She is not a socialpath. What she is doing is very typical ADHD things by a girl who also is probably intelligent and has learned how to manipulate the situation.
Kids with ADHD are always getting into trouble because they have no filters and do things without thinking. So if you are always getting into trouble you learn how to try and make the consequences less. Lets face it - everyday, somebody is on your case for something you did. So what do you do? Well you, "shows empathy or sympathy when she hurts (punches,kicks,bites,etc..) or intimidates her younger brother and she lies constantly and she will turn on the water works just to try to get out of punishment and it could be the smallest thing that she did wrong and she will just lie like its second nature to her and that scares us the most." Its really a pretty common thing. And the brighter the child is the faster they learn how to make things easier for them.
What is sad to me is that your child is going to Behavioral therapy and yet for behavioral therapy to work it is something that has to happen consistently and immediately to work. If what she is doing at therapy is not being carried over into the home - ya, it ain't gonna work. Point being you also need to be getting instruction on how to work with her. The fact that you don't have a clue what ADHD kids do would also indicate that you don't know how to work with them. That is not your fault! But, I sure do blame some doctor somewhere!
I highly suggest you buy the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. (about 10 bucks on amazon). She has a whole section on Parenting which you will really find helpful.
Oh, you do need to realize that when you work on consequences with her you really need to distinguish between what behavior she is capable of controlling and what behavior is due to the ADHD ( because you handle the consequences differently). Also, you really need to be aware of when her meds wear off - cause thats when things go down hill. It may mean that you need to talk to her doc and adjust the meds. Finally, ya gotta pick your battles. There are some things worth fighting for right now - and others that can wait. Remember she is doing a lot of this because she has learned over the last couple of years how to survive. That won't change overnight. And, of course, having a younger brother adds to the whole parenting/attention problem. We see this all the time over on the child behavior forum.
I would also suggest you check out this web site - http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm#rewards
Its got a lot of really good ideas that will help you.
Long story short, I really feel for you and your child. There is no way at your age that you could have the training to deal with this. I am ticked that no one has thought that maybe the parent should also have some help. The two things I have recommended will help a lot. With the right information, you will be able to change things a lot. It will take work. It will not happen overnight - but it will happen! If you have any specific questions please post. There is so much that you need to know, that I just can't get it all down. But the two things I have recommended will be well worth your time. I can promise you that. Best wishes.
Interestingly enough it is not unusual for the therapist to champion the child and be suckered into believing what he says. I think it has to do with a false empathy. I saw this with a psychiatrist and his adult patient. The patient had two psychotic episodes (potentially homicidal) and went for treatment. The psychiatrist's attitude was hostile to the person the mentally disturbed person was endangering.
Its her age. Girls are very emotional. When my daughter started lying I took away something important of hers for 2 months. It really helped alot with the lying and behavior.
Sounds more like a sociopath than someone with AD/HD. I found this page jn a quest for an answer to whether it is common to misdiagnose sociopaths as having AD/HD. I haven't found the answer yet, but I have round that it is done, and during myself life I have known two people who are clear examples of misdiagnosed sociopaths who were treated with amphetamines. What I have read so far tells me that this is very dangerous. Amphetamines help AD/HDers by helping them focus. Since sociopaths already focus enough to manipulate others, this just enables them to be more manipulative. Four months ago a sociopath treated with amphetamines murdered my daughter. If I had only known the symptoms of sociopathy at the time, I would have recognized it.
I have been searching for information regarding the possibility of their misdiagnosis of sociopathy as AD/HD, due to the fact that my daughter was murdered this past October, and the only living witness who can presently be identified by anyone at the scene, has been diagnosed with AD/HD. I was diagnosed in adulthood, and read three books about AD/HD, and would not have had any clue that she has it if I had not known she is prescribed Adderall. I did suspect, after my daughter was murdered, that she was a sociopath. If I had known more of the signs of sociopathy prior to October, perhaps my daughter would still be with us. I would go to another professional.
Well, that is the thing of intelligent adhd people.. they learn short cuts to problem they have. Believe me i have a high IQ and im diagnosed with adhd aswell. At this level you could find out about the truth but it will keep on happening under your nose and you wont know a thing wheb she grows up. I had my dad say that i never lie. Well , i lied to his face. But i keep out of bad things as my dad is close to me and keeps me advising against drugs bad people etc.... Try to emphathise her, be close. Children learn to lie , which is the sign of developing cognitive funtion. Try to be her best friend and she will open up. And for empathy, i can choose not to feel it cuz my head is wandering around with things im fantasing. Happens with adhd people. Also if i feel bad, i can feel worse cuz its gets amplified due to this hyperfocus.