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Avatar universal

so stressed need help!!!

My son is 5 years old, we have not been doing good in school at all, at the beginning of the year it seemed as if we had no problems, asked my son everyday hoe school was and he says good, that he was being a good kid, never got a call from teacher so I asummed all was well he even got nominated for gifted and talented classes about a month ago, we recently went to an open house to see his progress, the teacher told me he had been sent to the office for fighting, she says he does not pay attention, he is behind all Tue other kids in his class bc he does not pay attention she said he does great 1 on 1 but will not listen during class. He is an after school program where he got suspended for 2 data bc he will not listen to The teachers, I grew up with spankings, so of course he does get punished by that, but we also talk to him and let him know why, we ask him what's going on, same answer "the other kids are doing it too" I am pregnant right know with #2 does it sound like an add/adhd issue or more of a jealous issue?? Idk what to do anymore I'm getting very upset and stressed that nothing we are doing is helping.
9 Responses
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
   Well, I am glad the spankings worked for you.  Of course, if you got spanked multiple times, then it really wasn't working.
   Anyway, any behavioral modification that you wish to attempt has to be immediate.   To punish him for what he is doing or not doing at school absolutely will not work at this age.  And if he does have ADHD, then I can guarantee that it will not work and will only make things worse.  At this age, since the reinforcement has to be immediate - the school is the main one for changing that behavior.  However, you can practice things with him at home that he might carry over to school.  For example there are books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd that are meant to be read aloud to them and then practiced.  You might try "Hands are not for hitting" found here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775   and further down the page you will see "know and follow rules" and many other good books.
    What I would do is to visit the school and see what is really going on.  Are all the other kids doing it?  Does the teacher have control? or no control?
     I would be surprised if a jealous issue was presenting itself at school.   And typically, that really doesn't show up even at home until the new born is about 1 or 2 and really taking up moms time.  It could be ADHD, but that also should be presenting itself at home.  A kid just can't turn it off and on.  So a good idea would be to become more familiar with the symptoms of ADHD.  This is a pretty good site for that.     http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1  
    It really is important to try and figure out what is going on - as how you attempt to change his behavior really depends on what is causing his behavior.   Was he in preschool before this?   I do suggest looking into the books I mentioned and reading them to him at night.  That personal time with him is important!
   And really, the important question is - is this only going on at school!  Makes a huge difference!!!!!!
Avatar universal
We are constantly getting on to him at home, but mainly for just jumping around like on beds or couches, things that he could harm himself on, I have had meetings with his afterschool teacher and as we are talking all the other kids are running, jumping screaming etc. So I get upset bc I feel my little one is getting singled out, he has a very out going and random personality, always happy, rarley see him sad, he does get upset if he knows he had a bad day at school, I don't want it to be adhd/add, no one in my family.has it, nor his dads I am going to speak to his pediatrician about it just to rule it out or get it diagnosed either way. Thanks for the advice and I will check out the books..
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
   I forgot to ask when his birthday is?  By chance is he one of the youngest kids in his class?
Avatar universal
My son is 9 and I've gone through the same thing with him his entire life.  Medicine won't work for him because his body quickly becomes immune to any add adhd medicine and we are constantly putting him on a higher dosage then he acts like a zombie. What I can say is when your son gets older you can explain more to him his actions try to pull the disappointment card where itll hit him. And  stay on him everyday. I talk to my son's teacher and principal everyday I get daily updates and a weekly progress report. My son has a list of tasks to do everyday when he gets home I print him out worksheets for everything including worksheets on social life and coping.  Idk if your religious but my son really enjoys reading the kids bible too..I'm not big on the bible but it gives my son something to believe in and motivated him to want to be better and work more on himself idk hopd it helped
Avatar universal
Hi, i am going to start with About me is have 4 kids (2 adhd and 2 tipical) i am a adhd coach, i run parent support groups for CHADD and i have it my self. I get parents all the time who get blind sided with a posiblity of adhd.

Now about your son. Lets be honest you are expecting. You are not the super mom you can be or were 6 months ago. You are growing a life and that is hard. Then you have a little boy whos whole world is changing. having mixed feelings about what is to come is normal. He sounds like a stressed out and lost little boy. The crazy part is stress brings out the adhd in everyone.  That is why they look at the whole life span for adhd when properly diganosed.

Take these two weeks to address why he is so wound up and having a hard time. Talk to him and talk about ehat you are feeling also. Make it okay to be worried Or nervous about. Ask what he would like to be part of or help with. This baby is getting everyones attiontion and this is not going to stop soon. Set up ways that he can get attiontion also. Date night or weekly things that are for just him.  My oldest still remembers helping me decorate his sisters room and how he got to pick what she came home in.

You are a good mom. I can tell just because you put your self out there and posted this. No one knows him better then you. Trust your gutt. If adhd does not fit then dont force it. Be his safty net. He has fallen now help him back up so he can thrive adhd or not!
Avatar universal
I forgot to say i typed that last thing on my phone and it has a posesed auto correct. So i am sorry if choppy or if has a incorrect word.

I also wanted to give you my email. ***@**** you can always email me if you have any questions about adhd. I have binders and hundrads of documents on all adhd topics. I am always here to listen and will try to help. Adhd is a overwellming world on your own.
757137 tn?1347200053
If he is on a high sugar diet cut back drastically. He shouldn't be on juices or sodas or lots of desserts. Hyper activity and lack of attention is often attributable to sugar. I am not saying that this is the problem with you boy, but often the questions I am asking are not asked and the problem goes undetected.

Boys mature later than girls, so he may be having problems of being a little too young for his schoolwork. But don't be too upset. He is only five.

189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
   Hi and welcome to the forum.   I greatly respect CHADD and all they do.  You may have noticed that your email address did not go through.  You will have to do a private message to her by clicking on her name and then messaging her if you want to send your email.  
Avatar universal
Thank you everyone for all the feedback, me and little man have spent lots of.time talking about school, home,.baby ect. He is doing much better in school still getting in trouble here and there, but instead of.him lying to me telling me he did good, I have been more Intouch with his school and teachers to get the truth as I let them know I feel it was partially their fault for letting him get so bad due to the simple Fact they were not contacting me when he was getting in trouble so we are now working together for little man..
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