Aa
Here is something that can help you.
Here is something I think that every Person should look at before druging there Child or them Self.
http://www.blockcenter.com/ADD_ADHD/ADHD_Misdiagnosis_Check.html
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/a/adhd/misdiag.htm
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/a/adhd/misdiag.htm
This is just a few there are more .google Misdiagnosed ADHD
I pray this wil help may people .
http://www.blockcenter.com/ADD_ADHD/ADHD_Misdiagnosis_Check.html
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/a/adhd/misdiag.htm
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/a/adhd/misdiag.htm
This is just a few there are more .google Misdiagnosed ADHD
I pray this wil help may people .
COMMUNITY LEADER
Glad to hear that things are going better. He sounds a little bit less stressed.
No, all ADD kids are not the same. Some have more intelligence. Some have been beat down by a system, some have supportive parents (like you), some have started meds, some have just been never diagnosed (much more common with ADD, then ADHD) and thus basically abandoned.
Yes, he is definitely at a point now where relief of stress is important. But what you can do and the counselor can do is to show him and have him practice ways at school to compensate. For example a good writing technique (when he had to do the diary) is to have him quickly draw out (using really simple stick figures) what he think might happen. Then add words to the figures and finally turn that into a story. You practice that by drawing simple cartoons. Of course, boys love action and violence so be prepared.
You also mentioned in school, he would be alone. He shouldn't be. If I knew I had a child with ADD, I would be stopping by his desk to check up on him. And certainly not demanding that he finish his work, but giving him suggestions, confidence, and support. But for a school to do this - they need to also know what is going on with him.
Oh, and another good site I just found is - http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm
Hope these help. Keep in touch!
No, all ADD kids are not the same. Some have more intelligence. Some have been beat down by a system, some have supportive parents (like you), some have started meds, some have just been never diagnosed (much more common with ADD, then ADHD) and thus basically abandoned.
Yes, he is definitely at a point now where relief of stress is important. But what you can do and the counselor can do is to show him and have him practice ways at school to compensate. For example a good writing technique (when he had to do the diary) is to have him quickly draw out (using really simple stick figures) what he think might happen. Then add words to the figures and finally turn that into a story. You practice that by drawing simple cartoons. Of course, boys love action and violence so be prepared.
You also mentioned in school, he would be alone. He shouldn't be. If I knew I had a child with ADD, I would be stopping by his desk to check up on him. And certainly not demanding that he finish his work, but giving him suggestions, confidence, and support. But for a school to do this - they need to also know what is going on with him.
Oh, and another good site I just found is - http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm
Hope these help. Keep in touch!
Thanks. Your comments, as always, are very useful. I have had a meeting with my son's counsellor and she is ordering the book so she can read it. Together, we are going to look at some strategies that could help him. I have already started the homework one with a ten minute timer and he seems happy enough with that. I have also instigated a no watching tv or gaming after 6.30pm. Instead, if there is homework to finish we will attempt at 6.30 for another 10 minutes, then we get a bath and get ready for bed. It is approx 7.45 by this time and then I read a story. Albeit, at the minute I am reading for well over an hour. This does seem to settle him and he is sleeping a little better. It is early days with the homework but I notice that I have to really prompt him. For example, he had to write a diary page in the style of ....... He had to pick a day, sya who was there and what they did. This exercise was like drawing blood out of a stone and we had to do 2 separate sessions each actually lasting 30 mins (he was happy though so he didn't mind). He didn't want to stop after the 10 mins. I had to write it up when we were finished as that was part of the deal and I didn't mind because last year he wouldn't even contemplate it! So, getting back, my question is this, are all ADD children the same? I know it says in the book you will have to spend a lot longer helping them, does this mean prompting and am I ok to do it at this stage so he doen't get too stressed? You see, in school he would be by himself and would just end up with a blank page
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, I went back through all your posts and saw that you were from the UK - so ignore my last questions.
