this is a vent post...just some stuff I need to express.
I'm finding myself incredibley annoyed and b!tchy today...oh, and very itchy. I think when I go thru high stress I get hives or something...this same thing happened to me years ago when I was living with the idiot who became my husband. but anyway...
I'm in a cranky mood, my finger hurts...i don't know what is wrong with it but it hurts like hell..and the tendonitis in my thumb (opposite hand than the one with the hurt finger) is acting up again. I kind of want to go to the pain doc to get a shot...but then again I don't...I don't know how many of those little shots is healthy and whatnot. there's gotta be a better way.
I have an incredible headache that will not go away...i have taken tylenol extra strength to no avail..even some sinus meds and still no relief.
I want a vicodin.
But I wont take one...I don't have any, which is a good start...I do know that within a few hours I could have my grubby hands on an oxycontin...but I wont ask for that either. I will get thru this without taking anything.
As most of you know i have a little over a month clean and nearly a month off of cigarettes...I don't even want a cigarette...that, in itself, is amazing. I smell cigs from other people and on other people and it makes me angry...the smell just p!sses me off...not because I "can't" have one...cuz I can choose to go that route, i don't want to. I think I get angry at the addiction itself.
the only reason for me to want to take anything...like a pill or a smoke... is simply to escape...to escape the annoyance of being awake and at work and having to deal with life of life's terms. I'm not liking it today. I may like it tomorrow...who knows. who cares. that's the other thing...lately i have this really ugly attitude of 'not caring'...but its only about work. It's probably because A) i'm leaving for vacation next week, B) I'll be out most of Feb. due to surgery and C) I'm leaving here for good no later than April 30th (moving out of state). So...I've already 'checked out' at work. I'm just going thru the motions.
I'm stressed out because at the end of April I will not have a job ... i don't know how long it will take to me to get a job in a town that has an unemployment rate of 11%!!! However, my man doesn't seem to be too worried as he knows I have several different skills and will be sure to find a job doing something. Also, I'm already training in Dog Grooming so that I can find myself something other than administrative work to do when I do become a job hunter. :)
I think I'm done venting for now...I just needed to blow off some steam and say 'out loud' that I want a pill. I'm over it now...I wont take one, it wont help in the long run anyway...
Thanks for listening