Aa
Emotional Abuse and how bad it can hurt
Anyone out there ever experienced extreme emotional abuse to the point where , you actually question , do I deserve this or am I causing these people to hurt me in my life , ... to make things a bit clearer I was with a very emotionally abusive man for many years 16yrs .. and he checked out but not really, says terrible things to me , he says he has moved on that he hates me the thing is i did nothing to deserve the extreme hate he is my legal husband but I don't think of him as a husband because he never was[supportive or financially supportive in any way
So do I cause this kind of chaos in my life because ,something to me is better then nothing ? my self esteem was damaged yrs ago .. I am a trauma survivor, I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 4 years old , my dad was an abusive man , well he never cared about me on any level , really , and my mom left when I was a kid , but did return to my life as i got older , I am now happy to have her and she is a testament that people can change..
I have always been in abusive relationships but this was I thought was my last I did everything to make him happy I thought now I am trying to learn to live alone at 49 and I am having a hard time, I don't want to let someone treat me so badly , we have 1 life and I think I deserve to live in healthy from now on , but how do I do that ?
Help
So do I cause this kind of chaos in my life because ,something to me is better then nothing ? my self esteem was damaged yrs ago .. I am a trauma survivor, I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 4 years old , my dad was an abusive man , well he never cared about me on any level , really , and my mom left when I was a kid , but did return to my life as i got older , I am now happy to have her and she is a testament that people can change..
I have always been in abusive relationships but this was I thought was my last I did everything to make him happy I thought now I am trying to learn to live alone at 49 and I am having a hard time, I don't want to let someone treat me so badly , we have 1 life and I think I deserve to live in healthy from now on , but how do I do that ?
Help
Thanks for this excellent information!! There is lots of good stuff there.
I would really like to read you information on what to ask an attorney as well!
I am very thankful for this site!
Shelly
I would really like to read you information on what to ask an attorney as well!
I am very thankful for this site!
Shelly
In my next email to you, I will give you some information I learned recently on what questions to ask every lawyer you meet in shopping for your divorce lawyer. I tried to include it in this most recent email, but it exceeded the number of characters allowed. I just want you to know I haven't forgotten. Kathy
There are Domestic Violence Women's Help Centers all around the country. Their services are free. They also provide secret safe housing to victims and their children which only they know where they are in existence. Only a victim can end up giving out that information, and then that housing is ruined for the rest of the victims being housed there too. So it is a must that you work with the Women's Help Center in secret and loyalty and never give out a Safe-House location, ever. Look into this through your phone book, contact your local welfare office if you see no listings, and if still no luck, call a mental health facility or your local hospital for assistance. You can also contact your police dept. for the number. If still no number is gotten, look up theDVWHC, or anything there of, through Switchboard.com. Don't give up easily.
Your community mental health center offers counseling using a sliding-scale payment arrangement. By this I mean, if you are determined fully financially independent and able to pay the full fees, that is what you would be expected to pay. If you are only able to pay a little, then that is what they will expect. If you are really scraping the bottom financially, your counseling services would be free. They use a formula to determine where you are on the sliding scale. So never turn your back on getting counseling for yourself because you don't feel you could ever afford it.
IKrashing--Do you let your husband inside your home? I suggest that you keep your doors locked at all times, even a deadbolt, and when he comes, don't answer the door even when he knows you are at home. Also get that PFA. If the car is still in your driveway, then have a locksmith come make another key. Or contact the car dealer for a new key, and have the bill sent to your husband. You have every right to use you car. From here on out Never let him get into your belongings. NEVER let him inside your house. He can scream and carry on OUTSIDE your door. But you can go to the back of the house, or turn up your music so you don't hear a word he is saying.
Abusers are bullies. They do whatever works for them. Now you have this power to start turning the tables on him. You need to start setting up boundaries around yourself. You know, like farmers set up boundaries for their cattle using fences. For your telephone, change your number and make it unlisted.
Abusers take away your power, as long as they can. Now that you are at least into your own home, this is your chance to begin healing yourself. Get into counseling as soon as possible.
You can begin meeting people by attending a church of your choice, a job, volunteering at your local hospital as an aid ( a very nonstressful position), or volunteering at the local Area for the Aging, or the Chamber of Commerce. They always need people to fold and stuff envelopes, empty trash cans, answer the phones. You can contact the American Red Cross to volunteer for the same types of jobs as I listed. People I know absolutely love their volunteer work. One, you pick the hours, two you select what you feel most comfortable doing. But most of all you will meet a wonderful bunch of people who are friendly, supportive, and fun to be around. If you don't like it for some reason, you are free to quit whenever you want and go do something else you think you would prefer. You are treated with dignity and respect.
