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lying child
We got our child when he was 6 years old. He was abused by his real mom. He is ADHD and ever since we have had him he constantly lies. He doesn't even think about it his first answer is a lie. We always find out the truth but it just seems he is always in trouble and will never take any resposibility for his actions. Is this normal for adhd? He seems to have a few mental problems and he has seen a physciatrist who says hes normal but he does some pretty awful stuff. Can you help?
I have a problem with my 10-year old daughter lying. (She was adopted at the age of four months and as ADHD - impulsiveness and highly distractible). I don't think lying is her first answer in most situations. However, I feel she does it when there is no real need. She told me she does it out FEAR of the consequence. We believe in the power of prayer. Thus, she and I both pray about her need to lie. Since I homeschool, we have greater opportunity to sit, talk, and pray throughout the day. (My husband, who also believes in prayer, works during the day. He prays with her at night on occasion.) I have also explained to her the REAL consequences of lying. One, it destroys the trust between her and the people who are there to support and protect her. I've told if she is ever in situation where we need to come to her aid, we need to be able to trust her enough to know (or think) she is being honest. Otherwise, she is going to be just like the boy who cried "wolf". Two, choosing to lie is also choosing to say, "I don't care about you (Mom or whomever she is lying to or about)." Three, lying also damages - and may potentially destroy - her relationship with family, friends, and potential friends. Four, lying affects her relationship with God. She will not have the confidence to pray as she should because she is carrying the weight of the lie(s). Lastly, lying damages who she is as a person. She is a phony inside. Nobody else may know it, but she does. She is a very intuitive and smart girl. She feels and cares deeply. She loves hard. I'm not sure if my approach would work as well with a boy, but it has definitely worked with my daughter. (Don't get me wrong, I don't look at what we did as a scientific approach. I prayed for direction.) God bless you as you search to find what will work for you and your family.
Your words worry me "When we tell him of the stuff he does he just wants to up his meds which I dont agree with. We don't have insurance so we have to go to a doctor that the state will pay for. Thank you for your comment. I just feel at such a loss with what to do with him. I feel like hes making me go crazy because now I am always mad. I would rather go to work than be at home and thats not what I want."
1. If the doctor just wants to increase the dosage of medication and if you don't agree with this approach, ditch the doctor. Follow your gut.
Go to google.com and type in " risperdal warnings" and see what you find. Read...read...read...
http://www.drkoop.com/druglibrary/93/risperdal-warnings_precautions.html
http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/ANSWERS/2004/ANS01335.html
2. It is hard to tell whether the lying behavior is drug induced. Has he lied when he was off the drugs? Was he ever off the medication? Gosh, some MD's haver terrible opinions about these ADHD medications. Some doctors believe that long term ADHD medication might cause the child have the inability to determine right and wrong behavior. These doctors are open to much criticism from the pharmaceutical industry. Read more here:
http://www.breggin.com/
3. Many doctors think that labeling a child with ADHD doesn't fix the real problems. For instance, the real problems stem from your adopted child's abuse. The current environment in your family is also a problem, since you admit that the family currently lacks harmony. Another problem could be that you and your husband are overwhelmed by rigorous work schedules and too tired to try the behavior modification.
Read more from a doctor who thinks that the environment of the child is at play when kids have problems of inattention or overimpulsivity.
http://www.dbpeds.org/articles/detail.cfm?TextID=128
Try hard to fix the environment. Get some good family therapists who use talk therapy.
If you can't afford this, then start a "self help" program. Read everything you can about how to help your family. Go for walks together and talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Spend time together and do it now.
You are on a path to sainthood. Only an angel like you would swoop down from heaven and adopt a kid with so many problems. Take a breath of fresh air and renew your efforts with this child who is so very lucky to have you in his life. We stand behind you.
1. If the doctor just wants to increase the dosage of medication and if you don't agree with this approach, ditch the doctor. Follow your gut.
Go to google.com and type in " risperdal warnings" and see what you find. Read...read...read...
http://www.drkoop.com/druglibrary/93/risperdal-warnings_precautions.html
http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/ANSWERS/2004/ANS01335.html
2. It is hard to tell whether the lying behavior is drug induced. Has he lied when he was off the drugs? Was he ever off the medication? Gosh, some MD's haver terrible opinions about these ADHD medications. Some doctors believe that long term ADHD medication might cause the child have the inability to determine right and wrong behavior. These doctors are open to much criticism from the pharmaceutical industry. Read more here:
http://www.breggin.com/
3. Many doctors think that labeling a child with ADHD doesn't fix the real problems. For instance, the real problems stem from your adopted child's abuse. The current environment in your family is also a problem, since you admit that the family currently lacks harmony. Another problem could be that you and your husband are overwhelmed by rigorous work schedules and too tired to try the behavior modification.
