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Dunno if I was abused

Hey everyone. I'm 16.I think I've been abused. Not penetrative but I was made to touch the private parts of my abuser. She used to play sick games with me. We'd "cuddle" under the bed and she'd press herself all over me on the name of being affectionate. I even remember a really creepy fantasy she made me enact on the name of playing out "scenarios"
This happened when I was 9/10. Ironically this was the same age where I started masturbating without knowing what it was. Just humping. And again I remember these two incidents but at times I feel like whatever I went through doesn't deserve all the fuss I give it.

I've discovered one thing. I never get wet. I've been in 2 relationships. And the only time I get wet is when they go down or finger me.I'm a virgin. I never get wet even when I'm masturbating. Clitoral stimulation doesn't get me wet even a bit.
Even if this is normal, I've had these weird fantasies of being mistreated. It's not in a healthy way. I almost feel the need to be commanded all the time.
I just want to know why. I also have this freakish tendency of checking where my things are. When I'm outside I check to see if my phone is there in my purse so often. I imagine these terrifying scenarios where my loved ones die. I lose my temper with my mom almost all the time. My family is screwed up too

I really don't know at times if I've been putting names to nothing or I'm just confusing myself. Btw I have to see that abuser girl almost everyday.

I'm just confused.
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