Am I being abused?

[Gigglypants]

I'm a 17 year old female. My godfather is 38 years old. Ever since I was a freshman in highschool he takes me out to the movies or out to eat. His wife doesn't know. He wants to keep it a secret from her so he makes me do it too. When we go out to the movies he drops me off at home at like 2am. He let's me drink in front of him but no one else. He has drank with me too. He got me drunk and I'm pretty sure he touched me. He likes to lay right next to me and put his arm around me. He likes to pull me over and sit on his lap and won't let me go when I try to pull away. He gives me full body massages and it makes me uncomfortable. He lies to his wife and my mom and makes me lie too about him spending time with me. He even had me spend the night with him when his wife wasn't home. My godfather loves to take me shopping and by me clothes except he only buys me things he thinks I look sexy in. He buys them so when I wear them it pleasures him. He buys me yoga pants, bras and thongs. Sometimes he asks me to model the thongs he baught me. He wants to see what I look like in them. He is always calling and texting me and never stops. He gets mad when I don't answer him. He really touchy with me. And he sends me pictures of nude people. He also says things to me like you look delicious, or you look sexy and hot. He tells me he has dreams about me and he tells me his sex life he has with his wife. He told me if he wasn't married he would b with me. He knows I've been sexually abused and raped before so I don't know why he acts this way with me. Is he being inappropriate with me? Is this abuse? Someone help me so I can go help myself by turning him in or saying something about it. I need to know what you think about this because I don't want to tell someone about this if it's normal or whatever.

[Nighthawk61]

Every time that you allow this abuse, you are allowing this man to destroy your self worth and confidence more and more. You must know dear, on some level that this man's behavior is NOT right!!! You need to talk to someone about this. Where are your parent's when you are going out to see this man? Do they know how much time you're spending alone with him? I understand that your parent's are the one that have chosen him to be your God parent, but are they aware of any of what you've told us?? I think you need to talk to a counselor at school immediately, and see what they have to say about all of this. The will be able to help you talk to your parent's about this

You're a beautiful young lady, and you need to be treated with dignity, and not suffer at the hands of this disgusting gross excuse of a man. It will affect you in terrible ways if you do not put an end to this now. Please save yourself from the heartache, of doing nothing about this, NOW!!!

You can talk to me about this personally, if you can. I may be able to help!!!

Liz

[margypops]

well put Rockrose and so true ...respect yourself  he doesnt respect you for sure .

[RockRose]

I want to add,  that the reason I'm speaking this harshly is because I was once like you.

I didn't have the brass to stand up for myself,  who knows why,  and as a result had to squirm and worm out of situations where men would put their hands on me.  I had to learn,  by watching other girls reactions to that kind of thing,  that it was completely off-base of me not to recoil very quickly,  put a stop to it,  and carry myself in a way that other men would realize I wasn't available for inappropriate sexual touching or behavior.

You have to do that too.  You have to stop calling yourself gigglypants,  and you have to carry yourself in a way you see other girls do - in a way that is friendly and approachable and caring,  but that makes it CLEAR that they are not available as a victim.

[RockRose]

I'm not saying it's your fault,  I'm saying you're not trapped into this.  For some reason,  you're not able to socially disentangle yourself from this at the first hint of inappropriate behavior.

It doesn't matter that his wife was a "security guard".  She's not a mafia hit man,   with a contract out on you.  She's your grandmother.

This is how sexual abusers work.  They "test out" several possible victims,  and get rebuffed very quickly by almost all of them.  Then they find some who don't put up any resistance whatsoever,  and who will in fact COVER for their inappropriate behavior,  and they choose them as victims.

That's you.  Someone who,  when he attempted the first few "test" inappropriate behaviors,  you didn't resist at all.  And now you're in this relationship.

Put a stop to it.  I promise your grandmother won't take out a contract on you.

And in the future,  when you feel like someone is behaving inappropriately,  immediately stiffen up and resist.  

[margypops]

Yup totally inapropiate behavior   have no more to do with him and tell your parents .

[thatquietgirl]

She's not trying to say it's all your fault, hon, but you are giving him power.  If you say no and mean it, walk toward that door and out if you need to to protect yourself, you end his illusion of having power.  Get out that door and run down the streets yelling if you have to to get attention and help if he tries to persist.

He is a pervert, sick-minded.  He is to blame.  You're just giving him power, and I think that is all RockRose is trying to get at.  Even though it doesn't seem like it right now, you have all the power to put a stop to this.  So, please, tell your parents and avoid going to spend time with him.  If he tries anything after you tell your parents, report him to the police.  Heck, I'd report him to the police as soon as you get a chance, perhaps even before you tell your parents in case they decide to try to brush this under the rug and ignore it.  He needs to be registered as a sex offender.  You are a minor.  He is abusing you and making you do things you don't want to.

[Gigglypants]

well i was just looking for advice not a comment on how this is my fault and that  i should have tried to get myself out of this mess. All im asking is for some support and strength to get through this. What makes this situation even harder is that his wife was a security gaurd.

[RockRose]

He doesn't have control over you.  

You've decided to give him control.  

Most  girls would have called 911 at the first sniff of this sexual abuse.  

There are girls who will willingly submit to abuse, and girls who won't.  

Sadly,  actually,  I'm kind of in your camp.  When I was a teenager I would have submitted to abuse also.  

[Gigglypants]

thats been my nickname since middle school. we got them in gymnastics so im not going to drop it. Its not like i try and do it myself, this man has control over me right now, so its really hard knowing what he could and will do to me when he feels i have torn his family apart my turning him in.

[RockRose]

Gigglypants,  can you drop that really silly name?  

You know this whole thing is wrong.  

Tell your mother that he is doing this.  You don't have to go out with this older man,  and let him buy you sexualized clothing.

You know this.  Other girls your age,  who you know, wouldn't be doing this.  Don't do it yourself.  

[Gigglypants]

Thank you so much. For so long I new this was wrong I was just lost in finding what to do about it. And now you've answered my question.

[thatquietgirl]

Tell your parents about this.  Don't go over there and go to your room and lock the door or go for a walk if he's over to visit your family.  This is NOT appropriate behavior at all.