Hi Hope, good to hear from you. Sorry to hear you havent beaten the meds yet, but hopefully with hubbys' support things will go better. A new strategy is cause for hope...all the best and heaps of courage to you, Kev.
Oh its bad, isn't it. I am still wondering how to keep this monkey off my back. Day three. My husband is really surprising me with his support. I still haven't told him that the meds are why I had those episodes. I don't think I ever will. It won't help anything. I have a 16 yr old son, as well as my 5 and 2 yr old sons. My teenager no longer lives with us, he is going to school, a very good school, in SC at my mother's house. She helped raise him, since I was a teen myself when he came along. I am hanging in there. I really truly thought I was the only one tramadol caught in its evil snare. I only heard about Oxy's and Hydro's ...never knew one single person on tramadol. Thanks for your note!!
Hi, school is going good. I completed the STNA classes, and now I will be starting my pre-reqs for nursing. I love it! I feel really good about it. How are you doing?
Hi Hope, I was thinking about your 'bully at work' and our difficulty saying' no' today and I remembered something useful.. a few years ago I went on a training program for developing 'assertive' behaviour. It helped quite a bit, especially for dealing with agressive people etc AND saying 'no'. It was really very useful. Hope you're having a good day,all the best, Kev.
Hi Hope, how are you? I like your pic. Its neat to see what people look like! :)
Let me know how you are. I have been thinking of you. love,suzi
Hi Hope. My pc just wiped out the message I wrote you so in the meantime.... (((strawberries))).
Hope youre ok and well done for holding to your slow and steady taper. It must be a real patience tester doing a long taper I admire your tenacity. Talk soon, Kev.
Hi Hope, how are you? I have been thinking of you today. Please let me know how you are doing. O-k?
go to med help social- tagged your it!
Hello Hope. Thanks for your note recently. Yup, I am doing well. Busy busy busy at work but I am grateful to have a job in this economy. I admire you for tapering as you have from 20/day to where you are at now. As I recall, you have four days off beginning on the 28th, yes? Be healthy and stay happy. Fred
Hi Hope, good to hear from you , I missed you the last few days but a working mothers gotta do what a working mo.....as long as you dont work too hard! Im going to jump off here and send a message to you instead cos I know that pesky 800 word limit will get me otherwise.
(3) The point...I had always felt inferior,unworthy.Now I could see that most folks we'rent all that, if value judgements were to be applied! It was at this point that my depression really lifted and things became permanently better for me. I felt it was ok to be myself, for the first time in my life. I wasnt unhappy with myself anymore. I still had a problem though, low energy and a tendency to slip into depression feelings out of life long habit. Thats where breathing and visualisation exercises really helped out in a big way. There are many good books and other sources of info out there on this subject and I experimented a fair bit before settling on the best exercises for myself. The more powerful ones all seem to involve the chakras. PHEW!
(2) I think we are adapted to live in a very sick world. I cant watch the news cos it makes me cry(I got rid of my tv years ago). The stuff we humans do to each other tears me apart. Doctors have told me I am hyper-sensitive. I think not. I think humanity has become INsensitive. I dont want to watch someone suffer and feel nothing. I would no longer be human by my own standards. Am I caring too much?
To cut a long story short (er,lol) I also wanted to know WHAT I was as well as WHO I was. This led me to primate studies, esp chimps. Dicovering how similar we are gave me my first real sense of humility. Despite all our advantages, we humans still seem more interested in 'counting bananas' than anything else.
I'll come to the point....(if youre still awake!)
(1) Hi Hope, so much I want to say to you.I'd best put numbers on this time!
First some commonalities; I too am all or nothing, a people pleaser (as was my father) and also obsess for a couple
of days if I upset anybody. These behaviours COULD BE SAID to all feature 'caring too much'. How much care is too much is a matter of opinion of course, but for me they add up that way.
These are typical of the (many) behavioural issues that forced me to seek some understanding of myself.
First I learned to listen to myself, my thoughts and feelings. That took 2 years ( I was one messed up bunny!).
