ADD and Lying

[Beeva]

I am just now realizing, and hopefully not too late, that my soon to be 20 year old daughter is in desperate need of help.  She has been a Compulsive Liar for as far back as I can remember.  I also assumed that she had ADD, definitly NOT ADHD, and since completing high school and attempting now her second year of college, I find that her symptoms are worsening.  I don't know where to start with her.  She refuses help, will not see a counselor, definitly will not back down when caught in a lie, and I can't seem to do a thing to help her.  What exactly is the corralation between ADD and Lying?  When I read articles, it always includes ADHD, and she has absolutly no symptoms of hyperactivity, in fact, she is quite the oppisite.  Any ideas?

[Sandman2]

The question is - is lying related to ADHD?  In a way, yes it is.  If you have a condition where people are always correcting you or telling you not to do that, then its not unusual to find a way to compensate for this continual verbal barrage.  Lying can be a form of self preservation.  If it gets you out of even a little bit of trouble (when you are always in trouble), then its worth it.  If a child has intelligence (and we know the typical ADHD child does), then this self-preservation skill comes almost naturally (through trial and error).  It is not something that is planned out.  By the time they are old enough to know better, it can be almost an ingrained habit.  Of course, if it really is being done as a form of self-preservation, then it is very hard to stop.

The cure is to understand ADHD.  Make sure your child and teachers also understand it and what it does.  There is a lot of good literature out there that helps.  This is not dealt with like a normal child who lies.

[imanaddict]

Also, I'm starting to wonder if lying is related to ADD somehow? My stepson has ADD and he lies about EVERYTHING. Someone posted a topic about this the other day, and I responded saying that lying has nothing to do with not being able to pay attention, but I think I am finding that could be wrong. Hmmmm...I may do some internet research and see if I can find that out.

By the way, is she on ADD medication??

[imanaddict]

Oh man, I was hoping that wasn't the case. Does she see that she has a problem with lying? Would she be open to counseling?

[Beeva]

Yes, it is to everyone.  Friends, family, boyfriend, etc.  I am finding that this is not uncommon.  I think she will eventually seek counseling.  Thanks for your input!

[imanaddict]

I have a friend who does that, lies over everything, especially the smaller, unimportant things, like how much money she makes at her job. I have yet to figure out why she does this, but I stopped letting her do it to me. I started calling her out on it (at least when I knew for a fact it was a lie) and a lot of other people do the same, but it doesn't stop her.

Does your daughter only lie to you? Or does she lie to everyone? If she only lies to you, she may be scared of your reactions to her actions for some reason. She may see you as judgmental and fear she isn't up to your standards. There may absolutely no reason for it, but for some reason she might feel that way. And then there is always the possibility that she is just that way (if she lies to everyone) and she can always seek counseling for it IF she wants to. Have a heart to heart with her, maybe over a mother daughter date or something and see what she says. Good luck!

[Beeva]

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I carefully just re-read your comment, and your first sentence made SO much sense!  Avoiding spending energy on a topic.  I'm going to sit back and pay attention to that.  I think that could be part of it.
Thanks again!