Help for Angry Unmotivated Teen

[Renee41]

I have a 14 yr old son that is having some issues!!!!  He is managing to destroy relationships formed with family, close friends and anyone that seems to care for him.  I don't believe that all of that has transpired is intentional.  He was in counseling for over a year and I did not see any results outside of additional manipulation. All of the NEW behavior began about three years ago. Everything has really worsened.  He does not misbehave in school, however, he is just ATTENDING school.  He has failed every class this school year and he is in the ninth grade.  There are multiple episodes where he punches, curses, slams doors, leaves the house for hours at a time w/o telephone calls or anything.  He seems to be very angry with me!!!  Well, I get the bulk of it!! .He has tried to commit suicide too!!!  I am so lost because I don't know what to do to help him.  He has been on a waiting list for a mentor.  His father is absent form the scene.  There also are some issues with mania on his father's side.  His father can not maintain employment, does not have lasting relationships with ANYONE not even his child.  My son is very defiant and has a problem with authority.  Meds that were given to him previously just put a bad taste in my mouth because of the end results.  He was diagnosed with ADHD.  Is this a learned behavior?  What type of treatment do I need to seek?  The counseling that he attended was one on one.  He saw a psychiatrist and I don't know of anywhere to turn to now.  I am in Charlotte, NC if there are any suggestions.  I AM AT MY WITS END.....I WANT TO HELP MY CHILD, BUT IT REALLY IS UNBEARABLE AND UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!  I NEED SOME HELP OR DIRECTION!!!!

[wilson49332]

Good evening,

I want to say that this seems to be a problem faced by many parents, know that you arent alone. It sounds as though he is finding his identity, and this started around the start of middle school.

I am going to keep this short for you, here are my thoughts as a licensed child social worker who works in schools:
-I would start some sort of rewards type responsibility check. Its about time for him to start driving within a year or two, ensure he knows that this isnt something he can do acting this way. He may wish to get a job soon, allow this only if say his grades go from an F to D or C (remember, small steps, dont expect a miracle right away).
-What are his motivations to do well or be good? Use them to your advantage- as he does better in steps, allow more freedom, allow him to go with friends out at night longer, or to that concert he wants to see. But if he doesnt do well and meet these goals, consider taking them away in moderation.
-Have you had him diagnosed by a psychiatrist/psychologist? He may have clinical depression which may require meds.
-Give him some freedom when he shows signs of improvement, after all with no father in the picture, he needs it. Give him some money to go enjoy a movie or the likes with friends.

If had a plan for suicide, I assume you mentioned this to a professional? Thats obviously a major thing.

Most of all, hang tight. Stick with your guns, if you tell him your gonna take a privilege away, follow through. I see too many parents not do this critical step, and that's a problem because your teen will eat that up!

[SSgtAyers]

tell him if he hits you will call the cops or if he leaves the house again call the police
they will find and bring him right home its tough love but he will learn that you have had eaough and stop

[Sandman2]

   As an ex-elementary school principal, I can flat out tell you that the schools are not making money off of ADHD kids.  The government's support (as for most things in education) is nil.  To say that there are more ADHD kids now because the schools are making money off them is untruthful and hurtful.  If you are going to place any blame, try drug companies and andvertisements.  
  I am sorry for you and your child.  I hope your approach works.  Hopefully, you are also trying some behavioral approaches with your child.
  I noticed that in the Child Behavior forum (you might want to check it out), that  Dr. Kennedy  recommended  parents to "obtain a copy of Lynn Clarks' book SOS: Help for Parents, and follow it to a 'T'. You will be very glad you did. This practical and sensible guide to managing behavior will be a tremendous resource for you throughout your son's childhood years."

