Advice ASAP

[kdelaluz]

I came across your website and I guess I don't have no one to talk to. I have a husband of 6 years and he can be really mean to me. I have 3 wonderful girls. I want to leave him sometimes because of the things he says and does to me and my girls. When I think of leavin him I feel guilty of the good times we have had together just us together and then with our kids. I really love him alot! I don't know what to do! My family don't care about me. I don't have no one to turn to and if I leave him no where to go... I don't know what to do. I am stuck in a world of beatings and everything you can possibly think of... I am 21 years old and in desperate need of advice please email me back

[allmymarbles]

You are 21 years old and have three children. I presume you didn't finish school and have no work skills. That is half the reason you find yourself in this mess. If you had been able to get yourself a decent job, you probably wouldn't be putting up with his abuse. Sad to say, men tend to respect women who put money in the till.

Assuming he is not homicidal, why not go back to your parents, or someone in your family you feel close to? Can you get state aid for yourself and your children? Does your state provide job training, or aid in furthering your education? Another thought. If you leave him you could take him to court for child support. You have many options.

If, on the other hand, he is dangerous, you could to a battered women's shelter, where you will find help.

[kenneltech]

My goodness, was this guy accused of child molestation when you and he were dating???  You are only 21 and been married six years and already have three kids?  What a mess.

Get out, if not for you, then for your kids.  They will grow up angry and afraid and end up being abusers themselves because this is all they have been taught.  You can talk to them until you are blue in the face, but this is what they see, this is what their taught, and mommie doesn't do anything, therefore, it's alright.

Go to a battered women's shelter, they will care for all o f you there, and wipe that "guilt" crap off of your mind, that's what he hopes for, that you'll stay.  He's probably "real nice and sweet" after a beating, too!


Get out, this is NOT love, it is controlling, and he's a freak.

[teko]

You are only 21, have 3 children and married 6 years? No wonder you cannot see a way out. I agree with rockrose, call a shelter, but you must want to do this or it will not work. You are probably co dependent as well so you will need to be strong and let the shelter help you find your way out.

[RockRose]

Call this battered women's shelter in your area and ask for help.  They will guide you.  

You are caught up in a world where you think there is no escape,  and that occasional good times with him should cause you to feel guilty for leaving him.

You have a very,  very distorted view of what you should expect from a relationship,  and what your rights are.

Call these people.

http://sistercare.com/

[margypops]

My opinion is that at least for the children you go and seek help,they will tell you to leave it is not good for children to be in or around him, seek out professionals who will tell you its absolutly no use them 'having a good side ' and how can you be good to children when you abuse their mother, trust me they will grow up with many issues that you will have allowed to happen .So seek advice , tell them what you have said here ...good luck

[shaz853]

I too am sorry this happening to you and i am in a similiar situation although the abuse i get is emotional abuse and i understand why you don't leave i don't leave either and i won't because my partner has a good side and he loves me and is very good to our children, i suffer from depression and argraphobia and he helps me alot. I think though if the abuse was in front of my children or if he was hitting me all the time i would leave. The only reason i stay with my partner is because he has admitted he is wrong and is trying to control his temper. There are people who can help, i too have no family support or friends apparently its our partners and husbands that make it that way, but i have a great social worker and therapist who help me and a woman who helps people who suffer domestic violence she helps me even though i stay in the relationship so there is help out there, so please talk to someone.

[margypops]

I am so sorry this is happening to you, you can send a PM (private message) to anyone here, there is no easy way, you have to think of you rchildren and put them before your own feelings, they are innocents here, it will damage them if they continually see and hear you being abused so I have to tell you, that you should leave , unless he wanted to get help, real help for his anger and problems and I doubt that ,, he will never change and you and your children will suffer .There are many shelters out there ,you google where you are living and put in Womens shelter ' no I dont think its love that would make you stay with this kind of man, maybe a need in you however for the sake of the children ....leave , call child services for help.No excuses there is help out there do it ASAP