Feels alone

[CarrieAnn123]

I feel alone in my relationship.
I dated a man for three years and he abused me. I got with another man,he saved me from the other Guy. Two months after we got together he put his hands on me. I was shocked,  and we've been together a year and a half.
I took pictures of everything he has done to me as well. He has hit me ect .. then I became pregnant .. Im 5 1/2months pregnant and he's done it once since I've became pregnant and I just feel that he's going to do it again
I just am so confused and can't help to think about it.

[Transforminglivescoach]

I was sexually abused as a child and have a number of hardships in my life.I have now overcome those by the grace of Jesus and His love and redemption and I am a life coach now. I passion is to help those who are hurting! My heart goes out to you! Please know that you do not have to put up with this type of abuse. Just because it may be better than your past, does not mean you deserve it. As much as you may feel you don't deserve better, you do! You are a precious woman, beautiful and worth so much! After abuse we have to rewire our thoughts so that we can overcome the trauma of our memories and numbness. This is not a situation that you should carry on in, you need to seek counsel and help from authorities.

Please email me if you need help.

[barbie4eva13]

He is abuse never just stops. If you want to keep your baby and you healthy you should just leave. There is no second thoughts because if he hits you one more time or knocks you down you could end up losing your baby. That baby will love you more than he will or anyone else could.

[allmymarbles]

I think that what you say (about confiding your past) can work, but only after the woman involved ceases to be habituated to abuse. Restructuring your life may take a while.

[Nighthawk61]

CarrieAnn , it's been suggested here that you do not let another man know that you've been abused, and I had to think about that. I let my husband know that i was being abused, and he was sensitive and loving, you even hear from men who hit women say " I would never hit a women (so she made me)". But, although that is a stock answer, for many men, that is the truth, whether or not you tell them your past or not. I think the thing is, that you need to learn to depend on yourself for all of your needs (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially). That's a big order, and takes some time to put it all together. I think that time is something that you need after an abusive relationship. Chances are abused women would not stay in an abusive relationship very long if they really had their own live's in order and could definitely make it on their own. I agree that there should be an amount of time in a new relationship that you don't wear your heart on your sleeve and get to know your man before telling him all about your past. But, when you've found a loving caring individual whose got it all going on, as well as yourself, you can open up to this person about your past, and it will not be a liability, anymore than past drug abuse, or anything else would negatively effect unconditional love. Look after yourself is your first goal here CarrieAnne.

[allmymarbles]

Some time ago I gave advise to a woman on MedHelp who had been in abusive relationships with men. I advised her never to go out with someone who knew of her former abuse, or knew her former abuser, and never to tell a partner of former abuse in a mistaken bid for understanding and sympathy. Think about this.

Of course you must leave this man. And if you can move away to where no one knows you, so much the better. You have to break the chain of abuse. Don't expect someone to do it for you. That is not to say that there are not facilities to help you settle into your new life.

[allmymarbles]

Some time ago I gave advise to a woman on MedHelp who had been in abusive relationships with men. I advised her never to go out with someone who knew of her former abuse, or knew her former abuser, and never to tell a partner of former abuse in a mistaken bid for understanding and sympathy. Think about this.

Of course you must leave this man. And if you can move away to where no one knows you, so much the better. You have to break the chain of abuse. Don't expect someone to do it for you. That is not to say that there are not facilities to help you settle into your new life.

[AnnieBrooke]

I second everything Nighthawk says, and also suggest you consider getting some counseling.  Being in an abusive relationship and being "saved" by another abusive person makes me think you pick guys who are abusive, whether they come to you with a rescuer hat on or not, and for your own sake you need to change this pattern of attraction.  There are plenty of people in the world who would not be abusive, and you, not a man, need to be the rescuer of yourself.  And of your child.

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Do you have family that you have talked to, or can talk to about this, that can be of help to you and your baby. You're baby is a victim of physical abuse at this time, as well as yourself. You need to act accordingly and save your baby, by leaving this sick man, and finding the right support systems for yourself.

It takes a lot of therapy for a man to learn to handle his anger and aggression. He needs help. He may or may not get this help. You cannot change this man, it must come from within. It is your job to protect your baby right now. Please use the support you will find here on Medhelp, along with the any support you may from your family, and any support that the government may have to aid with your prenatal care.

You knew what was going on and you still became pregnant. You have an obligation to do the right thing for this child. Have you considered adoption? You have chosen not to show your age, depending on your age you might consider allowing this child to be adopted into a loving home. If this is not an option that you would consider you need to be a responsible adult, leave this loser, and provide for your child's physical, spiritual, and emotional needs, and that is no small order. Many mothers use Medhelp's forums and friendships to help support and guide them through pregnancy, child birth, preschool, etc. This is an option for you. First you need to deal with the abuse. You have gotten pictures so obviously you planned on using them to get an restraining order, and that time is yesterday, or today.

Please keep posting and try to start developing the kind of support system that you will need to keep this innocent child safe.