But the thoughts and feelings that I discovered led me to issues I had no idea about. Very little of this was pleasant for me. But I could feel that I was healing,slowly.
Hi Hope(), I also use pastry/dough making to clear stagnant energy and dissipate anger or resentment. Or gardening works too. Obviously you need to be at home and have some free time for these. (warning- your family could gain weight!)
I think the gardening works because exercise oxygenates the blood etc and raises energy levels. I'm sure there a lots of activities that work this way, I just happen to love gardening and pastry making.
I also use visualizations and breathing exercises. Some to feel settled/centred/grounded,others to raise my energy.
Whenever I've asked docs about the causes of depression the responses have been vague-low serotonin usually featuring somewhere. What have docs told you? I'd like to hear more about your own experience.... Hugs, Kev
Hpe, Sorry yesterday was a hard day on the planet for you. You he the right attitude though. Good on you for not increasing your dose like you would hve done in the past. Forcing yourself to taper before the big day will be mighty hepful in the long run. Fred
Read note below first.....
These arent in order due to the 800char limit.
Where was I....I found I was literally attracting vampires because of a COMPULSION to support others. We all have different patterns and have to discover them for ourselves of course. One trick I use for dealing with depression feelings in the moment is a set of sticks I keep in a drawer. Theres the 'poor me' stick, the 'Im not worthy' stick etc. eg if I catch myself indulging in self pity my rule is I have to hold the poor me stick until I give the feeling up or it passes. I've found theres more than one way a stick can keep me ' afloat ' !
Sorry to hear youre having a bad time ((Hope)). Hang in, we're all rooting for you.It WILL pass.Regards methods for helping with the MONSTER, mine had historical/familial roots so identifying patterns of behaviour and listening to my own thoughts and feelings to see how I was 'hooked' to the monster was key. I also studied the ways in which people exchange energy/attention, what the pay offs were and how in this context I was supported (or not) by those around me. Its a common feature of 'depessed' folks to wear themselves out supporting others, when really its themselves(us) who most need support. This feeds into patterns.
I also live in a small town, but our community college has a waiting list of 2 1/2-3 years. We also have a 2 yr. program thru our hospital, and I could start in the actual nursing program aug. of 2010. That would give me this year to get all my classes done that I need to do before nursing.The hospital school is smaller and I heard tougher, also more expensive. But I would graduate 1 1/2 years earlier.I need to get my nurse aid certifcate as well.That is a 3 wk program that I may take in Feb.
What do you think of working part time as an aid while in school??
I am happy you're doing well. Lack of energy has been one of the toughest things for me. I am so excited to start school! debated for so long because I felt I was too old.(43). But I am staying positive, and telling myself that age is just a #. Thanks, coz I am sure I will have more questions for you. Stay well..you are doing great!! suzi
I am gald to see you ae feeling better at at a lower dose. I also wanted to know how long you've been a nurse? I am so excited to start school. I know its tough but I am ready for the challenge. What exactly do u do? I hope u dont mind me asking.
Hi Hope, not working too hard I hope? I've had pc probs here last 2 days. Troubleshooting a pc thru Tram fog was no fun. The air turned blue ! The rattle WAS thrown from the pram!! And I did'nt like feeling seperated from my new friends here.
Things are fairly ok for me today. Nausea, no concentration but thats it (so far).(touches wood while glancing upwards!!)
I'm surprised to hear you havent talked about the MONSTER to anyone before. I'm here and listening. I have a lot to say about this but I'm nervous about it. I'm scared of sounding 'weird' I think. Depression has led me to discover some stuff about how we function that is WAY outside any usual theory. Also I'm eager not to offend your culture/religion. Another PC problem!
Big hugs, let me know how you're doing. Kev
Hi there Hope, I keep finding myself wanting to chat with you( at you lol ! :)
I think thats because of the MONSTER!
I dont exactly go out of my way to talk about it ordinarily, only to people who KNOW what it is AND are determined to fulfill their lives, knowing it isnt a monster you can hide from or run away from.