Gonna start with some basic answers to your questions and then try and get more specific to your child (as I re read your posts). I'll probably post to both sites as this may help some of the other people.
You had a very good question, when you asked about rewards. And I must admit, I loved your sons response when he said, "he is not bothered about rewards and can live without them and as he probably will get no stars anyway what's the point!" That is a kid that is being really honest and also someone with pretty good intelligence. And I have seen a number of kids just like him!
That is why that after 37 or so years as a teacher and principal and another 14 or so as a soccer coach - I have never been a big fan of rewards. However, I am a huge fan of noticing success and immediately rewarding it via praise or whatever. I firmly believe that you want to reward success immediately! This means that you have to be watching, communicating, with the child. Typically reward means a bribe to do something. "find Moammar Gadhafi" and you get a million or so bucks. But what if you don't want to find him or don't need the money? Well, somebody may want the money, but the point is that its a bribe and sooner or later, the bride won't work and you have to up the reward.
Ashley suggests the use of rewards as a means of making the point system chart work. All experts say how important it is for kids with AD/HD to "Clearly defined schedules and routines." For a younger child a chart is an important tool. By age 9 or 10, I'm not as sure that it is as important (depending on the severity of the ADHD) as things like reminders via post its, white boards, email, etc. Point being that the use of rewards are a way to make the point system chart work and I think that he is past that age. Plus, he pretty well told you that it won't work.
Speaking of his statement. Its a very sad statement, but common. Unfortunately, he has been beat down enough (probably more through school), that he has begin to give up hope. When he said, "he probably will get no stars anyway what's the point!" That hits it perfectly! I really think for him you have got to start rebuilding his confidence. Ya, gotta start small. His self confidence has been pretty well shattered and it needs to be rebuilt. It won't happen overnight. But it can happen. But I am getting ahead of my self.
You asked, "Is it too late to modify behaviour at 10 as a parent? ie suddenly everything that was expected as a right becomes a reward? It is not too late to modify their behavior. In fact, I would much rather try and change the behavior of a 10 year old then a 6 year old. Mainly because the 10 year old has more control over themselves. Unfortunately, they also have more intelligence and years of manipulating you. The second part of the question is tougher because, ya - what was a right is now not? Normally (and I am getting ahead of myself here, but I don't want you to make any sudden decisions), I would say "its not a right". However, in this case, it seems to be his only escape from a pretty nasty world. I think he needs it. It needs to be monitored. I would definitely make it a point that he does at least one physical activity on the xbox before starting (not bowling) something that makes him move. You may have to buy the pad for that. I would also look into guitar hero if he doesn't already have that (buy headphones for him). By the way, I mention guitar hero because it is instantaneous. Games of strategy can cause kids to loose interest. Even I can do guitar hero (on the very simple level). So no! don't make it a reward (yet).
You asked about changing behavior. Yes! behavior can be changed. It takes immediate, consistent, reinforcement for a period of at least 3 weeks to do so. However! that is if it is a learned behavior. A child with ADHD has behaviors that are not learned, but caused by their brain chemistry. That list would include:
* difficulty sustaining and paying attention to tasks at home or school;
* making careless errors, not following through with tasks or completing instructions;
* being easily distracted;
* look like they aren't listening;
* being easily bored;
* being forgetful, losing things;
* having difficulty organizing tasks, activities, or belongings;
* being fidgety, difficulty remaining seated;
* talking excessively;
* running or climbing about excessively when it is inappropriate to do so;
* having difficulty awaiting his/her turn in a game or activity;
* interrupting or intruding on others;
* avoiding or disliking doing things that take a lot of effort for a long time.
And unless, the child is taking medication, these behaviors are very difficult to change. Thus, all experts say to very carefully choose your fights. There are some things that you need to ignore, must ignore because the child has not control over them. These things can be changed if you take the time to roll play, reinforce the good behavior, and repeat, repeat, repeat. But it has to become literally a part of the childs nature, and that is hard to do. So you pick one behavior that he does appear to have control over and work on that.