Shelly--You have a really rough position to be in, especially as you are seeing the increase in domestic abuse against chronically ill patients. It is very important for chronically ill patients who are being abused to get into counseling as I have mentioned above. They need to know that their illness is not their fault, or that the illness indicates they have some kind of character flaw, or that this is something they caused. Like Diabetes, Cancer, Lupus, and other diseases, not one person has asked for this to happen to them.
Those who abuse their family do it because the CAN. They are non other than bullies. The school systems are seeing this in greater numbers because the kids are learning this behavior at home. Either they are being bullied by others, or they are are wittnessing it in the home and believe it is "normal", or the kids are our new generation of Sociopaths.
Adult abusers are not mentally ill in the sense that they cannot help themselves. They know when and who with to turn it off and on. They are making conscious choices. (They may be Sociopaths). Likely they will refuse any counseling, as life for them is how they see and want it, and they don't want anyone telling them differently.
So it returns to the victims. It is they who must change their thought patterns, and build their self esteem, and create healthy boundaries that protect them from unhealthy people, and get rid of the people who abuse them, and surround themselves with people who care, and treat them with respect and dignity. As simple as this seems, it is far from simple. (Try to teach a bird to meow. Try to teach a cat to bark). This is only an example of how hard it is for a victim to change. It may take her a lifetime. It won't happen overnight, or a week, or a year. She cannot just "pull herself up by her bootstraps". She needs intensive counseling and maybe medications as well.
It is also important for the health professional to understand if the victim has lived a life of abuse. She learned by what she lived growing up, and picked the man she did because his behavior is all she had known and was "comfortable by famiarity" with. That is how she ends up in these relationships. The nice, clean cut, loving, caring, gems are not what she ever understood, thus she feared. Like moving the world, she has to completely relearn her life skills, attitudes, beliefs. This is why in many families, the cycles of abuse continue through the generations. Once in awhile a member manages to break away reasonably unphased. But victims are harmed and hurt, mentally, psychologically, physically, emotionally, sexually. Nobody on this earth has a right to lay a finger on another person without her permission, and no victim ever is the fault of those who brought harm to her.
We live in a society that teaches girls to be good, obedient, not make waves, not slap a kid for shoving her, be ladylike, turn the other cheek, etc. Thus she has been set up to be a victim in our society. And the bullies spot their targets easily. Be they still in elementary school or out of college and into successful careers.
Schools are needed to teach children how to behave healthily between each other, for which they are finally starting to do. But they need to start digging deeper into bullies backgrounds, as children at school, and find out what is happening at their homes. Unless one is dealing with a sociopathic kid, kids don't usually bully at school without reasons.
So shelly, I certainly empathize with your position. I have walked in the victims shoes and I am 63 years old and still trying to land on my feet in complete mental health. It has been a lifetime experience of what your patients also suffer. I care so much about the best care a victim can get to get back on her feet as soon as she can. And I care so much about our country of children who have so little say in their lives, much less value. This is why I write in this column. This is why I try to throw a lifeline to each and every person who is suffering, to help them along their journey to health. I am also a nurse. I hope this has helped you in dealing with your patients and understanding better where they are coming from. Kathy
Your community mental health center offers counseling using a sliding-scale payment arrangement. By this I mean, if you are determined fully financially independent and able to pay the full fees, that is what you would be expected to pay. If you are only able to pay a little, then that is what they will expect. If you are really scraping the bottom financially, your counseling services would be free. They use a formula to determine where you are on the sliding scale. So never turn your back on getting counseling for yourself because you don't feel you could ever afford it.
IKrashing--Do you let your husband inside your home? I suggest that you keep your doors locked at all times, even a deadbolt, and when he comes, don't answer the door even when he knows you are at home. Also get that PFA. If the car is still in your driveway, then have a locksmith come make another key. Or contact the car dealer for a new key, and have the bill sent to your husband. You have every right to use you car. From here on out Never let him get into your belongings. NEVER let him inside your house. He can scream and carry on OUTSIDE your door. But you can go to the back of the house, or turn up your music so you don't hear a word he is saying.
