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5 year old son with adhd

  I have a 5 yr old son w/ adhd.  I am a single mom and also have a 21/2 yr old girl.  I have been having some serious problems w/ my son and the way he treats his younger sister.  He hits, kicks and screams att her and tells her he hates her and often times she doesnt even do anything to provoke it but hes left bruises on her and i just dont no what to do.  He'll walk by her and hit or kick her for no reason!  Then when i ask him why he does this he tells me because he hates her.  I can see he's obviously jelous of her but it seems to go far beyond that.  Whenever i try to correct him then for his behavior, he then lashes out on me and starts hitting and kicking me.  He does the same thing to his grandmother when she steps in. In the beginning of when i started having problems w/my son and trying to deal w/ his adhd, my mother started keepng my daughter for me so that i could focus on getting my son straightened out because their fathers are not in the pic at all and never help.  So through all that my daughter more or less ended up living w/ her  cuz i it was 2 much for me 2 handle.  Now my son is upset because he wants 2 live w/ my mom.  Wich every day when im working thats who he stays w and he use to sleep over there alot 2 but when his behavior w/ his sister got outta hand we had to stop w/ the sleep overs and we explained to him that he can start doing it more again when his bahavior changes but its just not working.  I feel so bad because i feel like i did this and made a big mess of things by making bad choices.  He has said to me so many times that he doesnt understand why his sister gets to stay w/ nanny when she misbehaves that she never has 2 leave and had asked y i dint just give him to my my mom and kept his sister w/ me.  And it makes me feel horrible inside cuz i dont wanna feel like i gave any1  any1 away and i dont want him to feel less than or like hes not loved as much.  I tryd to explain to him why i did what i did at the time but hes just too young to understand and i just donnt no what to say to help.  Im so lost and confused please help.  I grew up feeling worthless and depressed throughout my whole life and as a teenager i turned to heroin and battled that for 6 yrs.  Then when i got pregnant w/ my son i got clean and have been ever since.  Hes my saviour.  I just never imagined that parenting would be this heartbreaking.  I dont want my son to grow up feeling the way i did and making those same mistakes.  Can u please give me some direction here because i have never felt so lost and i want to do whatever i can to make him feel loved.
1 Responses
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
  I feel for you, you have got to feel kind of helpless in this situation.  Its wonderful that your (?) mom has been there for you.
  Its kind of crazy to ask for more information - but all you have talked about (with good reason) is his outbursts against his sister and you.  These outbursts may have nothing to do with ADHD, but more with the situation he is in.  Or they may have a lot to do with ADHD.  Tough thing is that they kind of need to be handled differently depending on what is going on with him.
   First question is how long ago was he diagnosed with ADHD.  Is the doctor giving you any help with ideas on how to work with him?  What kind of a doctor is this?  pediatrician, psychiatrist, psychologist?  Did the doctor suggest medication and is he on any meds.
  Is your son is preschool or kindergarten?  What do they say about his actions?
  Does he have all the other symptoms of ADHD, or is it just the physical response?  Or, I guess, is the physical response the thing that bothers you the most?
   These are the basic questions.  I am trying to figure out if he really does have ADHD, or he is just responding like some 5 year olds do to his living situation.  Or does he have something else like Sensory Integration or is bipolar - both of which have very similar symptoms.
     For the time being.  My main suggestion is to really make sure that you know and understand ADHD.  I highly suggest that you buy the book (fairly cheap through Amazon),  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.   It will give you help in many, many ways.  One of the (many) things that it goes over is how to punish and/or change the child's behavior.  I do wonder how you and granny deal with his misbehavior.  Its hard to believe but many of the old standard punishments people used to use with their kids - actually don't work with ADHD kids and even make the situation worse!
  I know that I haven't been too much help here - well the book is really, really worth your effort to get - but I really need more info.
  
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