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Do I have Asbergers and ADHD or am I just a Sociopath

When I was 4 years old, I was diagnosed with ODD and a high functioning autism also known as Aspergers. Growing up I didn’t have very many friends, and the ones I did have emotionally abused me in the relationship from 3rd grade all the way up to 6th grade. My father was very emotionally neglectful and never gave me his approval. When I was 9 years old, I had my first dream of killing someone, but I don’t remember the dream as a negative, I remember being more fascinated. Theses dream accrued now and again through the passing years. And it sometimes changed to me being the victim. I have been also diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety. I only really have one or two friends at a time because I have a very hard time trusting new people and are very suspicious of them at the beginning of a relationship. And somebody can only screw me over If I let them, by either trusting them or letting down my guard. Pitty the fool who decides to earn my trust and screw me, they will know what it feels like to hurt. If I don’t destroy them in that instant, I will keep my enemy close until I have everything I need to bring him all the way down to nothing. And ever since I was young I have been able to make anybody feel any emotion I want them to feel. I can go from happy to cry just by choice if I choose to do so. I feel disconnected with my emotions and they are more something I use to fit in. Around 6th grade, I learned that retaining appearance was very important to my future with relationships. So I started paying attention to other peoples emotions and listening to others to understand and see what pain, regret, shame, confidence, etc look like. Since that point, I have had no problem obtaining a relationship if I want one. I have taken Adderall for many years for my diagnosed ADHD, but when I take this medication I actually became not talkative (Which is weird got me). It also kind of makes me paranoid but helps me stay focused.
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189897 tn?1441130118
I think that there is a pretty good chance that you have only ADHD.  First, at 4 it is almost impossible to be diagnosed with ODD.   What the doc(?) was seeing was a pretty typical kid with ADHD.   Depression and anxiety are very common for kids with ADHD.  Especially if they have not had any information on how ADHD affects them.  
  You said you were emotionally abused until 6th grade - was that about the time you started taking Adderall?
    It is very normal to not talk as much when on Adderall because you now have more impulse control.   I am wondering if you feel more paranoid when on Adderal because you are now more aware of your surroundings?
    Long story short, you grew up in a community that probably did not have a lot of support in the schools for kids with ADHD.  I doubt that your parents had a clue what it even was (although, one of them most probably also had it).  So without the support, you learned how to survive on your own.  What you have experienced I have seen many similar posts on.  Fortunately, you seem to be intelligent and have learned an emotional toughness.
   You really need to start finding out more about what ADHD is and what it does to you.   Once you understand it, you will understand more on how it has shaped you.
   Check out this video (and a bunch more by Jessica on the left of the video) which covers anxiety, being intuitive, etc.  Plus, you get to see the author of several of the go to books on ADHD.
     If I can send any more info your way.  Please ask.  The fact that you have taken the time to post indicates you feel that you have questions.   Best wishes.
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189897 tn?1441130118
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