I recently found a very good site for parenting kids with adhd. The site is ....
.... http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm
I am pretty much in tune with what they have to say. So far, I would say that the only thing they left out is that when doing the consequences - make sure you don't have too many of them. You need to start with a very few things and then when those are conquered, you add new ones.
That's about it for tonight. I will now go back over your posts and try and make some specific recommendations. Oh, and do reread chapters 8 and 9, particularly chapt. 9. Best wishes!!!
Gonna start with some basic answers to your questions and then try and get more specific to your child (as I re read your posts). I'll probably post to both sites as this may help some of the other people.
You had a very good question, when you asked about rewards. And I must admit, I loved your sons response when he said, "he is not bothered about rewards and can live without them and as he probably will get no stars anyway what's the point!" That is a kid that is being really honest and also someone with pretty good intelligence. And I have seen a number of kids just like him!
That is why that after 37 or so years as a teacher and principal and another 14 or so as a soccer coach - I have never been a big fan of rewards. However, I am a huge fan of noticing success and immediately rewarding it via praise or whatever. I firmly believe that you want to reward success immediately! This means that you have to be watching, communicating, with the child. Typically reward means a bribe to do something. "find Moammar Gadhafi" and you get a million or so bucks. But what if you don't want to find him or don't need the money? Well, somebody may want the money, but the point is that its a bribe and sooner or later, the bride won't work and you have to up the reward.
Ashley suggests the use of rewards as a means of making the point system chart work. All experts say how important it is for kids with AD/HD to "Clearly defined schedules and routines." For a younger child a chart is an important tool. By age 9 or 10, I'm not as sure that it is as important (depending on the severity of the ADHD) as things like reminders via post its, white boards, email, etc. Point being that the use of rewards are a way to make the point system chart work and I think that he is past that age. Plus, he pretty well told you that it won't work.
Speaking of his statement. Its a very sad statement, but common. Unfortunately, he has been beat down enough (probably more through school), that he has begin to give up hope. When he said, "he probably will get no stars anyway what's the point!" That hits it perfectly! I really think for him you have got to start rebuilding his confidence. Ya, gotta start small. His self confidence has been pretty well shattered and it needs to be rebuilt. It won't happen overnight. But it can happen. But I am getting ahead of my self.
You asked, "Is it too late to modify behaviour at 10 as a parent? ie suddenly everything that was expected as a right becomes a reward? It is not too late to modify their behavior. In fact, I would much rather try and change the behavior of a 10 year old then a 6 year old. Mainly because the 10 year old has more control over themselves. Unfortunately, they also have more intelligence and years of manipulating you. The second part of the question is tougher because, ya - what was a right is now not? Normally (and I am getting ahead of myself here, but I don't want you to make any sudden decisions), I would say "its not a right". However, in this case, it seems to be his only escape from a pretty nasty world. I think he needs it. It needs to be monitored. I would definitely make it a point that he does at least one physical activity on the xbox before starting (not bowling) something that makes him move. You may have to buy the pad for that. I would also look into guitar hero if he doesn't already have that (buy headphones for him). By the way, I mention guitar hero because it is instantaneous. Games of strategy can cause kids to loose interest. Even I can do guitar hero (on the very simple level). So no! don't make it a reward (yet).
You asked about changing behavior. Yes! behavior can be changed. It takes immediate, consistent, reinforcement for a period of at least 3 weeks to do so. However! that is if it is a learned behavior. A child with ADHD has behaviors that are not learned, but caused by their brain chemistry. That list would include:
* difficulty sustaining and paying attention to tasks at home or school;
* making careless errors, not following through with tasks or completing instructions;
* being easily distracted;
* look like they aren't listening;
* being easily bored;
* being forgetful, losing things;
* having difficulty organizing tasks, activities, or belongings;
* being fidgety, difficulty remaining seated;
* talking excessively;
* running or climbing about excessively when it is inappropriate to do so;
* having difficulty awaiting his/her turn in a game or activity;
* interrupting or intruding on others;
* avoiding or disliking doing things that take a lot of effort for a long time.
