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Our love Our loss #2

Jan 19, 2014 - 42 comments

It all began yesterday Jan 18,2014
..... I was laying in bed and had to pee so I went potty. When I went I had what felt like an air pocket or a clot as u may feel if having your period. So I went to rest room and nothing there. After I peed I still felt what I describe as the air pocket there tinkled a lil more and still nothing. So I went n got in bed DH was feeling a lil lovey dovey so we thought we were about to be intimate. I told him babe I feel like something is down there........ He opened my legs and "sploosh" out comes a big gush of water. He said " what was that" I said "Babe I think my water just broke" so I sprang from the bed when I stood up the water kept coming like I couldn't control it. I called my ob's office and he told me come to hospital he was dr on call..... So we get there maybe between 2:30-3p.m. Did ultrasound baby had heartbeat still of 145-150 but no fluid in sac :-(. Ran a strip to be sure it was amniotic fluid and not just pee it wasn't. So dr says you can go home or stay here. Since baby still had heartbeat at this moment, he was not going to pray God and that miracles do happen and it could seal over and fluid refill.  So we came home on bed rest he told me I may or may not lose baby but at that moment he could not say 100% how it would go pretty much 50-50....

Jan 19th 2014
..... It was almost 24hrs. I felt I had to pee went to restroom. Again I felt the same feeling like a air pocket. I wiped myself nothing there. I started to get up from toilet but felt again like something was trying to come out. I sat back down tinkled a few drops and wiped nothing........ When I went to wipe a 3rd time I hit something that felt kind of rubbery hanging out of my vagina!!!!!!! (Super scared)  I. All for my hubby he said "what is it babe, are you hurting" I said " NO, I'm scared...... I just felt something hanging out that felt kind of hard but rubbery" I said " Ty I think it's the baby". He said ok we started getting dressed. I called my Ob on the way luckily he was the weekend on call dr he told us come right away. We get to the hospital and they take me to ER right away..... Nurses prep me and when they came in to look baby was breech and was out to the knee. (Crying)!!!!!!!!! He says ok baby is breech and out past cervix I'm going to go get Dr. Dr comes and wishing 10-15 min baby was out... (Crying harder) my hubby saw his/her legs and feet and he  Rome down yet standing there holding my hand comforting me..... God I love him, he's great. But my placenta did not come out. Dr's cut umbilical cord and clamped to stop and potential bleeding. Was trying to see if it would pass on its own as baby did. Abound 6 p.m. it still had not passed to they had to prep me for surgery for a D&C. Oh before we left ER, RN did ask if we wanted to see the baby. I did not because he/she wasn't fully developed and I did not want that permanent image of my baby that way in my head. He explained that. Any looks way different on u/s that in actual life.  So they take me to the OR and I prepped for surgery, after that all I remember us being rolled back to my room and there awaiting me was my Amazing hubby, and my great siblings and our adopted mom. Still no pain so Glory be to God for that. They prescribed me Codeine for pain and another med to help with the bleeding..... So right now I'm home in bed resting!!!!! I wish you all were here with me right now...... My family support is great but it's not like ppl that know what you are experiencing because they have been there or close to it!!!!!! I thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. And I am still believing God that one day he will bless us to bring home Our baby boy/girl........ I love you all and thank you again for everything!!!!!! Hugs

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2066718 tn?1431147169
by TTC2006, Jan 19, 2014
Oh Kee, I'm so, so sorry. :(    My heart is breaking for you right now.  Sending you big hugs.

4769306 tn?1508450205
by KeeLolo, Jan 19, 2014
Sorry for typos.

Within 10-15min
He broke down yet standing there holding my hand
Baby looks way different
Is being rolled back to my room


4769306 tn?1508450205
by KeeLolo, Jan 19, 2014
Thanks TTC2006, I take all the hugs I can get.....

2066718 tn?1431147169
by TTC2006, Jan 19, 2014
I'm sending you lots, both hugs and peace.  I wish that the outcome was different for you. Keeping you in my thoughts!

