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1331083 tn?1285912354

Bad mother

I know this is strong .How do i stop HATING my mother for being such a awfull mother! and she still is i have kid's now and she dosen't even care abt them.She cares abt no one but herself and that is the way it has been my entire life.What would other ppl do in my  situation?  
15 Responses
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1461172 tn?1286519016
i am so sorry to hear this.. i have problems with my mother aswell, and for me to make peace with my self i forgave her for being a bad and neglectfull parent, but i dont think anything will ever help with her not caring about any one but her self.. i know its a hard thing to do.. but the best thing you can do for you and your kids, is move on and hope she comes around. good luck
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Avatar universal
There is a fine line between love and hate, and my guess is there is more hurt there than hate or it would not bother you that she has nothing to do with your children. People are who they are and you cannot change her anymore than she can change you. Without knowing the particulars it is hard to give any advice other than a general answer but some things that come to my mind would be, does your mother work? how much free time does she have, etc. Keeping in mind that the roll of grandmothers having idle time to bake cookies with the grandkids is diminished in the times we live in. For example, I work, am a grandmother of 18 and see three of them that live in this state on a regular basis. The rest are not near me and due to having to still work for a living have little time to be the traditional grandmother that comes to ones mind. So, would need more details of what you mean. :)
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1457315 tn?1288459746
1.  Keep communications tof all kinds to a bare minimum
2. Downplay your success and achievements
3.Turn your hurt and negative emotions into positive energy

Three steps to keep negativity away from you from "jessica Hopkins"

I have a jealous mother and she only thinks of herself.  I feel for you.  I am in Arlington Texas so Howdy, girl.
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757137 tn?1347196453
Why waste your emotion on hate? Just stay away from her. Look to the future, not the past, especially when the past is ugly.
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1331083 tn?1285912354
Hi there.Well my mother does not work she drink's all the time amongst other thing's. The last guy she hooked up with was Off the computer and come to find out he had murdered his wife spent time in prison for it and got his daughter preg,oh and was having sex with the dead wife claims he didn't know she was dead until he saw the foam coming from her mouth.As a child i grew up with nothing but pervert's around and my mother treating me like cinderalla.I was having sex with a man in his30's when i was abt 11 and she didn't care and i was to stupid to know any better this pervert had watched me grow up from abt age 2 till 11 and then that started so if u need more info i have a book i could write on this she is a pile of crap and we only live abt a hour and a ahlf away from her.Someone had said if i didn't care i wouldn't be worried abt her not comunacating with my kid's well i really don't care if she does or dosen't it was just another point to what a awful person she is.All wk threw the week's of my life with her she had tom **** and hairyy's over for all nite noise making sex omg awful.so there is more of the story only a little more!!!!
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757137 tn?1347196453
Keep away from your mother and definitely keep your kids away from her. Treat her as a disease. Now is the time to walk away from the past and get on with your life.
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Avatar universal
After your sharing a little more about what went/goes on, then it is easy to advise you. Stay away and by all means keep your kids away from her. It does not sound like she has anything to offer in which any good would come out of it. In fact it sounds to me like in order to protect yourself and your children, you need to do just that, walk forward and dont look back.
Your mother sounds like a messed up individual and there is nothing you can do to help her, but you can protect yourself by breaking that awful cycle. You can show your children what a mother should be. How in the world did she stay out of jail all this time. It hurts to not have the life that you so wish you had and dream of for your kids. You survived in spite of her and so will your children. Im sorry, but it takes more than getting pregnant to be a mother. Sounds like you never had one. For that I am sorry. It is truly sad!
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1331083 tn?1285912354
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post!The advise you all have given has been very helpfull!I have cut the contact wit my mother abt 3 mo ago.Everything is soo much better without te evilness of my mother it seem's like a weight lifte since ihave sto talking to her.She had made the cmment last time i did talk to her abt she would donate all her money to the animal shelter when she dies an since she said that i know ths sound's bad but ifeel like i deseirve the money  considering al he hell i have went thru with her and me being the only child anyway i guess it's jst the way it is so no need to worry abt it  she is just a bitter hateful person just to een bing that upsow's some what of a mean person she is."ANYWAY"Thank u for all your support and if anyone else has any advise please feel freeto give it.Ktty  
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Avatar universal
First thing is stop calling her your mother. This woman was never a mother to you, all she did was give birth. You sound like you turned out to be a caring person in spite of "her" and all of her neglect. I am glad you have cut off contact with "her" because she doesn't deserve to be around you or your children and you and the children will be much better off.
You have survived in spite of her treatment and that has made you a better person and mama...you learned the hard way what NOT to do or say to your own kids.
Good luck and God Bless.
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Avatar universal
I also wanted to say,,.start out by feeling sorry for her. Look at the time she wasted by not being a loving mother to you, it's her loss. Maybe if you feel pity for the B%@#H it will later turn to forgiveness and you can stop hating her. Hate is a waste of your time and energy and will eat you up.
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Avatar universal
Care from a distance, stay away because everytime you are around her, it will just justify your feelings all over again.  My mother was worse that "Mommie Dearest" x 10!  I learned as I got older that the only one that suffered from all my hate, was me.  She could care less what I thought, so I put my energy that I was using up hating her into trying to be the best mother I could be to my daughter and forget about her.  Trust me, she isn't thinking about you or your kds, and probably doesn't care if you hate her or not.

