My 11 year old is currently being reassessed by the local health authority for his adhd. I have had problems with him since he was about 3 years old. Just over two years ago I took him to a leading private clinic and they conducted a thorough assessment on him and concluded that he does have adhd, but due to his high IQ is not experiencing problems in school as he is intelligent enough to cope for reasonable periods.
His behaviour at home is quite poor in spite of consistent parenting strategies. I also believe that he has oppositional defiant disorder as his main characteristic is arguing and tormenting us. My husband has lost his job through the stress of caring for him and we don't go out much as it causes too many problems.
I cannot afford to return to the private clinic for a follow up appointment, so my son is now under the care of CAMHS. The problem is that they only seem to be taking any notice of what his behaviour is like in school. When he first started school things were so bad that they had to get an educational psychologist in and a support worker to help him and give advice on how to handle him. We have had no such help. CAMHS are now saying that they will not medicate him due to the fact that he's coping at school no matter how bad things are at home.
I am so frustrated! Why is it that they are not recognising how difficult things are for us at home? He is only at school for a few hours a day and loves learning and his teachers.
We have had eight years of hell, so how are we going to cope when he gets to his teenage years? I don't believe in medicating children for no good reason, but we are struggling.
What should I do? Is it reasonable to expect my son to have the same behaviour at home as he does at school? I was told by the private clinic that when he gets home he 'lets it all go' due to all the effort of controlling himself at school.
The specialist nurse told me that current government guidelines only say that children with severe adhd should be medicated, but surely a child has adhd or not and the severity depends upon how well they're coping with their symptoms. I feel that we're being penalised for being decent parents and sending him to a decent school who are managing him okay, but nobody sees how bad things are at home.