In response to your post, I share the following. My husband and I were both diagnosed with ADHD in 1998 & '99. Since he is a H.S. teacher and I am a Social Worker, we both took on learning as much as we could about ADHD as fast as we could. Getting the diagnosis and the learning that followed that has helped us both to understand and accept ourselves and each other and the intricacies of the many problems in our family (of 7 children, 12 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren). Learning is where to start, and I always recommend the following books:
1. Driven to Distraction - Hallowell (Ed) & Ratey (John)
2. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, by Daniel Amen
3. The Twelve Steps--A Guide for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder
There is so much on the Internet that I don't know where to start. I would say, you start your own research and then post more questions here. I will get emails when you do, will answer and hopefully others will also join this discussion.
For treatment, he should start with checking into what counseling services are available at his college. I was helped a great deal by therapists and therapy groups at my college. And group therapy is just as important and valuable as individual (I've had plenty of both and would have gone insane without them).
Some people have attempted to start Adult ADHD self-help support groups using the 12-Step model because they are free (nominal donations). The book (#3 above) is fantastic (was used by a Debtors Anonymous group for people with ADHD I was in). So include in your search the key words "Adult ADHD self-help support groups near New Port Richey Florida" just in case there's one going there.
Also, there is CHADD support groups (CHildren with Attention Deficit Disorder) which usually focus more on children, but some do also include some support for adults, since it is now well known that outgrowing ADHD usually does not happen for people.
You are right about anxiety, depression and insomnia going hand in hand with this condition. You will see it discussed in all 3 books. I'm currently working on a book myself about my own journey as an adult (?) with no fully functioning prefrontal cortex in our house (the part of the brain where judgment takes place) and therefore, no real adults - no self-regulation, no time or money management or planning skills of any kind, NO tolerance for anything boring, no boundaries or structure, but plenty of unwarranted risk taking. It will be titled God & Me & A.D.D.
I tell you this to encourage your son. When you have ADHD, there's an ongoing battle against hopelessness because of our rate of failure, the constantly being overwhelmed just by the normal demands of daily life, the fear of "what will I screw up today?", the self-hatred over being a high-maintenance person for anyone else to be in relationship with, the frequency of disasters we create for ourselves, the frequency of spilling things, breaking things, saying the wrong things, looking for things, brain fog, addictions, and envy of people who just seem to be able to make things happen. This is what leads to the anxiety, depression and insomnia (we never feel like we've done enough yet today, so we can't go to bed yet).
In my case, the fact that there is someone who knows my every thought and feeling, who knows better than I do what I need, what I should do, what I need to learn & to avoid and wants to teach me Himself, who actually does love me the way I am took and takes SO MUCH PRESSURE off me. In short, knowing that my outcomes are not dependent on my wobbly skill sets, that what any human person thinks about me cannot close any door God wants open (and is quite unimportant anyway), and that He himself is willing to be in charge of my learning processes and timetable is what saved me, my mind, my sanity. I would not be writing this message to you right now were it not for Him and His interventions. So the recommendation I offer other ADD/ADHDers that is most compelling to me is, "Getting close to Him is the most important thing you can do for yourself...and will make more of a difference than anything else you do."
Lastly, believe it or not, a few years ago I realized that I no longer wish I didn't have it...in fact, I would rather have it than not have it. It's benefits are for a future discussion.
Hi Cheri, If I may call you that.
Your reply is so welcome here! I dislike seeing my son so isolated. He is a full grown adult and does have many concerns about himself. You mentioned clumsiness, and other typical things that my son complains happen to him..
I din not realize there is an appropriate 12 Step Program for him. We talked about the need for a close circle of friends and then acquaintances
in addition. His comment was I just want to get my degree and a good job.
I can understand his disinterest in being part of a group. However he does
mention having a belief in "a higher power seems ideal". He seems very stuck. Has physical pain too. Highs and lows in emotions.
I will take a look at your suggestions and get working. I have Daniel Aman's
CDs re the Brain, Not at home right now but I did leave several encouraging tapes and CDs out for him and encouraged stretching out and listening to one.
The coach or counselor have been suggested, I don't like the idea of nagging my son. Right now he is probably at the computer playing games.
He recently had good and bad experiences with college. Having a teacher that seemed very sporadic and unsure of his class materials, seemed to result in my son feeling totally lost. I'll call my son Smiley from here on. He has a great sense of humor and nice whites with his smile!
It is very touching for me that you have taken time to give me the insights I really need, Sounds like you have a great support system and are succeeding nicely with your life. I hope more folks will join in on this discussion. Please hang in there with your interests Cheri There must be more adults out there having ADD/ADHD challenges. Please join in and help make frustrated observers like me feel less like a third wheel!
Thank you all and hope to see more replies.
People with ADHD please respond to out posts...let us know how you succeed in your day to day plans and goal planning to stay on track.
Thank you FreeCheri for the great resources. Maybe someone out there can advise me on a support group for folks with ADD/ADHD near New Port Richey.FL. Thanks in advance for your interests and help.
Just order another book about the life of a person with ADHD. This was suggested by FreeCheri. If you have read it please post your op[nion about
the contents. Any other resources would be appreciated.
That book is "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey
I am a 28 year old that was diagnosed with ADD back roughly 2-3 years ago. The doctor I work for told me I was. Later on I discussed it with my primary doctor where he started me on medication. It helps great and I seem to get my work done.
But along with this I have been reading your posts and like your son I too have my ups and downs. Even on medication it will not cure the problem but make it seem less of a problem. I still have times where I can not sit still for a second, then other times the moment you sit me down in front of something I have no intrest in I either wonder away or tend to fall asleep. I slept a lot in school because I was bored, however it did not effect my grades in any way. In college I could not do online classes. I do not have the attention span to do so, or at least last time I tried I did not and then again at that time I was not on any medication. So it might be a different situation now.
Its a one day at a time thing. Everybody responds to stuff differently. I wish your son the best with school :)
Great help with ADHD concerns! Thanks to you bo0berry.
Smiley, my son, with ADHD is enjoying computer games thru the night! Many reasons for switching to night shift. I told him that your medication helps at work. He is finding coffee helps keep him focused. He learned when he drank a good bit of coffee and noticed that he falls asleep easily. So we discussed this result and how he should note the amount of coffee and its effect on his behavior. However with the heat in Florida and dislike for ice coffee that option has its limits. We are going to look into alternative
therapies for ADHD since Smilely dislike medication.
Success seems to have awards. Any one with ADHD and attending College.... great going! Smiley did well for one semester. So he is ready for an online class and three on campus. Being bored was a prior problem for Smiley. It is a current one for me. I have a general conclusion that when one's goals are not being accomplished an inertia results. Bordom and Depression creeps in without awareness. Then there is little interest
in the Now. How about those of you with ADHD? Anyone have success dealing with being bored through coaching? I see it is available even long distance online. I firmly believe is counselling as it assists you to clarify what is going on in your life and helps you with acceptance and direction.
Coaching is different with little psychoanalysis. Anyone combining the approaches? Would love some opinions.
Please note that FreeCheri has a great post with resources in her post June 22, 2012. I purchased Driven to Distraction and The Twelve Steps--A Guide for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder .I'll comment after reading. Please post if you found any particularly useful info in either of these books.
Hi. Smiley is now considering counselling. Just more issues that cost him lots of money, Wonderful sense of humor,
Now to find a counselor in FL, mid west coast, Doing searche and sending them to my son, It is a slow process! Thanks for your posts!