halloween 2008

after the migraines became a serious problem again... but while i was still managing to hold onto my regular life, just before i had to withdraw from school and put my life on hold again... i'd recently got out of the hospital, hence my sunken hospital-visit eyes (as my friends like to tease me) and a serious amount of weight loss (almost 25 pounds)... and i think i still had all the bruises on my arms from the IV...

multiple hospital visits make me become temporarily obsessed with hospital stuff right afterward as a coping mechanism. i think it's because that's what doctors would do when i was little to make it less scary... give me doctor stuff to play with... so right when i get out of the hospital all i want to do is play doctor dress up and listen to people's hearts and lungs with my stethoscope and look in people's ears and throats with pen lights, etc. etc. ... i fully understand that is probably entirely twisted... but it really does make whatever i just went through 100% less traumatic and in some way, it allows me to take back whatever power i lost when i was the one being poked and prodded by multiple strangers who were trying to make me feel better.

this time, it just so happened to be halloween... so, i seemed a whole lot less crazy. it was nice having an excuse to role-play some role-reversal in order to make myself feel less vulnerable and hopeless.