all while risking ridicule, threats, and negativity....im reaching out here
I think i might be abusing my 2 year old daughter, and i think i was using stress, living environment, anger problem, anxiety/depression, or her outrageous and stubborn behavior to excuse my anger problem and lashing out....wrong of me i know, and the epiphany hit me when i ask her to do something last night, and when she said no, as i started walking in that direction (for the first time NOT mad...just to pick up her toys) she ran, hit her but and said "dont spank me" and started crying....maybe everyone else telling me i was a horrible parent and that my short temper was abusive was actually correct, and i blinded myself to it because i saw what amazing and loving behavior i could show too.....
thats where i draw the line.....im a single mom and my ex used to abuse me and im NOT going to let myself do it to my daughter.....i do raise my voice alot, and when she repeatedly tells me no, have been spanking her....when she cusses at me or calls me names i would flick her next to the mouth, and when touching something i assumed she knew better and would pop her on the hand.....
i stayed awake all night crying hoping maybe its not to late for her, and me, to have a positive change....not only do i want the change, but i want it PERMANENT and effective....i need a way to not only quit the yelling and spanking, but effectively discipline her, and reverse whatever negative effects i have had on her mind....i dont want her scared, i dont want her taken away, and i dont want her to hate me later.....i dont want to be "that mom" that ends up bruising her child when she goes overboard one night.....
i was also an alcoholic, but havent had a drop for 3 weeks, and im not tempted to either...it was workplace drinking, and looking back, yes i have been less aggressive, but still WAY out of line and i dont know what to do...
also would like to take away these rushing thoughts of being the worlds worst mother and stop from hating myself
ideas?
Your daughter is young and I'm sure if you change your behaviours now there will be minimal damege.
I'm not sure about the US but here in Australia we have classes you can sign up for called "Effective Parenting" these classes teach you strategies and other means of disciplining your children rather than using physical punishment.
Hopefully someone who lives in the US will know if there are the same sort of classes there.
In the meantime just keep your focus on how much you love your daughter,and when your buttons are being pushed count to 10 and try to relax before dealing out discipline.
Good Luck and take care.
Remember our children are precious