8 mo later since i been out

[awesoME87]

So i see a counselor once a week every week i have now for about 8mo. my husband (soon to be ex husband) put me thru soo much!!! its been 8 mo. since i last seen him or talked to him on the phone (tho he texts me about 1 a month or every other month) we have 2 kids in common.. when i was 9 months pregnant he beat me up, an in front of our 5yr old son at that. 2 days later he cheated on me and left me for another girl, which he ended up getting her pregnant(she knew i was married and was pregnant and still contuined to mess with him), 2 months later he left her, thought i would give him another chance, to hold our family together. he ended up pulling a loaded gun to my head in an arguement about the girl he left me for, with the kids in the next room.. i found text messages to other girls saying "he to wild to be married and watches his niece and nephew" (reffering to his kids) i left him for good... tho presentdays i cant seem to shake the resentment feeling i have for the homewreck or my ex. i feel that both should suffer, neither one has own up to the responsibility for what they did, my ex yeah thats expected bcz he selfish and will probably never grow up (tho he talks how he leading this great life, but contuines to put me down) but as for her she just looks for attention and sympathy from her "situation" which she lies and doesnt realize she tore my life up with her selfishness. why should she get all the boohoos its been almost 2year for her. grant it my ex did all the damage to me, an i will forever hate him.. our son he says he doesnt have a daddy, bcz he mean and -he did hurt us an was very neglectful with our kids . and that hurts bcz who will do father son activies (not saying a want my ex back bcz of that just someone new but seems like it would be forever or hard to let someone get close to me..) i try to let all the feelings go, i in no way make conversations with either of them or anything like that. i just hurt...

[PassinThru]

I am not saying that this woman is admirable. Obviously she is far from it. But it is he who is (or was) your problem.

[awesoME87]

your right if it wasnt with her it probably would have been with someone else.. but before anything happened between them she came to my house with my husband and his friend (husband said it was his friends girl) but she new and seen me . married (as i kissed him &obviously 9mo pregnant) she contunied to stay, moved her self in my house bcz she had no where else to go..  (i moved out bcz i could atleast rely on my parents) she is a homewrecker just like he is... ill always feel endangered if he is around, he took our son out of my car just to spite me, not think at all about our children.

[Nighthawk61]

Oops, I'm glad to see that you are seeing a therapist. I hope it's helping to gain perspective and move on, happily. It's quite possible, after all you avoided a disastrous life with this man.

[Nighthawk61]

Some fine day down the road, while you're enjoying yourself in a good relationship, you will thank that little girl for sacrificing herself and getting you out of a really bad situation. The same type of thing happened to me, and he ended up beating his new girlfriend, having a baby, and spending most of his time in jail. I was so happy to be free from it, and found a great man to be a husband, and father to my son. Unfortunately, he passed away from Juvenile Diabetes, and I found another good man, to be in my life. So, it happens, have faith. Thank God you got out from underneath that kind of abuse. Enjoy your life, it's the best revenge you could possibly have. I think you should try to get to a therapist, and learn to let go, and forgive me. I know that sounds strange right now, but hopefully, one day,  you will pity him (from afar) for being such a mess. Be grateful for the little things, and the little people, and you will get over this. You are so lucky to have two children, what a blessing. I know it's tough to take on single motherhood, but it's temporary if that's what you want. There's a good man out there, looking for a family. Have faith.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, in truth I think he lost his rights to parent your kids when he beat you while pregnant in front of one of them.  he's not able to control his temper and I would not grant him anything but supervised visitation.  Ever.  Sadly, you tied yourself to what appears to be a 'bad' dude.  he cheats, he beats.  Two major deal breakers.  Wish you'd have taken the cue earlier on so that two kids don't have to be without a dad but too late now.

Any males in your family that you can have involved in the kids so that they have some male bonding?  Look for support where you can get it but it must be safe.  The ex isn't safe.

he's also unsafe to  you emotionally as you drift back to thoughts of him and anger.  Try to let it go.  You are lucky to not be with him.  any woman he is with now----  well, the joke is on her.  She'll be the one to get beat next.  Pity her for being stuck with this loser.  

Do not get resentful.  You at some point probably saw that he was abusive but stuck with him and made your beautiful babies.  Now just take those babies and be safe.  your responsibilities now are about them and they need to be away from volatility.  

If down the road, if you could afford some type of counseling, I highly recommend it to see what you ignored in this guy that you DON'T want to ignore next time so this never repeats (as abuse is often a cycle and a pattern).  good luck dear.  Wishing you all the best

[PassinThru]

In these breakups it is most often the wife who must bear the responsibility for caring for what is left of her family. Your ex goes off scot free.

But why carry over your animosity to his girlfriend? He is the one who has betrayed you. If it had not been with her, it would have been with another. In fact you found messages to other women. She is not the homewrecker; your ex is.

Now to the gun. Do you feel you are still in danger? If so you had best find a shelter for your and the children. Good luck to you. It is great that you had the sense to leave him.