making amends

[leeisgettingclean]

So I was just wondering when people started making amends once their recovery started. I know from my time at a inpaitient rehab that making amends is important in recovery. I owe a few people money and plan on paying them but its not just that easy. I dont even talk to these people anylonger because of owing them money and have not talked to them in a few months so I cant just walk up and pay them, they are going to wanna talk, and this why its a prob, they are drug dealers, not the kind that would hunt me down and kill me, but the kind that once i find them and pay them, they are going to back in my life-what can i do?  I dont wanna see them! can i just donate some money to a food bank or something and be done with it? you know, instead of paying them back take that same amount of cash to a food bank, is that concedered making amends, or is making amends mean .." making your wrong right with the person you wronged"?

[desperatetostop]

you're welcome. glad it inspired

:)

[leeisgettingclean]

thank you very much, your post makes me feel like its possible!!

[desperatetostop]

#  Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD HARM THEM OR OTHERS (I would like to think that YOU are "other")

if making an amends to someone will risk your sobriety, you can make it in another way. the step also says "wherever possible"...paying back a dealing may not be possible...a donation to a food bank, very possible.

10 years ago when i got off the crack and worked on steps...I made amends as best I could...some I had to do simply thru prayer and meditation as some people had moved away or passed on...
forgiveness/amends is for us, for our recovery...it is so that we know we did our best to right a wrong.


story:
I was the 'other woman'....he left his wife...eventually we married ... we were high on everything all the time, especially crack. When I got clean, my amends to his first wife was to love her children and do right by them (I could not yet have a conversation with her...) and here I am 10 years later, divorced from him (9 yrs) and I continue to see his/her oldest daughter (19) and his first wife and I speak more often then either one of us speaks with him!
I couldn't make a direct amends to her ... but i made my amends.

you can to

[worried878]

I really never took advantage of anyone...perhaps isolating causing confusion for my family...for me removing negative people from my life helped alot..and those that I could not remove/accepting them for who they r also helped..for the most part/it was myself i needed to make ammends to..as i had wronged my own being more so than anyone else

[freebird227]

The STEPS were intended to be worked with the guidance of a sponsor who knows you well and the STEPS were written in order for a reason.......................I agree ....if you have to ask then you are NOT ready.Everything has it's season and when the student is ready the Teacher will apper......Give yourself a break and focus on the here and NOW, When the time comes for you to clean up the wreckage from your past..... you will know exactly what and how to do it........Much Love

[leeisgettingclean]

thanks everyone, I felt as if staying away from these people were the right thing to do.

[JG525]

Lee- They say that if it can bring harm to you or the people you're making the amends to, not to do it.  You could mail them the money if that's possible or maybe you could make a donation to something related?  Like a rehab or prevention program?

I've made amends to people before, but in general, I didn't bring anyone back in my life that I thought would be more harmed by me or vice versa.

I think a donation would suffice.  Of course, donation of your time would be even better! :)

[kim715]

Like GTMI said work on true friends and family.Personally I wouldn't worry about paying the dope man back.I'd stay as far away from them as possible.I think donating the money to a food bank,especially if it makes you feel better about it,is a great idea...Kim

[GoingToMakeIt]

Maybe now is not the time to pay your drug dealers back. Personally I'd stay far away from them. Work on true friends and family first, then branch out if you feel it is necessary.