Read more from a doctor who thinks that the environment of the child is at play when kids have problems of inattention or overimpulsivity.
http://www.dbpeds.org/articles/detail.cfm?TextID=128
Try hard to fix the environment. Get some good family therapists who use talk therapy.
If you can't afford this, then start a "self help" program. Read everything you can about how to help your family. Go for walks together and talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Spend time together and do it now.
You are on a path to sainthood. Only an angel like you would swoop down from heaven and adopt a kid with so many problems. Take a breath of fresh air and renew your efforts with this child who is so very lucky to have you in his life. We stand behind you.
My 13 year old son constantly lies to me too. I absolutly HATE it. His first answer is always a lie, and he keeps up the charade until, I threaten him, or I prove to him that I know he's lying. I'm so sick of it, and I've tried every thing to make him quit. I hate being lied too, and when he tells the truth, I usually don't even make a big deal about it, I just tell him to fix the problem and I thank him for being honest. I don't understand, and it makes me so angry. Lying is one of my pet peeves, it drives me insane because anything else can be fixed as long as there is HONESTY. If there is not then there is no hope. I've tried every-thing from making him write essays, talking to him, grounding him... everything. Another thing he does is make excuses for everything, and complete task half way.
ADHD for 22 years now. More then likely it is the impulsive behavior. Any Meds? if so lies while active in his system?
yes that is normal for him to lie my stepsone dose exactly the same things it dosent matter if the question would be did you put youre school clothes in the washing basket he would auotomaticaly lie about it it is verry unconfertable i know because you know the truth and it probably hurts you when he dose it as i have fownd out
He might be just as frustrated as you are but shows it differently. Most men ( like my ex) did not want to admit that there was something wrong. We had to go to court because he refuse to give her the medication and I could always tell she would come home with way to much energy. I put her in 2 sports so it would suck the life right out of her. Gave her a ton of chores which to this day she does complete( she and I have OCD I think LOL) My ex- understands now, but now is to late because she is older. He deals with the repercussions of his actions. A counselor does help and if you can't spend time with then do a dinner thing. I work 60 miles away from where I live, and begged my boss to put me on day schedule to watch her. The only thing that I do that is critical to me is dinner. Every one has to sit at dinner at night. Some days I am tired, she can be a bit much and cause discord with the other sibilings. But I am at the point where I don't deal well with nonsense. I work at a highschool, WHERE ALL THE KIDS ARE LIKE THIS LOL. So she is walk in the park. At dinner we talk about nothing. I make her clean up the kitchen with me together and WE TALK. Everyone is in there rooms by 830pm. If my husband is home we start with the small talk and work on the big things later. It's not easy, trust me men don't have the patience especially in there own frustration.
I hope that counselor will help you. If you really want to know of the difference between the two drugs look them up on line. To me strattera was more addicting the concerta. I also had to be careful be cause she would tell me that she would act up because she needed her medicine. Not the case, she has to as I have told her will be responsible for her and her actions alone.. My punishments as with most smart children are unique. Whatever works is what I do... God Bless I will pray that God does not give u anymore grey hair then he has given me..lol
I hope that counselor will help you. If you really want to know of the difference between the two drugs look them up on line. To me strattera was more addicting the concerta. I also had to be careful be cause she would tell me that she would act up because she needed her medicine. Not the case, she has to as I have told her will be responsible for her and her actions alone.. My punishments as with most smart children are unique. Whatever works is what I do... God Bless I will pray that God does not give u anymore grey hair then he has given me..lol
Thank you. I know I don't spend much time with him like I should but sometimes he has to much energy for me. But I have been telling my husband we need to all start having time together. My husband and I have been fighting alot and we decided we are gonna see a family counselor so maybe that will help also. I will talk to my sons doctor and learn the differences between concerta and strattera. Thanks so much for your help. Its really nice to be able to talk this out with someone nutural. My husband just doesn't understand things
My daughter was originally on strattera I did not like the side effects and for the most part concerta seems to work. He sounds like my daughter. Her academics are great she gets AAA's a math whiz her temperment, however leaves a bit much to desire. Her father and I are divorce and he is an obstacle and a road block. My second husband is alot better with her. The therapy does work and its good that you are stern. Most kids that are ADHD are smart. They are TOO smart.
