Bad Memories and Confusion Part 2

[Collegebeauty22]

Well I just posted on here about a situation with a friend that brought back really bad feelings and things from when I was molested as a child. Well to make matters worse today I saw my molestor. He comes to my house from time to time to get my dad to do car work for him.  I am never comfortable when he is around.  I feel as if they (my parents and him) don't care that I get really tense around him. Its like they don't ever bring it up to talk to me and they never did. It's like some big family secret or something. Like I remember when they finally found out they asked me what all had happened and I only told them some of it like the things about his "sit-down games" or the pornography he would draw (my cousin was an artist) and force me to do what I saw in the pictures ...It was horrible! I told them about Barney to..My cousin knew I like Barney as a kid and the whole thing started by him telling me to "use my imagination" He was fixing my shirt and then he went under that shirt to fix my "imaginary shirt"... So much I never told my parents about the days he took me in his room or what would happen up my grandparents house and the only way they even found out was through my babysitter (another cousin) and it sucked for them because they were out on a date the night that they got the call to come back home and it was urgent... It like now I am older and the feelings from it still haunt me and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the memories and the feelings I get. Like today when my cousin started talking to me and then pretending to play punch me I tensed up and felt really paranoid and guilty when he left. Then there's the cologne he wears and whenever I smell it I get nauseous and then I am flooded with bad memories...I don't know what to do about this feeling...The experience friday and the fact that my cousin cam e over today is really getting to me and distracting my life....I don't know what to do

[ILADVOCATE]

You don't have to accept this. Speak to your psychiatrist but to your family as well. Under no circumstances should he come to the house. Some things are "family conflicts" or "forgive and forget" but as with that crime, child sexual abuse laws now apply retroactively. I don't know legal specifics but I would find out if I were you. There are counseling centers for women who have been abused. And they can advise you of your rights. At this point in recovery, you may not be ready to go forward with pressing charges. But when things are stable I would. Something like that is unforgivable. But whatever you do, make sure to find out your legal rights including at the very least a restraining order. Even if they feel he should be part of the family, that should not be their decision. You are in the right and in allowing him around they are in the wrong. If he doesn't even realize what he did years ago was wrong then I don't have any sympathy for him whatsoever and neither should they.

[RockRose]

Collegebeauty - I went and read your profile.  It sounds like you are going through a very hard time,  on many fronts.

What does your therapist suggest about these encounters?  

I would think that it is important,  during this time where you are really struggling,  to keep yourself out of difficult situations.  For example,  if an old guy  friend/boyfriend wants to get together,  keep it in a public area where nothing uncomfortable for you  will happen.   A group gathering,  a restaurant,  etc.

I really don't understand your family welcoming your abusive cousin in their home especially while you are there - but since that is happening,  I would suggest keeping yourself distant and not becoming involved with punch play fights with him.  

What does your therapist say about this?   If you haven't discussed these encounters with your therapist,  please do.  It sounds like you need guidance.

Best wishes.