Abusers are bullies. They do whatever works for them. Now you have this power to start turning the tables on him. You need to start setting up boundaries around yourself. You know, like farmers set up boundaries for their cattle using fences. For your telephone, change your number and make it unlisted.
Abusers take away your power, as long as they can. Now that you are at least into your own home, this is your chance to begin healing yourself. Get into counseling as soon as possible.
You can begin meeting people by attending a church of your choice, a job, volunteering at your local hospital as an aid ( a very nonstressful position), or volunteering at the local Area for the Aging, or the Chamber of Commerce. They always need people to fold and stuff envelopes, empty trash cans, answer the phones. You can contact the American Red Cross to volunteer for the same types of jobs as I listed. People I know absolutely love their volunteer work. One, you pick the hours, two you select what you feel most comfortable doing. But most of all you will meet a wonderful bunch of people who are friendly, supportive, and fun to be around. If you don't like it for some reason, you are free to quit whenever you want and go do something else you think you would prefer. You are treated with dignity and respect.
Shelly--You have a really rough position to be in, especially as you are seeing the increase in domestic abuse against chronically ill patients. It is very important for chronically ill patients who are being abused to get into counseling as I have mentioned above. They need to know that their illness is not their fault, or that the illness indicates they have some kind of character flaw, or that this is something they caused. Like Diabetes, Cancer, Lupus, and other diseases, not one person has asked for this to happen to them.
Those who abuse their family do it because the CAN. They are non other than bullies. The school systems are seeing this in greater numbers because the kids are learning this behavior at home. Either they are being bullied by others, or they are are wittnessing it in the home and believe it is "normal", or the kids are our new generation of Sociopaths.
Adult abusers are not mentally ill in the sense that they cannot help themselves. They know when and who with to turn it off and on. They are making conscious choices. (They may be Sociopaths). Likely they will refuse any counseling, as life for them is how they see and want it, and they don't want anyone telling them differently.
So it returns to the victims. It is they who must change their thought patterns, and build their self esteem, and create healthy boundaries that protect them from unhealthy people, and get rid of the people who abuse them, and surround themselves with people who care, and treat them with respect and dignity. As simple as this seems, it is far from simple. (Try to teach a bird to meow. Try to teach a cat to bark). This is only an example of how hard it is for a victim to change. It may take her a lifetime. It won't happen overnight, or a week, or a year. She cannot just "pull herself up by her bootstraps". She needs intensive counseling and maybe medications as well.
It is also important for the health professional to understand if the victim has lived a life of abuse. She learned by what she lived growing up, and picked the man she did because his behavior is all she had known and was "comfortable by famiarity" with. That is how she ends up in these relationships. The nice, clean cut, loving, caring, gems are not what she ever understood, thus she feared. Like moving the world, she has to completely relearn her life skills, attitudes, beliefs. This is why in many families, the cycles of abuse continue through the generations. Once in awhile a member manages to break away reasonably unphased. But victims are harmed and hurt, mentally, psychologically, physically, emotionally, sexually. Nobody on this earth has a right to lay a finger on another person without her permission, and no victim ever is the fault of those who brought harm to her.
We live in a society that teaches girls to be good, obedient, not make waves, not slap a kid for shoving her, be ladylike, turn the other cheek, etc. Thus she has been set up to be a victim in our society. And the bullies spot their targets easily. Be they still in elementary school or out of college and into successful careers.
Schools are needed to teach children how to behave healthily between each other, for which they are finally starting to do. But they need to start digging deeper into bullies backgrounds, as children at school, and find out what is happening at their homes. Unless one is dealing with a sociopathic kid, kids don't usually bully at school without reasons.
So shelly, I certainly empathize with your position. I have walked in the victims shoes and I am 63 years old and still trying to land on my feet in complete mental health. It has been a lifetime experience of what your patients also suffer. I care so much about the best care a victim can get to get back on her feet as soon as she can. And I care so much about our country of children who have so little say in their lives, much less value. This is why I write in this column. This is why I try to throw a lifeline to each and every person who is suffering, to help them along their journey to health. I am also a nurse. I hope this has helped you in dealing with your patients and understanding better where they are coming from. Kathy
I just found this forum on Medhelp. I am an IC support group leader in our region!
Sadly I am noticing an increasing about of abuse among our chronically ill patients
esp. emotional abuse! Some of this maybe because IC makes the physical relationship extremely painful to the patient. This along with increase medical costs
puts a lot of stress on a marriage, but for one that is not strong to begin with it can push things over the edge!
