I am now 25, when I was 15 I started seeing a man 8 years older than me. By the time I was 16 I left home and moved in with him, It didnt take long after that for the abuse to start. I stayed with him until I was 20 years old, I was caught in a cycle and didnt tell anyone what was going on and always made excuses for him. First of all, good on you for ending that bad situation, seriously, it sure isnt easy to get out of. But as I know and how I am guesing you are feeling, is just ending an abusive relationship really doesnt end the emotional hold on the abusive person has on you. I know it is hard but you really need to open up to someone. I suggest going to a free community clinic in your neighbour to see a counselor about everything that happened, that is the only way you will be able to move on in a healthy way.
I agree with AddMos. A counselor will allow you the safety to discuss what happened. I think that when we get out of trauma, for a while we are still in "survival" and cannot even think about what happened because it is so recent and painful. Then as a little bit of time creates distance, a little bit of healing happens, and then we can think of it. That thinking is a sign of having healed just a bit, since if your psyche thought you were not ready to handle it, it would still block you even thinking of it. In that way, your dreams are showing you that you can think of it a little, and that is a good time to start talking to someone about it. The counselor will be neutral and just saying the words will be so helpful. Take the step and find someone to talk to. (((HUGS))) Annie
Thankyou for your help guys but I find stuff like this hard to talk to people about and what if it is my fault what if I deserve it?
A counselor will not make you feel like it is your fault. And can you name one good reason a man should beat a woman several times and break her rib?
Thats an incredibly immature way to talk, youre better than that... if my own experiences mean nothing to you than i dont know why i bothered to open up for your benefit
Im sorry i didn't mean for it to come across like that at all your experiences and the fact you opened up means a lot to me im not trying to be ungrateful and i appreciate your help