"Thank you all for the support. I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but how could I be so ignorant to think I could use again.. Boggles my mind now. I'm at Day 3, and I believe because I wasn't taking much each day, my withdrawals aren'..."
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About Me: Female, CA, member since Jan 2012
My Grandfather died an alcoholic, my other Grandpa is an alcoholic, My mom is a recovering alcoholic and vic user, she is 11years clean/sober, so how the he!! did I get here? You would think with all this destruction in my family, I would have learned. I had a prescr
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iption of Vicodin for 2 years (same bottle) my doctor prescribed it for back pain, a car accident in 97' (I have degenerative arthritis in my back, and slight scoliosis, along with tendonitis in my wrists), and still I never went through a bottle of 30 vics in 2 years. Until my Best Friend had surgery and was prescribed Percocet... I would go to his house to take care of him, and one night my back was killing me because I had cleaned his entire house, and been helping him around all day. He told me to take a percocet and relax. Well those made me feel pretty good, and soon enough we would take them together, drink, play cards, so it was a social thing. Although, when he ran out, he stopped taking them. I started taking my Vics. It wasn't an everyday thing but again, soon enough it was, then my brother was able to get them, so he bought them for me (my $)....then it was he and I taking them. I told him I needed to save $ so I stopped taking them. He and I went through it together and everything was fine. Then my doctor prescribed them to me again, after a wake boarding trip almost took out my knee. Before long my 30pill prescription went to 90 with my doctors warnings of course... before I knew it, I was buying them from the street 3 different ppl who knew nothing of each othere, along with filling my monthly 90. I would also lie to my doctor saying everything I could think of to tell her I needed more ( I left the bottle out of town, my brother stole them, They were stolen out of my car, they fell in the sink, and were damaged so I flushed them) knowing dang well I would never let those puppies out of my sight, In actuality I just took them all. I also stole from friends/families medicine cabinets..... I would meet with a friend of a friend (stranger) and drive him to his hook up, just so he could get me more.... I'm an idiot. At the end I was taking 20+ per day of whatever I had. The only strong decision I made at that point was when he offered me oxycontin or morphine because he couldn't get Vics, I said no. I lied to my family, my friends, my husband, everyone who cares for me. The pharmacy messed up and filled my prescription twice in a month, yea for me.....Until they realized it and I got an email from my doctor saying she was done prescribing them to me. At this point, I knew I needed to be done. I emailed her back asking for help. She is not the most compassionate dr. which I originally liked becaue she is VERY straight forward. She referred me to the chemical dependency program. I called and talked to a psych, made an appt., took myself to the ER on Day 1 because I thought I would die. They prescribed Clonidine. I never went to that appt. but not because I relapsed, but because I'm choosing to do this alone. I realize with all of you, I am not alone. I've never made it pass Day 5, before now. No longer taking anything (no Immodium, no Clonidine, just an occasional motrin, and multivitamins).... I still drink occasionally but that was never my issue, I might drink once/month with friends. I can't tell my husband for fear he will be hurt. His exwife was a meth/ecstacy addict and ruined his world for awhile. I don't want him to suffer more than he has. I am ashamed, but the bigger reason I don't share it is I don't want my family and friends to worry. I will do this. Now that i'm passed the physical withdrawal part, I know mentally I can do it. I'm stubborn, assertive, and very strong minded. I just tell myself that these cannot be part of my life anymore, and so far the cravings aren't bad, I haven't caved. Will I relapse? It's an obvious possiblity, but I will continue to pray, and continue to do my best with everyday I have.
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Jul 24, 2012
"Well, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I was about 120 days clean, and my husband and I have not been getting along, and of course along came my friend. I can say he's a friend because yes I have gotten pills from him in the p..."
Apr 15, 2012
"Congrats! Keep up the good hard work. It's worth it. Day 80 today for me... Never thought I'd make it. "
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Addiction Tracker Stats
Addicted to:
Opiates, Hydrocodone, Painkillers, Vicodin
Clean Days:
3848
03/12
thanks so much it is more about my daughter she spilled boiling soup down her torso and got 3rd degree burns but she is okay
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