Where can I tell them to go for REAL help. The scary thing is that being chronically ill you can't work full time, afford medicine or on some days function well and the spouse knows this. The symptoms of Interstitial Cystitis also increase with stress..
they know this so simply by beating you down and or refusing to help,
they can keep them crippled with pain as real as if he was hitting them! For some at times it has gotten physical at times too.
The other crazy thing I see over and over is that the kids join in this process and also begin having abusive behaviors. I feel that they are angry because the parent is sick
and also copying what they see in the other spouse but it adds a another bad dimension to the pain of living with a chronic illness.
I have gone on a website listing different kinds of abuse and I am seeing definate patters but what should people do and where should they turn.
Where do people turn for help with finances and attorneys etc.
Every where says to go for help but TRUTHFULLY how do they get real truth
and real protection!! Often the church Pastor or counselor are afraid to take
any real steps or actions!! Calling the police etc. can making things worse
later too??? Esp when the kids get involved with it. What protection is out
there for this>
Any direction and help would be greatly appreciated, working with a desperate patient now and do not know what to do or where to send them????
Help and info please!
Thank you!
Shelly
Sadly I am noticing an increasing about of abuse among our chronically ill patients
esp. emotional abuse! Some of this maybe because IC makes the physical relationship extremely painful to the patient. This along with increase medical costs
puts a lot of stress on a marriage, but for one that is not strong to begin with it can push things over the edge!
Where can I tell them to go for REAL help. The scary thing is that being chronically ill you can't work full time, afford medicine or on some days function well and the spouse knows this. The symptoms of Interstitial Cystitis also increase with stress..
they know this so simply by beating you down and or refusing to help,
they can keep them crippled with pain as real as if he was hitting them! For some at times it has gotten physical at times too.
The other crazy thing I see over and over is that the kids join in this process and also begin having abusive behaviors. I feel that they are angry because the parent is sick
and also copying what they see in the other spouse but it adds a another bad dimension to the pain of living with a chronic illness.
I have gone on a website listing different kinds of abuse and I am seeing definate patters but what should people do and where should they turn.
Where do people turn for help with finances and attorneys etc.
Every where says to go for help but TRUTHFULLY how do they get real truth
and real protection!! Often the church Pastor or counselor are afraid to take
any real steps or actions!! Calling the police etc. can making things worse
later too??? Esp when the kids get involved with it. What protection is out
there for this>
Any direction and help would be greatly appreciated, working with a desperate patient now and do not know what to do or where to send them????
Help and info please!
Thank you!
Shelly
Thank-you for all your help, Yes I think he thinks I will lay down and let him just walk all over me because he scares me and also because he knows I am sick ,But he is so cruel , and I cannot let him do this .
I want to thank-you for taking the time to explain about different counselors and what my options could be.
I am afraid but I am more afraid of him , as far as waking in groups I can't do that I was so isolated while with him , that I have no friends , I am 49 have really no family ir friends ecept for some people on here he kind of terrorizes me he leaves me alone for a week or so at a time then verbally abuses me yelling and calling me names because he knows I am so afrid oif confrontation , and that man knows it ,
I have gone to the police but he recently stole my extra set of car keys ,he is so sneaky thats how he found out where i moved to.
Kathy i am so happy you wwrote your very knowledgeable about this stuff that I really really need to help me ajust ot living alone and deserving to have Friends and someone trat me farily or even nice for a change
thanks again Kathy
I want to thank-you for taking the time to explain about different counselors and what my options could be.
I am afraid but I am more afraid of him , as far as waking in groups I can't do that I was so isolated while with him , that I have no friends , I am 49 have really no family ir friends ecept for some people on here he kind of terrorizes me he leaves me alone for a week or so at a time then verbally abuses me yelling and calling me names because he knows I am so afrid oif confrontation , and that man knows it ,
I have gone to the police but he recently stole my extra set of car keys ,he is so sneaky thats how he found out where i moved to.