You have to temper the ability. I have never heard of the aspergers syndrome. I will have to do some research on it. As for her sleep patterns, she is my alarm clock( 530am since she was small. She is in bed by 930pm. Because she is a teenager, she has moods and moments that we work thru they are not easy, this is why I suggested the therapy. As for his issue with his mother that is a relationship that will evolve on his own he probably feels some resent which is ok and may feel betrayal by wanting her love or attn. He is scared he calls you mom but at his age, he still is uncomfortable expressing his emotions. dont expect him to tell that he has abandonment issues. Let him understand that is ok to care about her that it by no way effects your relationship with him. Dont let him talk down to her or sass her she is still an adult and mother. MY girlfriends son has stay with for years and calls me mom and his mother by her first name..
I remember also trying a drawing exercise with them on a few occasions pictures of there emotions
what a family.is at his age he is more likely to draw. That starts dialogue. Also find something that the two of you can do together just you and him. That can start the chain how you to react with each other. I do these things with my kids/ I learned alot about why they were angry and what it was about. Teach him now especially because he is adhd to respond and not react..
You have to temper the ability. I have never heard of the aspergers syndrome. I will have to do some research on it. As for her sleep patterns, she is my alarm clock( 530am since she was small. She is in bed by 930pm. Because she is a teenager, she has moods and moments that we work thru they are not easy, this is why I suggested the therapy. As for his issue with his mother that is a relationship that will evolve on his own he probably feels some resent which is ok and may feel betrayal by wanting her love or attn. He is scared he calls you mom but at his age, he still is uncomfortable expressing his emotions. dont expect him to tell that he has abandonment issues. Let him understand that is ok to care about her that it by no way effects your relationship with him. Dont let him talk down to her or sass her she is still an adult and mother. MY girlfriends son has stay with for years and calls me mom and his mother by her first name..
I remember also trying a drawing exercise with them on a few occasions pictures of there emotions
what a family.is at his age he is more likely to draw. That starts dialogue. Also find something that the two of you can do together just you and him. That can start the chain how you to react with each other. I do these things with my kids/ I learned alot about why they were angry and what it was about. Teach him now especially because he is adhd to respond and not react..
Hellow everyone.
Please view this website.. Dore Achievement Center
Here is how it works
Learning lots of new skills requires the brain to be working efficiently. The Dore Program has been designed to maximize your child’s learning potential by developing the brain with fun exercises that can be done at home. It works especially well with children who show symptoms of ADD, AD/HD, dyslexia, dyspraxia and Aspergers Syndrome.
The Program is drug-free and non invasive and has lasting results.
Sometimes in a child’s development, the skill center doesn’t develop good communications with the thinking center, allowing skills to be stored there once automatic. The Dore Program can fix this and restore good connections between the two parts of the brain through a personalized program of fun exercises, developed by experts. For centuries it has been well understood that exercises increases brain power. Dore has harnessed much of this research, and added the latest technology and understanding to provide this unique service.
I know this sounds too good to be true. We were skeptical at first because they basically re-wire the brain. So we decided to give it a try, So far my son has been DRUG free for a year now. Its awesome ! My son had all the awful side effects of the drugs from head aches to stomach aches, vomiting - you name it. I couldnt stand to see him this way. Now the price of the program is not cheap at all. I paid 1,500.00 for the 1st visit and the series of tests. After that you go back every 6 weeks and its 200.00 per visit. He was in the program for 1 year. It was not easy at all because you have to commit to the exercises twice a day. It paid off. My son is doing great 2 years later without the harmful ADD medication.
Please view this website.. Dore Achievement Center
Here is how it works
Learning lots of new skills requires the brain to be working efficiently. The Dore Program has been designed to maximize your child’s learning potential by developing the brain with fun exercises that can be done at home. It works especially well with children who show symptoms of ADD, AD/HD, dyslexia, dyspraxia and Aspergers Syndrome.
The Program is drug-free and non invasive and has lasting results.
Sometimes in a child’s development, the skill center doesn’t develop good communications with the thinking center, allowing skills to be stored there once automatic. The Dore Program can fix this and restore good connections between the two parts of the brain through a personalized program of fun exercises, developed by experts. For centuries it has been well understood that exercises increases brain power. Dore has harnessed much of this research, and added the latest technology and understanding to provide this unique service.
