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About Me: Female, CA, member since Jan 2012

My Grandfather died an alcoholic, my other Grandpa is an alcoholic, My mom is a recovering alcoholic and vic user, she is 11years clean/sober, so how the he!! did I get here? You would think with all this destruction in my family, I would have learned. I had a prescr ... [More] iption of Vicodin for 2 years (same bottle) my doctor prescribed it for back pain, a car accident in 97' (I have degenerative arthritis in my back, and slight scoliosis, along with tendonitis in my wrists), and still I never went through a bottle of 30 vics in 2 years. Until my Best Friend had surgery and was prescribed Percocet... I would go to his house to take care of him, and one night my back was killing me because I had cleaned his entire house, and been helping him around all day. He told me to take a percocet and relax. Well those made me feel pretty good, and soon enough we would take them together, drink, play cards, so it was a social thing. Although, when he ran out, he stopped taking them. I started taking my Vics. It wasn't an everyday thing but again, soon enough it was, then my brother was able to get them, so he bought them for me (my $)....then it was he and I taking them. I told him I needed to save $ so I stopped taking them. He and I went through it together and everything was fine. Then my doctor prescribed them to me again, after a wake boarding trip almost took out my knee. Before long my 30pill prescription went to 90 with my doctors warnings of course... before I knew it, I was buying them from the street 3 different ppl who knew nothing of each othere, along with filling my monthly 90. I would also lie to my doctor saying everything I could think of to tell her I needed more ( I left the bottle out of town, my brother stole them, They were stolen out of my car, they fell in the sink, and were damaged so I flushed them) knowing dang well I would never let those puppies out of my sight, In actuality I just took them all. I also stole from friends/families medicine cabinets..... I would meet with a friend of a friend (stranger) and drive him to his hook up, just so he could get me more.... I'm an idiot. At the end I was taking 20+ per day of whatever I had. The only strong decision I made at that point was when he offered me oxycontin or morphine because he couldn't get Vics, I said no. I lied to my family, my friends, my husband, everyone who cares for me. The pharmacy messed up and filled my prescription twice in a month, yea for me.....Until they realized it and I got an email from my doctor saying she was done prescribing them to me. At this point, I knew I needed to be done. I emailed her back asking for help. She is not the most compassionate dr. which I originally liked becaue she is VERY straight forward. She referred me to the chemical dependency program. I called and talked to a psych, made an appt., took myself to the ER on Day 1 because I thought I would die. They prescribed Clonidine. I never went to that appt. but not because I relapsed, but because I'm choosing to do this alone. I realize with all of you, I am not alone. I've never made it pass Day 5, before now. No longer taking anything (no Immodium, no Clonidine, just an occasional motrin, and multivitamins).... I still drink occasionally but that was never my issue, I might drink once/month with friends. I can't tell my husband for fear he will be hurt. His exwife was a meth/ecstacy addict and ruined his world for awhile. I don't want him to suffer more than he has. I am ashamed, but the bigger reason I don't share it is I don't want my family and friends to worry. I will do this. Now that i'm passed the physical withdrawal part, I know mentally I can do it. I'm stubborn, assertive, and very strong minded. I just tell myself that these cannot be part of my life anymore, and so far the cravings aren't bad, I haven't caved. Will I relapse? It's an obvious possiblity, but I will continue to pray, and continue to do my best with everyday I have. [Less]

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