Kathy i am so happy you wwrote your very knowledgeable about this stuff that I really really need to help me ajust ot living alone and deserving to have Friends and someone trat me farily or even nice for a change
thanks again Kathy
Hi K,
There are different schools of therapy. Like Analysis, based on Freudian philosophy, where the therapist basically stays quiet and lets you just talk about whatever comes to your thoughts. They stay quiet for the purpose that they don't want to contaminate your thoughts with their own. You may say something, and their response may be, "Tell me about this." Or, "How do you feel about that?" or "What do you think about what you just said?" They are helping the patient explore their own unconscious. This is good therapy in some situations. Then there is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is based more on the belief that the patient is struggling with some genetic problems in addition to environmental issues. Here, there is a lot of talking back and forth with the therapist. The patient has an easier time getting to know the therapist, and recieving instant feedback on ones thoughts, impulses, ideas, behaviors, decisions, observations, past experiences troubling the patient etc. This type of therapy is better for people with, say, Bipolar disorders and other disorders. I have this type of therapy that I find very satisfactory for myself in dealing with my issues and medication control.
There are counselors who don't deal with interpersonal problems. They are usually in the areas of helping persons to locate work, schools, and other agencies needed to help them get started on a life of their own. He can perhaps assist you in getting Social Security, although this you can do on your own, if you qualify. Also Supplemental Income (SSI).
You can locate a Divorce Lawyer and learn exactly what money your husband will have to support you with, be it alimony, his pension, his social security, stocks, investments, your home and the cars, and belongings, medical insurance, custody issues, debts,etc. You are not charged for the first "interview". Only after you hire him/her will you start paying. So get as many questions answered as possible on the first visit. You may also ask questions on www.askalawyer.com or something near to this. Lawyers on line. If you don't have a Divorce Lawyer, you need to get one. You don't want your husband to be able to walk all over you. He is likely hoping you won't think you could afford one. You cannot afford to NOT have one. He may even be required to foot your bill for the lawyer.
If you are Disabled mentally or physically, your doctors and perhaps therapists can help you with getting Soc. Sec. Disability.
You made the right decision to get out of that environment. You can also, if you haven't already, talk to the police about your getting a Protection From Abuse Order against your husband. In it he is notified to not have any contact with you in person, by phone, via email, letters, etc. or come to your home or neighborhood where you live. Also you can request that he not be allowed to approach you at relative's homes or in public etc. He would be required to stay away, say 500' from you and not talk to you or harrass you. So look into this. If he breaks any rule of this PFA Order, he will be put in jail. He will get the message, if he has any brain. It is not bullet proof, just in case you may wonder, as it is just a piece of paper. So you will need to be aware of your sourroundings, and go out with friends and groups if you think he would carry a weapon to harm you. With a PFA Order,(keep in on you at all times) all you need do is tell the police you have this, and he is bothering you, and they will send an officer immediately to arrest him. The only communication you need to have with him, would be through lawyers. I hope I was able to give you some helpful information. K434
There are different schools of therapy. Like Analysis, based on Freudian philosophy, where the therapist basically stays quiet and lets you just talk about whatever comes to your thoughts. They stay quiet for the purpose that they don't want to contaminate your thoughts with their own. You may say something, and their response may be, "Tell me about this." Or, "How do you feel about that?" or "What do you think about what you just said?" They are helping the patient explore their own unconscious. This is good therapy in some situations. Then there is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is based more on the belief that the patient is struggling with some genetic problems in addition to environmental issues. Here, there is a lot of talking back and forth with the therapist. The patient has an easier time getting to know the therapist, and recieving instant feedback on ones thoughts, impulses, ideas, behaviors, decisions, observations, past experiences troubling the patient etc. This type of therapy is better for people with, say, Bipolar disorders and other disorders. I have this type of therapy that I find very satisfactory for myself in dealing with my issues and medication control.
There are counselors who don't deal with interpersonal problems. They are usually in the areas of helping persons to locate work, schools, and other agencies needed to help them get started on a life of their own. He can perhaps assist you in getting Social Security, although this you can do on your own, if you qualify. Also Supplemental Income (SSI).
You can locate a Divorce Lawyer and learn exactly what money your husband will have to support you with, be it alimony, his pension, his social security, stocks, investments, your home and the cars, and belongings, medical insurance, custody issues, debts,etc. You are not charged for the first "interview". Only after you hire him/her will you start paying. So get as many questions answered as possible on the first visit. You may also ask questions on www.askalawyer.com or something near to this. Lawyers on line. If you don't have a Divorce Lawyer, you need to get one. You don't want your husband to be able to walk all over you. He is likely hoping you won't think you could afford one. You cannot afford to NOT have one. He may even be required to foot your bill for the lawyer.
If you are Disabled mentally or physically, your doctors and perhaps therapists can help you with getting Soc. Sec. Disability.
