He is very young to be diagnosed with ADHD; typically that cannot be diagnosed before school age (i.e., six or seven years of age), because until that time most of the behaviours exhibited by children with ADHD are typical of all children in the preschool years. (They may be more severe in preschoolers who have ADHD, but since some kids who are highly active in their preschool years definitely don't have ADHD, it's better to wait.)
A lot of what you are describing is typical toddler behaviour - defiance, ignoring "no", climbing all over things, etc. So are what we think of as "irrational fears".
Since you have a daughter who has autism, it might be worthwhile to have your son assessed, as well. Autism is partially genetic, so it is not uncommon for families to have more than one child on the spectrum (I know a family with six children, and five of them are autistic). Autistic children (as I'm sure you know) can be extremely hyperactive, exhibit difficulty understanding consequences and cause/effect, and don't always understand expectations. Of course, depending on the kinds of symptoms your daughter displayed, your son could be non-autistic and his typical behaviours are just foreign to you because you don't have the experience of parenting a non-autistic toddler. Either way, an assessment will probably help you feel more at ease, because then you will know what you're dealing with.
(I have ADHD and I worked with autistic children for ten years.)
Hi. Sorry you haven't been getting responses to your questions. It is quite true that your boy is little and in our state, protocol is to not diagnose for add/adhd until a child is at least 6 due to variability in children.
But we mothers know when something is amiss with our kids. My first suggestion is to talk to your pediatrician. I'd think about developmental milestones and where your child was with them. Things that you don't even realize can be a sign of a nervous system issue. Walking early is actually a sign of add/adhd and sensory integration disorder for example. I was so proud of my early walker and when we were going through assessments and it turned out to be a sign of sensory, I was so surprised! So kind of chart that our for your boy. Also, how is his speech developing?
I would suggest that you actually look into sensory integration disorder (my son has this) as it can look exactly like adhd in the toddler years. We've had a tremendous amount of success with our boy who is doing great after being diagnosed between 3 and 4 years old. No medication is used for sensory but rather games that work directly on the nervous system and some behavior management techniques. You do occupational therapy for it.
I'm happy to share some of these games and techniques you can do at home if you think they may fit. Google sensory integration disorder and let me know what you think.
Very good ideas by both of the above. One other idea is to watch how your mom works with him. You said, "HE WILL OBEY MY MOTHER". If this is true, then maybe she has some technique that you could copy. Of course, its also possible that she is there at a time of the day when he is not tired so he is easier to please - anyway, its worth also trying.
Your child could have adhd. However he is way to young to be treated.
As for the fear. That is extremely normal. I have 4 children they all have different likes and dislikes. Only one of my children has ADHD. But a 2 y/o who is hyper and likes to touch everything. Sounds about right. LOL
I def. Think terrible 2's. Just wait for the 3's. My daughters favorite word is no. The reason he behaves for your mom. She is not his primary caretaker. You are, You see the good the bad and the ugly. When he is with her she is new. He is on his best behavior. There is a level of comfort with you. However the more time he spends with Grandma and Grandpa the comfort levels will rise. This is probably when he drives them crazy. I have never met a 2 y/o that did not eventually drive everyone Crazy!! Its his job. He must test all boundaries. Every parent worries about what their child may or may not have. But to be honest with you they all can show symptoms. It is just how they develop. My Two youngest are extremely Gifted/Talented. One could even read at 4. So My very best advise: Relax. Enjoy it. So what if he gets on peoples nerves. I am sure he gets on your nerves. Tell them to suck it up.
As for the feeding thing. Pretty normal, every child develops the ability to sleep through the night at different times. One suggestion is shorten his naps. Just 10-15 minutes. Just wait the best is still to come. LOL
Develop a good daily routine and stick to it. That is the best advice I have ever received. This will help you and him. You both will know what exactly is expected. Then start the timeout chair. Make sure you set the timer. So you don't leave him in timeout to long. One minute for every year. I am sure you have lots experience with your daughter. I do not have an autistic child. However my cousin is autistic. She has her quirks and demands. She was also much more subdued. I do not know if your daughter is like this. It took you and your parents time to learn to deal with her. The same thing is happening with your son. Right now he is just a 2 year old. He may or may not have issues. But not right now! That is the greatest thing about 2. I would like to hear how he develops.