Leaving an abusive husband

[Lolamonk]

I am preparing to exit my marriage from a man that has emotionally and verbally abused me for almost 12 years.  We are buying a home together, have no children together, but I have 2 kids living with us.  I also have 3 dogs and my oldest child, who is in college and lives with us, has 2 dogs also.  I've talked with my husband several times about divorce, but he simply will not agree to it.  He has become extremely possessive and made references about suicide several times if we divorce, to the point that I've removed the firearms from our home.  I've been told by my therapist and a counselor at a local womens shelter that I need to leave the house as soon as possible, but it's not that simple for me.  I have a teenager who is being affected by this, but she loves her step dad very much, and I hate to move her out of the comfort of her home.  I know that a lot of people might consider this unimportant, but I also love my dogs too, and can't bear to part with them, and I've been so isolated that I have no friends or family that  I can leave them with so that I can get out, and I can't find a house or apartment to rent that will accept that many pets.  Does anyone think that I have a chance of legally getting my husband to leave the house, so that I can stay, or should I leave and make some really heartbreaking decisions?

[Nighthawk61]

I think you should talk to a lawyer asap as well.
Verbal and mental abuse should in my books equal a restraining order
and certainly threatening suicide (a physically violent act) should be considered a viable reason for a restraining order

Thankfully you are able to take over the mortgage, but i'm wondering about whether you will be expected to pay him his half share of any equity built up in the house? If so, would you be able to secure a loan to do so?

Nonetheless, if he was legally told he could not return to the property, by his own actions, then i can't see you having to pay his half share of equity immediately. A lawyer would know. Please let us know what you find out.

[Jinx_777]

just make a plan.  do NOT tell him about your plan.  The most dangerous time is when they think they are losing control of you.  I have lived this and barely made it out alive.  I tried to file a restraining order and they told me 'you can do that, but if he wants you dead, you will be dead before we get there'.  how comforting right?  they were absolutely correct.  Please, be very careful.  secretly save money, find a safe place where he cannot find you, a domestic violence shelter is great because they have security).  do you have guns in the home???  if so, I would highly suggest turning them into your local police department and telling them why.  they will have you file a report at that time.  just be ready to go and take off while he is at work or someplace you know he will be gone awhile.  do not look back.  material stuff doesn't mean anything.  the kids are old enough to look after themselves.  let them know what you are going to do because once you leave, they are not safe there either

[kenneltech2]

I am not sure where you are from or where you are living, but almost all Humane Societies will keep the pets temporarily during a domestic dispute until things are ironed out.  Also, you might just call them or the police liaison to ask about any foster care programs during this time.  Many rescue groups have foster programs for women in this exact situation.  You just need to start calling.  You also need a good lawyer and explain to him your circumstances, and that you would like to stay in the house for obvious reasons, and see what he can do to make this guy leave.  Bring up how devastating a move would be to your teenager right now.  
Good luck.

[BrightBod]

If he is abusive towards you, maybe you have the option to file a police report for domestic violence and get a protective order depending on what state you live in.

[nicolechavez]

I was withy husband for twelve years as well I got with him when I was 13 fell in love ....the first year things started going down heel...just let me sah this I dropped out of uschool got pregnant at 15 ..thats when abuse started...he mentaly physically and verbaly abused me VERY SERVERLY.. had three kids with him.. (over twelve years) put up with his crap just for my kids but then he started treatin them like trash as well and thats when I left...I didnt even know where to start was terified to leave him but I did it....it took me so long  to get over wat he did to me there was plenty of times where I almost lost my life in his hands...I really should have weng to therapy but I didnt....I have endured many unimaginable things kn being with him...so happy I left..today im yhe mother of four pregnant martied and sooooo happy...you can do it..the hardest part is letting go...but youll be so much happier when u do...best of luck to you

[RockRose]

Can you find temporary foster care for your dogs that you pay for in the interim?  If you have money to afford your own home,  this is just a matter of organizing the move time-wise to coincide with the divorce so you can get your dogs back.  Is that right?

[Lolamonk]

Yes I can afford it on my own. When I said we were buying a home together, I meant that we have a mortgage together. We didn't just start buying the house. My main problem is that he won't leave.

[allmymarbles]

Why are you, at this point in your marriage. buying a house together? Can you buy the house on your own?