1816154 tn?1463433618
by hansen20, Jan 20, 2014
I'm so very sorry hun :'(. My prayers are with you and you hubby... I hope you take one day at a time to heal hun. Sending you lots of hugs sweetie.

195469 tn?1388326488
by Heather3418, Jan 20, 2014
I cry for your loss that I prayed so hard for.  Oh Kee, oh Kee.  You have withstood more than any woman should ever have to bear.  My heart aches for your loss.  This little one was not only loved by his parents, but by so many other's that you don't even know.  Little one, your life was not in vain.  You have touched the lives of so many and for that, you will never be forgotten.  All the love I have in heart, is with you and your family at this horrible loss.  May God give you strength to somehow get through this tragic journey.

4769306 tn?1508450205
by KeeLolo, Jan 20, 2014
Thank you so much ladies for really caring...... It means a lot!!!! Taking it one day at a time for sure. May go back to work Thurs, or maybe not until Monday.

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Jan 20, 2014
I wish we could of helped you through such a tragic event too but I am so glad you had your husband and family there by your side to help get you through. I cannot even find the words right now to express how sorry I am for you to have had to gone thru something like this. I know how upset I feel over this and can't imagine how you must be feeling. Make sure to take that one medication. It will help the uterus contract and get the blood out. I had to take it too. Please know I'm here for you if you need to talk. Praying for healing physically and emotionally, strength to get you thru this difficult time and peace for you and your husband. Big hugs sent your way too.

1535793 tn?1436182575
by desderius, Jan 20, 2014
Kalunga Kandje (My God in my language), Dearest Dearest oooh Kee Dearest, i dont know what to say or where to start, but i really thought u where out of the danger zone and surely your little one was about to come home safe and sound...what a strong woman u re dear Kee, im so sooooo sooooo sorry, i dnt know what to think but i cant be angry at God and im glad neither are you. OOOoooh Kee, God, ooohhh dearest, u are such a wonderful person, i saw how u stood by Renae and really prayed that she conceive, i mean i have so many questions which i cannot ask you until u recover totally. i prayed to God that the ladies carry their babies to full term, but please receive peace in the name of Jesus Christ, may he comfort u in this time of loss, may Father God Release a thousand angels to come hold u tight and help you increase your faith. OOOoooh God of Heavens Armys, please be with her bcoz i know i cant be with her, console her and fill her heart with hope once more.

1217293 tn?1467357944
by Risa615, Jan 20, 2014
Sending you prayers and hugs! Such a scary time and such a sad time. I am so sorry for your loss.

1272624 tn?1395437957
by plumber43, Jan 20, 2014
Dearest Kee,
     My heart breaks for you! I am so so sorry for your loss. I too wish I could be there with you. I'm sending hugs to you my sister! I pray your heart heals fast and that your wish be granted!
Love hugs and kisses,
Melanie

613872 tn?1500902160
by Llindar, Jan 20, 2014
I'm crying with you and for your loss.... I'm so sorry for You Kee and your amazing Husband! It's terrible you have to go - through this.... and I admire you - you are such a strong person! I wish I was there with you physically as well to make you feel  better to give you real hugs.... Please don't go back to work too soon, take your time, let your body and soul heal.
I'm here for you any time.
Love, xoxo
L.

365429 tn?1390256909
by sam75, Jan 20, 2014
so so sorry to hear of your loss.... im sending prayers to you and your family. heartbreaking. xox

1907191 tn?1468104574
by cheekyhalfs, Jan 20, 2014
I hope you dont mind we writing, I don't know you but saw your name through my friends newsfeed, and wanted to send all my thoughts and prayers to you and your DH, what a truly awful and heart breaking time for you both. I'm so so sorry for your loss :( I had the biggest tears reading your journal. With warmest regards and well wishes, cheeky.