[TUDA81]

WOW, ALL THIS TIME I WAS DEALING WITH MY DAUGHTER THINKING I WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD THAT HAD THESE PROBLEMS.  MY DAUGHTER IS 7 YRS OLD AND HAS BEEN MEDICATED SINCE SHE WAS 5 (THANKS TO THE SCHOOL)  SHE IS "ADHD ODD AND HAS ANXIETY"  SHE HAS HAD MEDS PUMPED IT TO HER LEFT AND RIGHT IT HAS BEEN AWFUL. SHE HAS SEEN COUNCELORS AND PSYCHIARIST LEFT AND RIGHT.  TO BE HONEST I DONT EVEN REMEBER WHAT SHE WAS LIKE BFOR ALLL THE ,MEDS I DO KNOW THAT SHE WASNT THIS BAD.  SHE IS AGRESSIVE HATEFUL UNCONTROLABLE DOSE NOT LIKE AUTHORITY HELL SHE DONT LIKE NO ONE OR HERSELF.  THE DR HAD HER ON 50MG VYVANCE 150MG OF ZOLOFT AND 10MG RISPERDALE.  FINALLY I OPENED MY EYES AND REALIZED THAT MOST OF HER PROBLEMS DIDNT START TILL ALL OF THE MEDS.  I FEEL THAT THE HAVE CREATED A MONSTER.  THE SCHOOL IS THE ONE THAT ORIGINALLY TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO HAVE HER CHECKED CAUSE SHE WAS TO HYPER SO I DID. DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SCHOOLS ARE MAKING MONEY OFF OF OUR KIDS EVERY ADHD CHILD THAT THEY HAVE THE GOVER GIVES THEM MONEY. GEE I WONDER WHY THERE ARE SO MANY ADHD KIDS NOW DAYS.  ANYWAYS THIS IS A VERY TOUCHY SUBJECT FOR ME CAUSE I FEEL LIKE MY LITTLE GIRL HAS LOST 2 YRS OF HER LIFE CAUSE THE HAVE TURNED HER IS TO A KID ON DRUGS, " WELL THATS HOW I FEEL" MY LITTLE GIRL HAS BEEN USED AS A GIENIE PIG FOR 2 YRS BUT IT STOPS AS OF TODAY WE ARE TAKING HER OFF THE MEDS AND TAKING HER TO A NATURAL CURES DR.  THAT DR SAID TO GIVE HIOM 3 MTHS AND SHE WILL BE DIFFERENT SO I FEEL THAT IT IS WORTH THE TIME AND THE MONEY.  I WANT MY BABY GIRL BACK.

[teenadhd]

     My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the end of 7th grade.  He's now going into his senior year.  I can't tell you how many phone calls I've received from teachers and principals over the years.  There have been suspensions.  Whenever my son gets in trouble, especially at school, it's always someone else's fault:  the teachers pick on him, the coach plays favorites, etc.  I've heard it all! Like your son, my son has never been able to undestand that teachers are authority figures who must be respected...even if they're not always being fair.  
     My son was on Stratterra for a couple of years, but he couldn't handle it.  He threw-up almost daily.  He lost weight.  It stunted his growth.  Like you, we are afraid of the side effects of the other presciption meds.  We have used natural supplements since we took him off of Stratterra.  However, it seems that when we find a good one, the company changes their ingredients and suddenly we start to see problems again.  We have now put him on ATTEND  and EXTRESS.  The ATTEND is primarily for ADD.  The EXTRESS is for stress and hyperactivity.  So far, so good.  He's been taking them for about three weeks now.  Like my husband says, we'll really know how they're working when school starts back in a few weeks.  We also give our son one fish oil pill at breakfast and one at dinner.  Be aware that if you discuss natural supplements with your doctor, he or she will not have good things to say.  That's because they don't understand them and they deal only with prescription meds.  
     As far as the anger, I have dealt with some myself.  It is better when he takes his pills.  Some of this is normal teenage hormones.  But, I do believe that ADHD adds to the problem.  Perhaps continuing with a counselor will help him learn to deal with his anger better.
     ADHD is not a "learned" behavior.  It is something the child is born with.  I can kick myself for not having my son tested much earlier.  It would have saved so many punishments, so many tears.  Some  people can deal with their ADHD without medication, others cannot.  My son needs the meds.  Some kids need meds and counseling.  An ADHD person's brain fires differently than someone without ADHD.  Some of your son's behaviors can't be helped.  He can't control them, but he probably feels terrible after the fact.
     Dont' know if I helped you.  But, please be aware that you are not alone.  Many of use are trying to raise children with ADHD.  It's a tough, tough battle.  Remember, you're not alone!