You made the right decision to get out of that environment. You can also, if you haven't already, talk to the police about your getting a Protection From Abuse Order against your husband. In it he is notified to not have any contact with you in person, by phone, via email, letters, etc. or come to your home or neighborhood where you live. Also you can request that he not be allowed to approach you at relative's homes or in public etc. He would be required to stay away, say 500' from you and not talk to you or harrass you. So look into this. If he breaks any rule of this PFA Order, he will be put in jail. He will get the message, if he has any brain. It is not bullet proof, just in case you may wonder, as it is just a piece of paper. So you will need to be aware of your sourroundings, and go out with friends and groups if you think he would carry a weapon to harm you. With a PFA Order,(keep in on you at all times) all you need do is tell the police you have this, and he is bothering you, and they will send an officer immediately to arrest him. The only communication you need to have with him, would be through lawyers. I hope I was able to give you some helpful information. K434
Thank-you for commenting , because I logically understand all you have said , and I knew I never wanted to be abused, but this was not the 1st man that did this to me so I had to change, he still comes by and tries to abuse me but I call the police know , which is embarrassing because i am new to the neighborhood.
As far as counseling I did go to one guy who from his union( still covered under his insurance but not for long as we are getting divorced . His choice as he knows I need the insurance , but ok ,anyway the guy is helpful with thigs like resources to help me find a better job but not with understanding what I am going through at all he even said he couldn't relate.
So how do I find resources for a good counselor because I badly need help? and I know
Kathy if you have any ideas how I can do this please let me know
thanks so very much what you wrote helped very much
K
As far as counseling I did go to one guy who from his union( still covered under his insurance but not for long as we are getting divorced . His choice as he knows I need the insurance , but ok ,anyway the guy is helpful with thigs like resources to help me find a better job but not with understanding what I am going through at all he even said he couldn't relate.
So how do I find resources for a good counselor because I badly need help? and I know
Kathy if you have any ideas how I can do this please let me know
thanks so very much what you wrote helped very much
K
Your having been raised in an abusive homelife, experiencing the instability you did growing up, truly set you up for getting into an abusive marriage. When abuse and instability is all you knew, this in itself is what you were familiar with and also "comfortable" with. Being that you had no other healthy influences in showing you a different, healthier, lifestyle with people who treated you well, with respect, and dignity in these close relationships, you naturally based your choices and decisions against what you learned growing up. In other words, the choices you made were based upon what felt familiar & comfortable and how you thought and understood your environment and others. You chose an abusive husband, not because you wanted to be abused, but because abusive behavior and instability is what you understood and based your choices on.
Abusive people are ugly, they may even be driven by evil or mental illness. They may have learned their behavior from being raised in a home with domestic violence, or having been bullied themselves. Or they might have always gotten away with being bullies themselves. But that is their problem to deal with. They can choose to change or not. That is their decision.
Your decision to get out and live alone was very brave and admirable. You are learning now to take care of yourself, set boundaries to protect you, and learn that you will be alright on your own. It is easy to think about those better times you had with him and wonder if you should have stayed and worked harder at it. No. You did the right thing. He will move on to another woman to dominate and abuse. Let him go. Make him the end of that last chapter, in your book on life. Concentrate on YOU now.
Before you allow yourself to start any new relationships, get into counseling and learn more about you and how you can be your own best friend. If you don't you will likely get into future unhealthy relationships because you haven't solved the issues from your past. It is now time to take care of you. Bless you, Kathy434
it took m,awhile, but you have to learn to speak up, and give as good as you get, you are as good as anyone else on this earth, and god tells us that we are all equal, and i know that you have had a rough time, but you are a survivor, life does not end at your age, starta a new life, and remember you never asked to be treated that way, but you did take it, and from my life the more you take the worse they get, so do not let anyone tell you it is your fault, that is an excuse most people just use hang in there. i am sorry that you have had all of this in your life, and do hope it gets better join a group therapy and get your self confidence and self esteem back, remember to love your self luck jo
You take control back, there is no other way, you can try speaking to him tell him how you feel, give him a chance, I doubt if he will change but it could be worth a shot, I do know it doesnt get better and it can get worse as time goes by. Are you still living with him, no you do not cause anyone to treat you like this, but by staying unless he changes you are enabling it. You have to move on, women find this hard to do they stay with a marriage that is verbally and physically abusive , perhaps they think it will get better and he will change , There are many good caring men out there to start over with, or stay alone and enjoy the rest of your life filling it with Work and fun, nature Hobbies, travelling, winning our country back, get involved..
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
