Hello, I suffer from anxiety and OCD and likely have ADHD. I believe I have ADHD as years ago when I was in primary school the teaches told my parents that I should go on medication to focus due to my disruptions in class and I was placed in a "special" class for a number of years.
My parents refused to put me on medication. I simply came accostomed to my way of thinking. Over the years I suffered from restless energy and did not focus very well. Now at 33 I suffered bouts of compusive behavior such as excessive gambling (everyday for years), smoking ciggareetes, poor eating habits (sometimes I forget to eat), over working at my job, (I would work-after hours and became obseesed with my work) and having impulse control issues where if I want something I need it now.
My OCD is a wierd one I have a fear of contracting HIV which turns my life up-side down. I do not put myself in any real risk as I am in a relationship but incidents such as a dentist visit where I was convinced the tools were not sterilized put my life and thoughts in a downward spiral. I got 8 HIV tests and was convinced I was infected. So for the 3 months were testing occured I was truly a walking zombie. I also used Valium to calm down. (I dont use any recreational drugs or any other medication)
The last incident involved acupunture where the thoughts came back and I went to an STD/HIV clinic to discuss the risk and then when I shook one of the staffs hands I was then convinced then that now I got it from him as he did not look healthy and I had a day old cut on my hand. I beat myslef up over the acupunture issue as I felt that was nothing to worry and why did I go to the clinic and shake hands with this person. Now when I use public restrooms the thoughts arise as well convinced now through these incidents I have been infected.
My rational mind knows that I am at no risk but I simply sometimes cannot control my thoughts,. These thoughts go away for a long periods of time. There were years between the dentist incident and the latest one so I thought I was fine with regards to my thoughts. Luckily with regards to gambling I did not lose any money (one of the lucky few) but my impulsive behavior and OCD thoughts need to be addressed as I worry when I get over this the next time I touch someone or encounter what I think is blood on money, etc I fear it will start over again. Any thoughts?
I plan on seeing a GP for possible ritalin for ADHD and hope that it will allow my to focus and control these re-occuring thoughts. With with these setbacks I have luckily Forest Gumped my way in life getting a degree and great job and relationship but I feel these thoughts and impulse behavior has a major effect on my productivity and my relationships. Your feedback will be most welcome.