1867640 tn?1406186590
by Jewels63, Jan 20, 2014
I am so so sorry to hear this, sending big hugs x

Avatar universal
by ROSYouralright, Jan 20, 2014
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

1580318 tn?1492443745
by Shannon79, Jan 20, 2014
Oh Kee I don't even have words right now. I'm crying so hard reading this. My heart is broken for you. Please please know that you and your amazing DH are in my prayers. Sending you love and hugs to get you through this difficult time. I really wish we didn't have to be reading this :'(

790669 tn?1465192699
by Des_a_rae, Jan 20, 2014
Kee, bless your heart.  My heart is crying for you both.  I can't imagine and I've prayed with each pregnancy that I see announced that none of my friends ever have to go through this either.  I hope you're taking it easy and I pray in time you'll both find strength and peace.  I'm so very sorry.  Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

4769306 tn?1508450205
by KeeLolo, Jan 20, 2014
I just want to say thank you again to everyone. U all are great and such a support. I'm glad to have met you all. And even the ones that I don't know that have seen my post/journal on a mutual friends page, thank you for your condolences.

1742167 tn?1436475320
by heather727, Jan 20, 2014
We aren't official 'friends' on here but I saw your journal in my fee. I hope you don't mind my intrusion. My heart truly goes out to you in your time of loss. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm praying that you heal both physically and emotionally soon. Take care!

961574 tn?1505958942
by mhv, Jan 20, 2014
Of keelo.  I am beyond words.  I am so sorry for your loss and cannot even imagine what you are going through.  Please know you are being thought of and prayed for.  (((hugs)))

2093372 tn?1473261554
by aiyanas_momma, Jan 20, 2014
O kee  I am so so sorry for your loss. I pray GOD gives you peace and I know one day he will bless you with a bundle of joy.

4548024 tn?1474842725
by renae176, Jan 20, 2014
Kee im beyond words, Im so sorry for your loss Reading this just brought me to tears, All i can say is im sorry, You have always been there for me and lll always be there for you HUGS darling, XOXO

2217782 tn?1394367572
by swabes, Jan 20, 2014
Saw your journal on my feed. I'm incredibly sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss. I'm so glad to the the overwhelming support you have here and hope that in some way it will bring you comfort. X

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Jan 20, 2014
Oh, I'm so sad for you and your husband.  I was so hoping all would be alright.  I am amazed at the faith you have, your strong spirit, and what is clearly a good heart.  From just reading your statuses and this journal, I can see you are an amazing woman and one of God's special people.  I pray for healing for both you and your husband and that you will some day so0n have your dream come true. I will pray for peace and comfort for you.  There are no words to really express the pain of this kind of loss and I hate that you are going through this.  Wishing you all of God's blessings including peace.  

3233386 tn?1447028295
by mandaszoo, Jan 20, 2014
I just saw your journal and am crying for the loss of your little one. No words can make your pain go but your DH sounds wonderful and I pray you will find strength in your love to get you through . My deepest sympathy

2020005 tn?1476662562
by KTowne, Jan 20, 2014
I'm so sorry Kee!!! My heart is broken for you and your dh, you are such a strong believer in faith and such a strong spirit, it's inspiring. I am going to pray for you and your family!!

6980633 tn?1387047234
by Ollie1224, Jan 20, 2014
I do not know you but I saw this trough a metual friend and I just wanted to say I am praying for you and your family! I am so sorry for your loss. Love hugs

1351078 tn?1416316746
by retta483, Jan 20, 2014
Oh Kee ,Im so heart broken for you :( I was praying for your Miracle . Im so sorry you have to go threw this again . stay strong keep your faith let God comfort you . praying for you and dh during this difficult time . xoxoxox

1591611 tn?1485975686
by Vency, Jan 20, 2014
Dear Kee,

I also saw your journal thru a mutual friend and it resonated with me so very much.  I went thru what you're going thru.  I lost a little angel at 16 weeks when my water broke.  I was in driving home and kept feeling a pressure and just thought I had to pee.  I stopped at a restaurant and there was a whoosh as I was about to exit the car.  Thinking I peed myself, I went to the restroom and cleaned up.  THe next day I had an OB appt and they did an ultra sound and we heard the HB 151. That was a Wednesday.  The following Monday, I had an appointment with the Peri and as soon as they put the ultrasound wand on my belly, they were like there's no amniotic fluid and there's no fetal activity.  I was so devasted, if my husband was not with me, I might have driven into a tree.  I actually was induced and gave birth.  Fortunately, the placenta came out on it's own.  I did want to see the baby and I did.  He was almost fully formed.  I even have pics and his footprints.  He will always be in my heart.

