Aa
4 months pregnant and abused by husband
I'm 25 years old been married for 2 years now. I already have an 2 year old son. And I'm 4 months pregnant with another boy. Yesterday my husband put his hands on me. He got so upset and pushed me out the chair by my throat. Not hurt but I'm hurt mentally. This is his 1st time doing something like this. Just need someone to talk to.
It maybe first but it want be last. He escalated pretty quick to be advanced to such rough assault. Honey, you need to go and not look back!!
I don't think i could say it any better than Eyev.
I hope you don't underestimate your responsibility, and your *capability* to take care of your own and your child(ren)'s well-being
I will say that I came from a dysfunctional home and was groomed to believe that it was okay for me to take abuse, and i had to work on ME to be able to get myself into a relationship that was worthy of myself, or my child. (and i did after escalating abuse from my first late ex husband).
Your husband might be like me. Through no fault of his own, he learned that abuse was normal. He needs help. Like an addict given an "intervention" (like the tv show) a person that is ill equipped to handle anger, must avail themselves to Anger Management therapy. They will learn why they have anger issues. and they can learn how to control themselves. I believe that our loved ones deserve help to become rehabilitated. That requires you (the abused) to recognize that they can insist that he abuser gets the help they need. It will become evident whether an abuser is rehabilitated. Those that are, will learn communication and de-escalation skills, and use them. and those that cannot be rehabilitated, will use anger and force to bend the will of others.
You have to be brave enough to take on the challenge, of making him become accountable, or, like the spouse of an addict, you are not the person that should be with him.
Also, you have a child. Even if you leave him, there's a chance that without Anger Management skills, he will get visitation and abuse your child. Once a child is abused that's a game changer. They will bring that abuse along with them and it will cloud every aspect of their childhood and they will carry the baggage with them, and either choose to be the abuser or become abused.
Heavy huh?
I'm not saying your husband is a bad man, i'm saying he needs help.
My husband is an alcoholic. His ex wife used to get mad when he got drunk and drop him off at the police station. When they separated, and we met, when he got drunk, I got him the help he needed (psychological and drug and alcohol rehabilitation) His ex wife did not know how to get the best out of him. She just hated the alcoholism and the alcoholism just got worse.
Are you the women that can handle this and give him the choice to get himself help? There's lot of help out there. Or are you going to enable him by doing nothing and make it worse? This choice is yours. But your first responsibility has to be to your child. Keep it in mind always. Your child's whole outlook on life can be permanently marred by even one incident of abuse. and abuse, like addiction, is PROGRESSIVE.
Talk this out with a trusted friend, mentor or family member who has a healthy lifestyle, If you don;t have any of those, go to a Women's Shelter and talk to the staff there. There you can plan your next moves 1 An "Intervention" to give him the choice to get help; 2) a safe place to live, 3) an education to provide for your child in the best way possible.
You have many many opportunities and people out there to help , because they care. Don't waste your opportunities. Your child will blame you if you stay. From experience, i can guarantee you that , as a mother, if you allow your child's life to be impacted by abuse, they will blame you (without you ever raising your hand or voice in anger).
I'm here if you need to talk privately as well. God bless you for posting (caring). Continue to be brave. There will be people to assist you (from welfare, to safe houses, to apartments to furniture etc.) YOU ARE NOT ALONE ESHAGREER. never feel alone.
I hope you don't underestimate your responsibility, and your *capability* to take care of your own and your child(ren)'s well-being
I will say that I came from a dysfunctional home and was groomed to believe that it was okay for me to take abuse, and i had to work on ME to be able to get myself into a relationship that was worthy of myself, or my child. (and i did after escalating abuse from my first late ex husband).
Your husband might be like me. Through no fault of his own, he learned that abuse was normal. He needs help. Like an addict given an "intervention" (like the tv show) a person that is ill equipped to handle anger, must avail themselves to Anger Management therapy. They will learn why they have anger issues. and they can learn how to control themselves. I believe that our loved ones deserve help to become rehabilitated. That requires you (the abused) to recognize that they can insist that he abuser gets the help they need. It will become evident whether an abuser is rehabilitated. Those that are, will learn communication and de-escalation skills, and use them. and those that cannot be rehabilitated, will use anger and force to bend the will of others.
You have to be brave enough to take on the challenge, of making him become accountable, or, like the spouse of an addict, you are not the person that should be with him.
Also, you have a child. Even if you leave him, there's a chance that without Anger Management skills, he will get visitation and abuse your child. Once a child is abused that's a game changer. They will bring that abuse along with them and it will cloud every aspect of their childhood and they will carry the baggage with them, and either choose to be the abuser or become abused.
Heavy huh?
I'm not saying your husband is a bad man, i'm saying he needs help.
