Having an anxiety attack today, this one seems to have been brought on by guilt (self-imposed). I'm making plans to meet a friend for lunch in a couple of days and my husband asked if he could go too. I told him I'd prefer some time alone with my friend. He completely understood and was supportive but ever since then I can't get my anxiety under control. It's so weird. I feel guilty for wanting to do something without him, but he's not the one making me feel that way, I am. Another racing thought/worry I'm having right now is that I will not be able to take time for myself. I don't really get any days just to myself where I can do whatever I want, because my husband and I always do things together. I was hoping I would get more time when he went back to school but that didn't happen because he goes to school while I'm at work. even called in several days just so I could have some time to myself. I am panicking, thinking that I am being suffocated or that I can't have any of my own time, but I'm the only one making me feel this way. It's like I'm afraid to tell him I need time because I feel guilty about it!

I'm feeling really down today and it could be for a lot of reasons. I went out drinking a couple of nights ago and missed a bunch of sleep, which caused me to have a lazy day yesterday. So yesterday I did several things trying to "relax and recover" which are behaviors for me typically associated with depression. Increased caffeine and sugar, not wanting to get up off the couch, more TV, slacking at work, not keeping track of calories, no energy and no interest in doing anything but sleeping. Oh, and I forgot my medication for 2 days in a row.

Today I woke up feeling really sad, just wanting to cry about everything for no reason. I didn't want to get up, just wanted to go back to sleep. I'm feeling better after trying, though. I got up and cleaned up and did a bunch of chores to stay busy, ate some breakfast, and opened all the windows. I put on some music and got cleaned up (because I work from home I spend most of the day in my pajamas anyway but sometimes getting dressed like I'm going to the office can help to change my mood).

I'm a little scared because I need to taper off my medication in order to get pregnant, but I'm not sure how I'm going to feel without it. I don't want to start feeling horrible again. I need to remember that my depression is manageable if I am careful, and I get enough sleep and exercise, and if I continue my healthy eating habits. I am feeling better already after just a little bit of effort to make some changes this morning.