This brings me back to Tram again...it too would have me run and hide if it had its way!
WE DONT RUN
WE DONT HIDE
FIGHT ALL MONSTERS
SIDE BY SIDE!!!
Hi Hope,dropping by to say hope you're doing ok. I think that because of experience with depression your posts always evoke my empathy more than most...I remember having to fight while having no energy to fight with!!
I admire you for being a strong mother and holding down a career while fighting depression. And you still have positve energy to give others- even while fighting the Tram as well!!
I hope 2009 brings you release from this foul drug......you SO deserve it.
Hope, Thanks for your note of 12/30. My hard drive crashed and it took a couple of days to get back and running. I was "watching" all the posts from my "work computer" though. I need to try and stay out of all the debate about which way is the BEST way to stop. Like Emily says, there probably is no best way, but the point is that we are trying. Happy New Year. Fred
Hi Hope! I hope you have a wonderful NEW YEARS DAY!! This a new beginning, and I wish you the best. I ,personally have a great feeling about 2009! Hugs to you, suzi
Hug gratefully received Hope and big hugs back to you. Guess your prayer was answered as I'm anxiety free today! Memory has gone walkabouts tho......
I was reading your post, about how you got addicted. I am disgusted that docs give Tram to people with depression, we often have low social confidence etc and this makes us double easy victims: DONT BLAME YOURSELF!! It was a trap set for you by the Tram!! The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that Tram was invented by the devil himself!! Keep up the fight, all the very best, Kev
Thank you so much for yur kind sweet note Dear Hope. I am really happy that ypu feel Safe, because you are. It's really nice to have people to share the experience with so that we can live and love again.
I was so happy that your Christmas was lovely, mine was COLD. It's Arctic here for So Cal! But this is my first Christmas off pain meds in many years. So I am happy abot that!
Love and Healing, Emily
Hi Hope, thanks for the note and the positive encouragement.
Sorry to hear you've also had a long war with the 'Black Dog' depression.
I have'nt used medication for depression in many years now, I've managed to get and keep the upper hand through a mixture of homeopathic products, therapeautic activities and working on myself, sometimes with help from analysts and counsellors.
You are right , we are very brave. Depression can rob us of hope and to carry on without it, even for a short time is a severe test of our faith in life and ourselves. Well done to you for keeping your positive energy and thank you for sharing it.
Hope, No worries. :) I didn't feel put down by what you said, so please don't give it another thought, OK? I knew what I think you meant intially, that is to say, it is pretty darned great to have a forum like this at our finger tips where we can share and be fed both. But for myself, I am finding that beyond just getting "clear of this drug" it is helpful for me to attend a AA/NA group to work on things about myself that may help ensure that I don't pick tramadol back up again.
You and I also share something else in common that I have noticed...a fierce desire to not be misunderstood or to at least communicate in a way that effectively expresses how we feel. I am not so sure that this is either a good thing or a bad thing, it's just an observation - Fred
Hope, I am glad to hear that you plan to stick around to help others here. It's a huge job and Emily is just one (albeit super) person. When one sets aside the physician prescriptions of tramadol for the moment, the online sales alone makes clear that there will be more and more people like us, who are specifically looking for answers to their tramadol addiction.
I see this site as being the "first lifeline of chance" for people like us who are seeking answers. But I wouldn't discount the "group meetings" as a means of MAINTAINING sobriety either. In fact, I'll be "in my car" going to a meeting this evening. Fred
Hi Hope, I've been reading the posts,sounds like you're doing great. Setting an actual date for stepping off is'nt something I've thought about til now, but reading your post makes me want to set the day. Now I've started this detox I so want to get it over with!!
I'm choosing Feb 1st as the day( hope I'm patient enuogh to wait that long).
Thanks for the inspiration!
Hope, I wanted to tell you what an encouragement you have become in short order to others like me here. You have a plan and I always felt (like you do) that it isn't necessary to be perfect before we can start being an encouragement to others. (Naturally, I will NEVER be perfect and I suspect that can be said for any of us. I hope you had a good Christmas. Fred