When at the end of the road Journals
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Learn from yesterday,Live for today,Hope for tomorrow.

Aug 14, 2009 - 3 comments








Not Original, I collection of succesful living advice
   An Angle says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain.Even if it does happen, you have worried twice.
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start your day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate task to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more ( Although one is often not enough, two are often too many )
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get places.
9.Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
12. K.M.S. ( keep mouth shut ) This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
13. Get enough rest.
14. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
15. Every night before bed write in your gratitude journal what your grateful for.

      I find the more I look at myself and keep myself in check the less likely I am to get into other's business.
My husband and I have our grandson Kendal this weekend, we took him to eat crablegs at the local seafood resturant,apon leaving while we stood at the door ( raining outside ) a man and young woman come across the parking lot,as they approached I become aware the girl has special needs ( downs ) she came up to me wrapped both arms around me ( I returned the gesture) and gave me lots of love, she then reached beyond me and loved my grandson, he never flinched a muscle,he gest went with it.Most 12 year old boys would have been horrified by such an act...not him, that boy has been raised right and I could not be any more proud of him. The young man has great character.
Of all the blessings I recieved today, this is one so special I had to share it with others. I felt so honored to be a part of something so Pure in nature.

May you all find your special blessing today,Write them down so on the days you really need to be reminded that there is a methoud to all this madness...you will have something to reflect on.    Til The Whole World Hears    Debra

Brother's attempted suicide

Apr 19, 2009 - 2 comments






Confirmed his using crack cocain again.
Addiction is a symptom of his most serious mental illness.
Major personality disorder ie; bp-bpd-major depression-delusional thoughts suicidal tendancy.
Well this afternoon he attempted sucide for the third time in 3 years.I don't know how much more my family can take, sometimes as much as I love him I sometimes whish he would be successful to put a end to his misery.
I know that sounds horrible but for over 15 years he has struggled with crack and violent behavior
Everytime he comes out of the mental hospital,it's good for about 30 days,but there has never been followthrough until this last time, he was actually going to meetings working the steps having a sponsor and really pro active about his recovery and then Bam off he goes
He totally turns into another person, his hygine is the first to go,sleeping all day, going off his meds.
Then Rage rears it's ugly head,and last is any and all self respect.Lying, begging for money, and  headed for the hood.( he is only allowed so much money each month )He will steal anything not nailed down and go pawn it, onced he stold my sister's second car, took it to the hood where he rented it out by the hour to buy dope.ON & ON & ON

Thanks for listening to my ranting,The EMS and two sheriff's picked him up today around 4:00 Who knows what comes next. Oh and as he was leaning he told my 72 year old mother that we could all kiss his a**.
Everytime I have seen a change in his behavior I always try to talk to him before he gets too gone, for 15 years I have bailed him out,paid his bills,trips to the hospital, bought him food, cleaned his house will he was in the hospital BUT NOT THIS TIME.
Daddy was a self made man, he never had anyone to help him and he made a good life for his family but he always said that if you lay down with the dogs you're going to get flees.
If Chris could get his hands on all his money he would kill himself with the dope.

I don't know anything else to do but Pray and Pray I Will.
He is such a tourted soul that only God Could And Would Help Him If Sought.
I'm tired sooo tired.....Debra

Brother relasped

Apr 17, 2009 - 0 comments






As some of you remember my brother left for south fla on thankgining day and was in a treatment facility fir 30 days.
Well last month we had some suspiction that he was using again, questionable behavior,dropped his meetings, missing money. You know the drill.
Well he has all but displayed every behavior he has that says I'M USING.
Last night the dope man delivered to the driveway.
Powerless, angry sad, afraid for family living on the property
Half a million spread in Johnston Co.
Now I shall pray Please pray that this slip will be short lived..and that he will live through it.
Most of his using is done in the hood...They love to see him comming.

Addiction Recovery Tracker

When at the end of the road

Jan 21, 2009 - 4 comments

   When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a human being. either with or without drugs we all face the same dilemma. What is there left to do? ?There seems to be this alternative : either go on as best we can to the bitter end-jails, institutions or death- or find a new way to live. In years gone by few addicts ever had this last choice. For those addicted today are more fortunate. For the first in man's entire history, a simple way has been proving itself in the lives of many addicts. It's available to us all. This is a simple spiritual program known as NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.....World Service Office.       That no addict seeking recovery need ever die of this disease...( third step prayer )  God take my will and my life ...guide me in my recovery,  show me how to live. 24 years ago today I stumbled into NA little did I know that it would change my life..one day at a time.When I go there today I can look around the roon and I will always find a woman that reminds me of me.Sceared beaten down way too skinny to be healthy,hollow eyes. It still brings tears to my eyes.I always give out my phone number and I always tell her THIS WILL WORK FOR YOU>>>>> The direction my life was going   was to the depths of hell.  To tell the hole truth I have to tell the part about ...outside help.  Not only was I an addict I was a survivor of Sexual Abuse   So I found it necessary to go outside the rooms for proff. help. That began another journey, that lasted several years   Into the present with a d of Bi-Polar rapid cycler With bpd tendancys I've been on this path for 7 years  I would not trade my recovery with anyone I know. I've worked hard to have the life I have. I am so wonderfully loved by my husband ( he has 22 years ) I have a beautiful daughter  and three of the most beautiful grandchildren. My father passed 11 years ago, I am a daddy's girl.so I miss him often. Mother is healthy and very giving.And my husband's family are to die for WONDERFUL PEOPLE  None of this would be possible if I had not walked through the doors of NA 24 years ago......Blessed Be    and thank you for all you do  If I had wrote down what I expected from recovery...I surely would have sold myself short