I write all this not to make you relive your experience, but to share that almost 2 years to the day I lost him I found out I was pregnant again.  I was so nervous thru the first 16 weeks, but I knew God promised me a take home baby and that pregnancy was the baby.  Today, I have a beautiful baby boy who will be 14 months tomorrow.  Sometimes we question God, and I think that's ok.  We just have to never loose faith.  It's hard, but you have got to keep praying.

You have a wonderful support both at home and here online.You'll be in my prayers that healing, both physical and emotional come to you.  God bless!


Vency


1396867 tn?1433524301
by hopeitworks, Jan 20, 2014
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I am so sorry to read of your loss

1383908 tn?1457405328
by Sheaby, Jan 20, 2014
Kee, I am so so so so so sorry to read this.  I don't have much access to a computer during the day anymore, so I am also just now seeing it.  My heart is absolutely breaking for you, and I truly admire your strength.  I cried as I read through your ordeal.  I will keep you, your DH, family, and angel baby in my thoughts and prayers.  You have 2 beautiful guardian angels watching over you forever now.  I truly believe there is a special place in heaven for the babies taken too soon - and your 2 are playing with my 3, and plenty of others!!  A loss, no matter at what stage, is devastating to everyone.  I hope that your heart can heal soon.  XOXO

1386765 tn?1451167937
by pb95, Jan 20, 2014
I am so sorry for your loss.  You are so lucky to have great people around you to help you through this hard time.  

1399033 tn?1449591379
by cnj76, Jan 21, 2014
God's reasoning for things are unknown when they happen. But he knows what he does is for a reason. I am so sorry you are having to go through something like this. Praying for comfort and peace for you and your family. You seem like a strong woman. I hope you get your miracle one day soon!

4769306 tn?1508450205
by KeeLolo, Jan 21, 2014
Thanks everyone for the continued support, thoughts and prayers!!!!!!! You all have been great. I think about our baby and then I cry.... I think about him/her again and I cry some more, but that's the human part of us all!! It hurts every min of the hour but God and time will heal that as well. I am an overcomer and I trust and believe God for my complete healing and for bringing us our blessing. I pray that God gives the Dr the wisdom and knowledge to find out whatever is going on In my body that I will be able to carry our baby to full term..... That God will heal & strengthen my uterus, cervix, ovaries, tubes, womb in itself everything that it takes to support our beautiful healthy baby and make sure that he/she makes it into this world healthy. To meet his/her loving awaiting mommy and daddy and great big family!!!!!

1639915 tn?1378932813
by jenjen08, Jan 21, 2014
Im so sorry to hear about your loss..... Im sending all my prayers and tons of hugs to you .......

1806181 tn?1385303256
by Blue28, Jan 21, 2014
Oh no I am so so sorry, totally devastated for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take time to grieve for your beautiful baby.

2100308 tn?1388500439
by Yrmacias, Jan 21, 2014
Prayers, love and hugs your way. You are so strong. Please take the time to morn the loss of your precious angel and know that you have a support group here if and when you need it.

6680083 tn?1419441503
by shantelxx, Feb 10, 2014
Sorry to hear the bad news hope you conceive soon again.

1571146 tn?1399913292
by Moma_Cher, Apr 11, 2014
wow you sure have been through a lot this year. I'm so sorry for your loss... how devastating. my heart goes out to you and your DH.

5575813 tn?1452484685
by Hollus, Jun 29, 2014
Oh Kee!! There are no words to express how sad I feel and how much I wish I could fix or change this outcome! I am so sorry to hear this sad, sad news! I am glad you have such a wonderful support system to get through this. You seem like such a strong lady. I would be so depressed and angry in your position! I will pray for peace and love in this time of intense grieving! I will also continue to pray for SSBD and BFP and a healthy, peaceful pregnancy! Sending hugs and lots of love your way!

Avatar universal
by JeshuaZenith, May 13, 2015
God is a able

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