Learn to hate the behavior and forgive the person.  And move on, if she treats your kids bad, then why subject them to this kind of behavior anyway??  Kids are NOT stupid, and you of all people should know that.  Tell your kids when they get old enough that grandma is too busy.  I wouldn't elaborate, let them find out for themselves when they get old enough.  BE A BIGGER PERSON THAN SHE IS, and stop wasting your time and energy on hate.

Is this a hard thing to do?  DAMN STRAIGHT, we all feel that we are supposed to respect our elders and love our mothers.  But I have found that even parents have to earn respect, it isn't an entitlement.  Some people just weren't meant to have kids.  Good luck to you.
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1331083 tn?1285912354
I have been reading all your post thank u so much!Some of my spelling was really off i guess i didn't look bk over what i wrote.She called sat and said in the most undescriable way that she loved me and was sorry and why did i hate her so much nothing but her rod and reel (sp) so fake i didn't answer her and just kinda sat on the phone my 3 yr old was still up (love of my life) she was doig what 3yr old's do so i was telling her no stop this that etc..so my mother say's are u going to talk to me or are u going to talk to natalie my 3 yr old that did it for me im done.My husband is changing the # just makes me want to puke such a bitter women and she feel's sooo sorry for herself unreal.And yes growing up the way i did taught me so much abt being a mother 2 my children i can't even imagine having diffrent men over drinking drugin etc..i just want to thank u all again all the advice was great and has helped alot thank u.Kitty  
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1092854 tn?1292620351
I cant say I totally understand ur pain, but my mom treats me like I dont matter. I started to see thing about my mom and so I told her how she made me feel. I was raped just last year, she told me it was my fault for being raped. She turned it once more on me. So I cut all talk with her. whats helped me is there is a page on Face book called Emerging from Broken she also has a blog its helped me so much. I have been molested, abuse by my ex for 10 + yrs, stalked, raped, health prbs and a family that dont care at all. hope you can check out the blog or EFB on FB. Like someone said there is that fine line of hate and hurt and I totally understand we are hurting or it wouldn't bother us. But it is ok to be angry for what they have done it helps in healing. If u do have FB my name on there is Nicole Anne Beals. Good luck and your not alone. take care ur in my prayers
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1436083 tn?1291465361
I reckon the first step to your healing process is to learn to forgive your mom. As bad as it sounds, as horrible as she has been, as hard as it is, please forgive her. Not for her sake, but for your own sake. It will help you let go of all the emotions and hurt that you feel. Mind you, it's a very long process, but you'll be better for it.

A lot of people don't understand the difference between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness has to do with the past, and trust to do with future behaviour. For example, you know she's the way she is, you wouldn't put your children in danger by leaving them with her over the weekend would you? Because you don't trust her, who would?

But for yourself, your children and your future relationships especially with women in general, you have to forgive her. Because these things have a way in coming back to bite you.

As for her calling to make amends, it's hard, but hear her out, and let her know the way you feel about her, tell her of the things you remember from when you were younger, let her know how hurt you are, and how difficult it will be to just let her into your life, she DOES know what she did, what the prolly doesn't know, is how deeply they hurt you, so tell her, I find that when you tell people how upset and hurt you are without shouting or swearing or snide tones, or even sarcastic words, just telling then straight up, in a calm and collected way often drives the message home deeper.
I pray that God helps you, because only by His grace are we able to let go. x
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Avatar universal
Awesome advice! Your right! The best revenge is forgiveness.....It takes all their power away over us.
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