives.  I talk to my dog and cat so much that if I lost one or the other I'd probably not have anyone to talk to!  And the cat answers me!  So, please...no regrets for crying.  

Hugs to you and CoCo (who probably misses her, too)
Lori

by JC145, Apr 29, 2008 08:24PM
I am so very, very sorry for the lost of your friend and pet, Sierra.  Sometimes, I think pets are better friends than humans.  I understand your loss and am glad you shared it with this forum.  We need to humanize this forum.  While we are about cancer, we are about other things as well.  Thanks for sharing and may peace be with you.

Judy C

by gah_70, Apr 29, 2008 08:38PM
Dear Chris,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I agree with the sentiments all these ladies have said.  A pet is so much more than just that!  It makes me remember all the pets I've had, and miss them terribly.  Life would be so much more boring without a pet to help us get through the good and bad parts.  I don't currently have a pet, but miss that interaction so much.   I hope you find peace and know we are all sending love and sympathy your way.  

Gail

by Mary 53, Apr 29, 2008 09:01PM
Oh Chris,

I just sent you a message. I cried just now when I read your last line. It may sound like I am making this up...but, I just went to the kitchen where both girls are snuggling...Maya on her bed and Maddie in her "Spot" next to Maya...and, I just said, "How are my Baby Girls?...Does your Momma love you?" (That would be a YES!!!)

Maddie will be along in a second to nudge my elbow while I am typing so she can get another snuggle from me.

You know your baby will always be with you, but then, I don't have to tell you that...


Love, Mary

by Jan214, Apr 29, 2008 09:29PM
I somehow managed not to cry reading all of these posts until I came to the rainbow bridge and that one always gets me.  I hope Chris, that you are picturing Sierra follicking with other dogs, healthy and happy and waiting for the day when her little ears will perk up at the sound of your footsteps. She has plenty of good company so she can wait a LONG time and be okay.

by marie3B, Apr 29, 2008 10:00PM
Kim, Thanks for posting the Rainbow Bridge story. That was so touching! Good night to all. I am going to bed to dream of pets waiting by the bridge. Marie

by gma718, Apr 29, 2008 10:29PM
Chris _ I am so sorry for your loss....I remember my first dog..her name was BamBam after the flintstones..even though she was a girl i still named her BamBam!!! I was 5 when I got her and had her till I was 20..she was a black poodle...she had to be put to sleep...I was devasted...sick....she was like my best friend...Its funny because I had to convince my husband to get our dog since he never grew up wirh a dog but I wanted my girls to have one...And now my husband is the one who adores him..but he will never admit it! My dog is 5 and his name is Cosmo...his pic is on my profile..he is a good dog...hyper but so affectionate....Remember all the good times you spent with Sierra...and treasure the wonderful memories...Gia :)

by puddles66, Apr 30, 2008 12:15AM
Chris,
I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful dog Sierra.One can only feel deep heartfelt sadness and wish you the comfort that only time will bring you.I miss all my  'babies" that I have had to put down or have had the miss fortune of loseing some to accidents,that first week I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep,because at least then it didn't hurt!!! I would wake up in tears and walk around the house just balling!!! It is so hard please let yourself gieve,there is NOTHING I would not do for my animals,God Bless and rest assured Sierra is always around you in spirit,I still feel Jorden around me from time to time.

by Mid, Apr 30, 2008 02:24AM

I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of Sierra, you and your family are in my thoughts.


Take care
Hugs
Mid


by lvfrogs, Apr 30, 2008 04:59AM
Hello Chris,
Dogs are exactly like family to most people! I am so sorry to hear about losing Sierra and sending you hugs and prayers.
Colleen

by Laney8463, Apr 30, 2008 07:27PM
Oh Chris...
Im so sorry for the loss of a best friend. That is how I think of pets. They are members of our family, just because they have four legs instead of two, doesn't make them any less "human" I have pets that I am so very attached to, and know when the day comes I will be devastated. Heck, I could probably live without some of the actual people in my life a lot easier than I could live without my little four legged friends.
I hope you can find comfort in your memories of Sierra. She is always with you.
Hugs,
Laney

by Knotmeg, May 01, 2008 01:33PM
Chris,
I'm so sorry to hear the news about your dog!  We have a 9 yr old Boston Terrier, Thirstin Howl, and I truly feel like I've born him from my own womb.  He is my furbaby... and I know SO MUCH how close we are to our pets.

I am so sorry.... she was so lucky to have such a loving, thoughtful, and attentive human in her life.  You have to believe that the years you had together.... all the good times... that she was a HAPPY dog... and that she's not your little angel.

I'm so sorry...

All my thoughts,
Meg

by bohan54, Jun 12, 2008 05:33PM
Dear Chris,
Thanks for your insights and empathy.  We have Sparky, poodle terrier male 10 years old last January.  My husband has always chastised me for lovin that li'l dog toooo much.  I ask you, how can you not?  We got him for my son but Spark has always been my baby.  We have a lady that comes to my home to groom him and she even said he's irreplaceable.  I know he will be a great comfort to me during my recovery.  
Stay strong and be well,
Sharon