And unless, the child is taking medication, these behaviors are very difficult to change. Thus, all experts say to very carefully choose your fights. There are some things that you need to ignore, must ignore because the child has not control over them. These things can be changed if you take the time to roll play, reinforce the good behavior, and repeat, repeat, repeat. But it has to become literally a part of the childs nature, and that is hard to do. So you pick one behavior that he does appear to have control over and work on that.
I recently found a very good site for parenting kids with adhd. The site is ....
.... http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm
I am pretty much in tune with what they have to say. So far, I would say that the only thing they left out is that when doing the consequences - make sure you don't have too many of them. You need to start with a very few things and then when those are conquered, you add new ones.
That's about it for tonight. I will now go back over your posts and try and make some specific recommendations. Oh, and do reread chapters 8 and 9, particularly chapt. 9. Best wishes!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Quick question cause it makes a difference in my reply about how much a school should have been involved or could be involved.
You mentioned Year 5 - so I would assume that he is some some sort of a British system school in England, Australia, India? If so, what country? Some I have some knowledge of the system and others not so much.
You mentioned Year 5 - so I would assume that he is some some sort of a British system school in England, Australia, India? If so, what country? Some I have some knowledge of the system and others not so much.
Yet again you come to my rescue! Thank you. I cannot begin to tell you how much your help and this site means to me. I really appreciate it. Can I ask one further thing? Is it too late to modify behaviour at 10 as a parent? ie suddenly everything that was expected as a right becomes a reward? I have to say I am a little worried myself. Anyway, it is going to take a good few days for me and my husband to finish and formulate something and as Ashley says, work out rewards and rules with appropriate consequences with our son. By the way, he does have ME too and I think I have said before I am not sure as to whether this is a by-product of ours and the school's failure to treat the ADD. Anyway, I feel like I have a better understanding and am going to do my very best to make sure his life is going to get better. As Ashley herself says, the key is the parents. Now we know this, it is upto us. Many thanks again for your invaluable support. I shall look forward to hearing from you
COMMUNITY LEADER
thanks for posting here. glad I noticed your name, or I might have missed this. I will get back to you. They are very good questions and your sons answers are ones I have seen even in the classroom. But the answers take a bit of time. I'll probably post on both sites. till then.
Hi. I am not sure which site I need to post this on for the best. I have re-read Susan Ashley's book and have started making some notes about things we need to do to help my son. I have organised a meeting with the school and his counsellor that shoud be good but I wanted to ask your advice. Ashley writes about the need for reward charts for behaviour and flash cards too. I am def going to try them once I have finished making some notes for myself (across the next two days) but I am concerned about something: I have spoken with my son and he recognises himself in some of the points she raises and obviously he was sad. I have told him not to worry as there are many boys and girls like him and now we have the book we cab work together to try and make his life a little easier and also now we know how he feels whereas before we didn't understand. My question is this, 'do these children put up opposition to the flash cards and reward charts? Is it something you need to persist with until they realise this is it and this is how it is going to be? Also, my son says he is not bothered about rewards and can live without them and as he probably will get no stars anyway what's the point! Also I suggested as Ashley does in the back of the book that maybe if he gets up, washed and brushes his teeth he could get to go on the xbox. He got very angry and said the xbox was the only good thig in his life and if that was only to be a reward he might as well be dead! HELP!!!!! What do I do? I think this is what Ashley means when she tooks about pooor parenting! The poor parenting comes from not wanting to upset the child any further. WHAT DO I DO???????
COMMUNITY LEADER
I have a few problems with the self serving attitude (and all the products that they are trying to sell) of the first site. However, they do have some very good points about some things that might be mistaken for ADHD.
The second site (in contrast) to the first is much more comprehensive and without some of the bias.
The second site (in contrast) to the first is much more comprehensive and without some of the bias.
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