My husband is an alcoholic. His ex wife used to get mad when he got drunk and drop him off at the police station. When they separated, and we met, when he got drunk, I got him the help he needed (psychological and drug and alcohol rehabilitation) His ex wife did not know how to get the best out of him. She just hated the alcoholism and the alcoholism just got worse.
Are you the women that can handle this and give him the choice to get himself help? There's lot of help out there. Or are you going to enable him by doing nothing and make it worse? This choice is yours. But your first responsibility has to be to your child. Keep it in mind always. Your child's whole outlook on life can be permanently marred by even one incident of abuse. and abuse, like addiction, is PROGRESSIVE.
Talk this out with a trusted friend, mentor or family member who has a healthy lifestyle, If you don;t have any of those, go to a Women's Shelter and talk to the staff there. There you can plan your next moves 1 An "Intervention" to give him the choice to get help; 2) a safe place to live, 3) an education to provide for your child in the best way possible.
You have many many opportunities and people out there to help , because they care. Don't waste your opportunities. Your child will blame you if you stay. From experience, i can guarantee you that , as a mother, if you allow your child's life to be impacted by abuse, they will blame you (without you ever raising your hand or voice in anger).
I'm here if you need to talk privately as well. God bless you for posting (caring). Continue to be brave. There will be people to assist you (from welfare, to safe houses, to apartments to furniture etc.) YOU ARE NOT ALONE ESHAGREER. never feel alone.
Thank you so much for your comment. It is true, your baby does feel and hear what's going on while in the womb, no doubt about it.
I strongly hope you are not in the same or worst situation anymore. When my mother was 6months pregnant of me, my father started to be violent to her. I imprinted with a fear that is a handicap to my well-being, still now at 32, in a life where 'all is fine'. The first impressions of/interactions with the world form the basis of how one stands in life. Probably no need to mention that feelings of safety and trust are to prefer over pain and fear.
I hope you don't underestimate your responsibility, and your *capability* to take care of your own and your child(ren)'s well-being.
Best of wishes!
(Ps. I have never before felt the urge to respond on any question on any forum..)
I hope you don't underestimate your responsibility, and your *capability* to take care of your own and your child(ren)'s well-being.
Best of wishes!
(Ps. I have never before felt the urge to respond on any question on any forum..)
I tried to stay in an abusive relationship that started when I was pregnant with him bending my wrist, and saying something to me I don't remember because of the pain, and the shock of the whole situation. Well eventually, post baby, thinks did get worse, and I stayed because with the help of another family member he agreed to go to counseling. Well in a fight, he was trying so hard to have with out 1 year old following behind us in the room, I asked him to calm down and think about her. I remember in the weirdest slow motion, he said to me, "don't tell me what the 'fudge' to do", and pulled his hand away from mine. He immediately, although, accidentally hit our daughter in the face, and I could have died when her bottom hit the floor. I left that night, and it has never been a decision I regret.
1 Comments
not ok. I know it's hard but you should leave. talk to close friends and family about it.
Can you tell your mom? are you close? or an adult that you are close with?
You need to tell him to go and talk to a therapist about his losing control and hurting you. Abuse usually get's worse. That's why the person commenting said, it might be the first time but it won't be the last. Sorry, but that's true.
He needs help. If he doesn't learn to control himself, he may hurt your boys. or you in front of them. If your boys witness this behavior, and you stay, they think it's okay. Boys usually take after the abuser, rather than the victim, although that happens too.. Sorry, but you have to get your husband to deal with this,, and not let it get buried like it didn't happen. Mostly, the abuser will say it's your fault so they don't have to do anything to fix themselves. (if they can get away with that.) I'm so sorry you're going through this. This happened with my first husband. I had to leave; divorce him and move 3000 miles away to get away from him.
You need to tell him to go and talk to a therapist about his losing control and hurting you. Abuse usually get's worse. That's why the person commenting said, it might be the first time but it won't be the last. Sorry, but that's true.
He needs help. If he doesn't learn to control himself, he may hurt your boys. or you in front of them. If your boys witness this behavior, and you stay, they think it's okay. Boys usually take after the abuser, rather than the victim, although that happens too.. Sorry, but you have to get your husband to deal with this,, and not let it get buried like it didn't happen. Mostly, the abuser will say it's your fault so they don't have to do anything to fix themselves. (if they can get away with that.) I'm so sorry you're going through this. This happened with my first husband. I had to leave; divorce him and move 3000 miles away to get away from him.
Is he drinking or using drugs? Is he under extra stress at work? Has he ever displayed this kind of behavior to others? definately tell someone you know. If this happens again you need to leave. You'll need a place to go and a support system.
You should talk to him. If it happens again perhaps involving someone you trust into the matter
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