Three meals a day, and six weeks to chunk her up, or the dr wants me to supplement with formula. I'm not really stressing over it, but I am going to keep an eye on what she weighs/eats to make sure she's getting enough.

Weight Tracker

I wrote an e-mail to DH today, I just sent it...he seems to get embarrassed, frustrated, and distracted when we talk, so I sent him this because I said I would e-mail him and explain why I felt the way I did. Plus I was afraid I'd end up starting a fight saying some of the things I said. If anyone reads this and decides to reply...any advice is welcome. I have talked to DH multiple times about this issue, so this isn't the first time he's heard about it, and it usually is face to face. To sum up our conversations, I want to get a small vibrator to use during sex so I can orgasm. I've never had one with him in the 2+ years we've been together, and in previous relationships only one position made me orgasm. It's extremely difficult and takes a very long time if I do the position (me on top with DH in on a chair so my feet are on the floor) we haven't done it yet, but that is THE ONLY position that has ever worked. I have to have clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration to orgasm, and again it takes a very long time, and is extremely difficult to get right, even when by myself.


I told you last night I didn't want to talk about why I was feeling the way I was because you had ended our earlier conversation...I also said that I was going to e-mail you today, because I still feel like I can get you to open up more and talk more in writing than I can face to face. Anyways, back to my original topic...I really wanted to talk to you more about sex last night, because even though we talked for a little while, I didn't feel like anything came of the conversation other than issues being known. So I can explain why I felt disappointed, confused, and irritated I'll tell you one at a time.
Irritated~~~I was irritated last night because yet again, we got nowhere with our conversation and you became more interested in the tv, and we kept going off subject. Me not getting the most out of sex is an issue to me, and I want you to at least look concerned instead of looking at me like I'm an idiot and telling me "i feel bad cause I can't please you". My issues have NOTHING to do with YOU. STOP feeling bad for yourself and help me.
Confused~~After talking to you last night, I was confused with your feelings about me not having an orgasm during sex. You talk like you care, but you don't at the same time. You talk about all these different positions and things we can do but you never want to do any of them.
Disappointed~~The disappointment isn't just disappointment, it's hurt, and disgust. Last night I asked you straight out "if you can do all these positions, or this, or that then why don't you" and you said because you're too lazy. And I'm not going to hold my tongue in this e-mail like I did last night, and if it makes you mad it's your own fault for saying the things you said and making me feel this way, but here it goes...when you told me the only reason you didn't do any other positions or anything was because you're lazy...I honestly wanted to punch you in the nuts. You not wanting to help me orgasm because you're too lazy? Basically that sounded like "well, I don't care if you orgasm as long as I do..." You not wanting to try things that help me...to me that's just plain SELFISH. I feel almost like I could buy you a doll or a pocket ***** and you'd be just as happy as if you were having sex with me. It feels like you wouldn't care if I laid on the bed, spread my legs and let you go at it. When you said it's cause you're lazy, it almost made me feel like taking a shower with scalding hot water because I almost felt dirty and used, like I should be getting paid. You're my husband, you're supposed to want to pleasure me...and not doing it because you're lazy? I don't get it. You can't tell me you feel bad and then say you're too lazy two minutes later, it's two totally different reasons, granted they're reasons for different things but the end result for the two is still the same. I tell you I want to get some kind of toy to help me out, and you feel bad cause it's not 100% you that's doing it for me...BUT then I tell you lets try new positions and you're reasoning for not wanting to is because you're too lazy. Are you catching the similarities? YOU, YOU, YOU. YOU feel bad, YOU are too lazy...YOU have an orgasm, I don't...do you really honestly care that I don't? I know it's wrong to ask that because I know you do...but the way you talk, doesn't sound like you care. I mean, what do you want me to think? I'm sorry I'm not like every other girl you've been with that's had such a great sexual experience with you, but did you ever stop to think (not to make you feel bad) that NOT every one of them orgasmed? I'm not a faker, and if none of them faked it...good for them for being able to have an orgasm during sex, they're lucky, and good for you for being able to give them one...BUT I CAN'T. I've had sex enough to know by now what does and does not work. I told you the only way I've ever orgasmed with a guy, but do you really want to do the same position forever so I can have one? Or do you want to try new things and see if it makes it better. It shouldn't matter that we have to use a little extra help so I can, it should just matter that I DO. Here's some proof that I'm not the only one in the world...

http://www.tiscali.co.uk/lifestyle/healthfitness/health_advice/netdoctor/archive/000314.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sex_and_sexual_health/probs_difficultyorgasm.shtml
This one shows percents, and in the top paragraph explains physical issues.

I don't have sex with you just so I can have an orgasm, I haven't had one yet and it doesn't stop me from doing it. I don't want you to think that's all I want from sex, it's not. Sex isn't just about the physical aspects to me, it's emotional and mental, and it makes me feel closer to you, and to show my love for you. BUT I would like to enjoy sex a little more than I already do, and go the whole way. I think it would make our sex life better, especially if you knew I was enjoying it to the fullest. You may want to more often, and it may be more satisfying to you to know I finished. It would also make more positions enjoyable for me as much as they are you, like when you're behind me. It's not just for me that I want to do something to help, it's for you too. I know you feel bad knowing I don't orgasm, but it's NOT YOUR FAULT.