I know this sounds too good to be true. We were skeptical at first because they basically re-wire the brain. So we decided to give it a try, So far my son has been DRUG free for a year now. Its awesome ! My son had all the awful side effects of the drugs from head aches to stomach aches, vomiting - you name it. I couldnt stand to see him this way. Now the price of the program is not cheap at all. I paid 1,500.00 for the 1st visit and the series of tests. After that you go back every 6 weeks and its 200.00 per visit. He was in the program for 1 year. It was not easy at all because you have to commit to the exercises twice a day. It paid off. My son is doing great 2 years later without the harmful ADD medication.
My son does great in school. He dispupts class because he cant stop talkingand he cant sit still but he made honor roll last year. He doesn't like to do his homework but who does. We are very stern parents. He does as he is told. Maybe with a hateful look on his face but he does it. He likes to talk back alot thats for sure. We give him his meds so we dont have to worry about if he is taking them. He doesn't have friends. No one likes him because no matter what he is the boss. But then he will share everything with everyone. He is not greedy at all. He will think about helping the less fornunate. He is an awsome kid for others but thinks he can get away with everything with us. He is on @ meds. Stattera in the mourning and respirdal at night to help him sleep as well. The strattera is suppose to help him concentrate at school. He doesn't like his mother when she calls he wants to talk to here but then she only talks to him about 5 minutes and he will come to me and say she wants to talk to my dad and I still have things I wanted to ask. He calls her by her name not mom. I am mom. That was his choice which is fine.I feel lik he wants to feel loved by her but doesnt he wont say he really doesnt know how to talk to us. We cant ask him if he feels like that because then he will say yeah and use that as an excuse instead of telling us his whole problem. He is only ten I can imagine what he will be like when he is a teenager. He already looks at girls. yuck. anyways I checked on this thing called asperger's syndrome have you heard of it? It fits my son to the T but I wouldn't know what to do about tring to see if he has it. Let me know ok thanks and god bless. You sound like a great and understanding mom. I am sure your daughter appreciates it.
Try alternatives my daughter was diagnosed with adhd since she was 5. She is now 14. It is a quest, I did not have her medicated until she was 8. We have tried behavior modification. I have had to play an active participant with the psychiatrist and the psychologist. You will have to advocate for him. Recently she has been acting out even more including in school. I have patches of grey hair for stress and things she takes me through. However, I understand her. She takes 54mg of concerta with a side effects of headaches. I watch how she comes off her medication, I know when she takes it and when she doesn't. Find if you can a psychologist that can put him in groups with other students. Depending on what medication he wants to give him I would research it. Concerta I like because its long acting works mostly for 8 hours and assist them while there in school. Thats the highest dose and its weight regulated. Your MD may want to increase because it may not be enough for him. How is he in school? what is his environment? what is his response to his mother? and what are ALL his triggers? These are important factors to be considered.. Let me know..
As a side note recently my daughter has been crazy, with her behavior. The doctor wanted to put her on an evening medication. I decline.. I had her tested for free at insititute by my house. increase every week and instead of 2 weeks seeing the psychologist, and gave her more physical activity. or yeah and prayer for me! LOL let me know what you decide..
As a side note recently my daughter has been crazy, with her behavior. The doctor wanted to put her on an evening medication. I decline.. I had her tested for free at insititute by my house. increase every week and instead of 2 weeks seeing the psychologist, and gave her more physical activity. or yeah and prayer for me! LOL let me know what you decide..
Thank you. I know we have had him for 4 years now he is only allowed to talk to hi biological mom on the phone. Which he only does once in a while. She did smoke and drink and her son she has now is alot worse than my son so I know it has to do with her. But we have had him for 4 years and this is non stop. He has been to a child therapist who says hes ADHD. When we tell him of the stuff he does he just wants to up his meds which I dont agree with. We don't have insurance so we have to go to a doctor that the state will pay for. Thank you for your comment. I just feel at such a loss with what to do with him. I feel like hes making me go crazy because now I am always mad. I would rather go to work than be at home and thats not what I want. I want us all to be able to live as a happy family.
This might not help you, but I was diagnosed with ADD and ADHD when I was younger. I also suffer from severe depression. I was that misunderstood child. The rage and aggression your child is displaying is from a lack of stability, depression, and the inability to cope with the heartache of loss he feels. I would recommend having him see a child therapist that specializes in behavior. Or someone who can help with the changes in his life. Being he was abused, you might want to find out if your son's blood mother, drank, did drugs, smoked, All these things can cause abnormal behavior in a child. Good luck and god bless.
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